BEST OF 2006--Scottish alien preteens, gay spacemen, and boobs eating cake

Aquinus Gentry Quppykins here, 3rd cousin to your most esteemed leader, Snickerdoodles. Part of S Dot Poppycock's court judgment says he has to stop with the gay shit and terrifying women until trimester break, so while the SDP is busy making out with anime pictures and walking retards across the street, the Akron branch of LOA can wreckonize the best of O-Six in this very special triple feature.

Enjoy these eyefucks and have a happy new year.

Yours in Christ,
A. G. Quppykins


Chris Cunningham playstation ad


Spock Kirk closer


Death From Above 1979 - Sexy Results (MSTRKRFT edition)

Redd Foxx R.I.P.s it up!!

first Michelle Thomas, then the Mummy Baboon, now Redd Foxx...

i guess im all about the Dead zone right now, whatever tho, this clip is fucking rad.
i would have still have posted it if he was alive. im sure i should be saying a bunch more witty stuff about this clip, lord knows anyone else who posts on this bitch would kill it about this lil vid, but i dont even care.

F.Y.I. Information, i totally "LOL" while watching this.

IRON MIKE DONE DID IT AGAIN

Mike Tyson was arrested for felony drug possession early this morning after he almost rammed a police SUV in Arizona. Apparently he got caught with two bags of coke in his back pocket and was seen wiping white powder off the console of his BMW. He later admitted to snorting coke "Whenever I can get my hands on it".

Here's my question: How fucking brave did the arresting officer have to be to arrest a coked up Mike Tyson?!?! Jesus Christ, I'd be scared to approach him for a picture or an autograph if I saw him on the street, let alone tell him I was taking him back to jail.

That mug shot is pretty hilarious, too.

blah blah blah...

Nothing says "HEY 2007, hurry the fuck up and get here" like a photo of a mumafied baboon corpse. well it might not say that, or anything at all for that matter, but thats more or less what im thinking... wait, what am i typing? i actually couldnt care less about 2007 or whatever year it is right now. the only thing thats gonna change in 2007 is that im gonna have remember to write 07 on all my fucking bills (that i cant afford to pay anyhow, not that i even remember to pay them in the first place), and naturaly i wont remember to write 07 insted of whatever date it is that i struggle to remember even today for about another 5 months, so its pretty much just a pain in the ass. i can imagine thats the only real thing that will change in 2007, and its a change for the worse.

...and now that i found this killer mumafied baboon corpse photo while its still 2006, there is really no chance of anything good to come in 2007, cus this photo is (from what i can tell) the best thing thats gonna happen to me... EVER.

thanks a LOT father time... you fucking prick (said under breath as not to be heard)

BEST OF 2006- (PLEASE POST YOUR SUBMISSIONS BEFORE NEW YEAR'S)

I'd like to set off L.O.A.'s first annual 'Best of' yearly wrap-up with this gem of a clip from AZ. Cardinals head coach Denny Green.-Dont you just love it when somebody has a meltdown on national TV?

Please paste all embedded (YouTube or other) links/ commentary in the comments section below, and I will make sure to update them periodically throughout the day. Thank you for your Contributions!
This next one is a doozie. I would have been fully entertained just watching a flaming gay weatherman do his job, but when you add a COCKroach to the equation, that's when shit really starts getting krunk...

NIGGA PLEASE...

I think what's most funny about this is the fact that this dude seems so completely clueless. Nice touch in writing it out for us on a tattered piece of loose-leaf paper.

R.I.P. Steve Urkel's T.V. Girlfriend in real life.

yeah yeah yeah, i know what you are thinking... and YES this news IS a bit old, December 22nd, 1998? well had LOA been "live" (a term we like to use here in the internet/www. business) in 1998 i might have said something about it then, or maybe not. actually, i have a confession to make. for whatever reason i was trying to keep the death of Michelle Thomas my little secret, not unlike the way i was trying to keep Daniell "Topanga" Fishel my little secret, that is untill Snickerdoodles blew the fucking doors right off the vault of my secret sitcom crushes, and made the WHOLE world hip to the forgotten beauty of Topanga. where am i going with all this? im not sure, i guess as it turns out i have been keeping secrets, and thats wrong. isnt it? well whatever... right or wrong, my keeping of secrets is not gonna bring Michelle Thomas back from the dead.

Michelle Thomas died from some rare form of stomach cancer in 1998. now you know.
(also please click HERE or on the title of this post to read more about the life and death of Michelle Thomas)

there isnt much i can do to make good on the fact that i kept Michelle and her death a secret all these years, but what i have decided to do is to share a few of my secret sitcom crushes of the 80s and 90s with all of you from time to time in the near future so that you dont have to find out who i knew was hot YEARS ago by reading about their deaths (or having Snickerdoodles beat you to the punch and hog all the glory) on LOA.

(and maybe i AM bummed about how Snickerdoodles is getting world wide attention for re-discovering Topanga when i have been secretly been collecting photos of her on the internet for YEARS and cus i want to get all the credit for thinking girls like Topanga were hott years ago and still remembering them today.)

but for real...

R.I.P. Michelle Thomas

TOPANGA UPDATE!

BUSH REQUESTS ANOTHER 100 BILLION FOR THE WAR

HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: SATO KAZUSA

I was watching Nick at Nite or some kind of other gay-ass cable station the other day and I got sucked into watching 'Boy Meets World". The only reason I sat through more than like 5 seconds of this horsecock excuse for a show, was the fact that I'd remembered thinking that girl 'Topanga' was hot, and was eagerly waiting for her character to make an appearance. Sure enough, about midway through this motherfucker, Topanga's slutty ass shows up, -all snitching to animal control that Corey's best friend owned a pet pig and was keeping it in his apartment (apparently illegally). -What a fucking bitch! It's like YO!- I don't know where she comes from, but 'round here, in the OC, we got a lil' saying that goes something like: "Snitches get stitches". Anyhow; on top of all of that, Topanga wasn't nearly as hot as I had remembered her to be. Being the consumate professional that I am, I decided that I needed to do a little research before I gave my final verdict on wether she was indeed hot, or the skanky hoebag that was tattling on motherfuckas on the screen. Upon consulting 'the Google', I confirmed my original notion that Topanga indeed was a hot little piece of ass .After having dug up about 10 different pictures of her, all of a sudden I realized...-WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!? This was such a monumental waste of time!!... After all, I could have spent the last 20 minutes downloading pictures of Sato Kazusa.

MY POCKY's ON BROADWAY

I would encourage everybody to eat as much Pocky as humanly possible. That shit is fucking delicious.

R.I.P. JAMES BROWN

The Godfather died this morning at the age of 73. It's almost impossible to understate the influence that he had on music, especially hip hop, in the last 50 years. This is some fucking sad christmas news. I've assembled a collection of J.B. videos that I think best represent his work. Click here to see them

2006 WAS FUCKING WEAK, HOWEVER 2007 IS GONNA BE WAY WAAAAY BETTER!!!

Get a jump on 2007 with this brand new LOA screensaver hot off the press (and by "press"- I mean photoshop). It is Garanteed to delight and amaze even the most jaded internet patrons! Click image to enlarge and then drag it into your desktops/screensavers folder on your computer.

SANTA CLAUS IS CUMMIN TO TOWN!

This thing is so far over the line of common decency that you just gotta love it! Credit where credit is due; the guy who made this is a bonafide genius. Check out his blog, it's pretty amazing:DEMON BABY BLOG

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM NORTHERN MINNESOTA!!

Mistletoe, Slay Rides, Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire, Smashed Toes, Stockings hanging over the fire place, Destroyed Pedicures... the whole nine.

"Tiz the Season"

JAPANESE BROADS...RODEO...WHIPPED CREAM

This could very well be the best piece of television ever produced. Snickerdoodles might go into a boner-coma if he watches it. Somebody should check on him.

PACKERS SWEEP THE VIKINGS FOR THE 2006-2007 SEASON.

Yo Medek! -Where's my 20 bucks son? Either way I figure I win based on the standard tiebreaker rules (I.E. Vikings getting swept this season). Holla at your boy!!!
see Medek's poor gambling strategy

BILL MAHER STATING THE OBVIOUS TO TOTAL IDIOT JOE SCARBOROUGH

NON-PATERNITY DANCE PARTY USA

The 5 sweetest words in the English language: "You are NOT the father". I wanna see Chad Johnson from the Cincinatti Bengals on one of those shows. I really think that he could revolutionize negative paternity test celebrations in much the same way as he has endzone celebrations.

Now I Got a Burger Rap

Dance Party USA

So I've been DJing for almost 11 years and over the course of that time have spun records for thousands of people. At rap shows, rap dorks show up. At clubs, hairgel people show up. At house parties, drunkozords show up, and it goes on and on. Yesterday, I was DJing inside a clothing store at the Mall of America. I'd done it a few times before and nothing extraordinary has happened (OK that's a lie - after the first time I played there, I ran down the hall to the bathroom and fucking barfed. Yes really), so I wasn't expecting much to go down other than some 16 year old mallcore goth kids to come up and ask me if they can scratch.

I'm there doing my thing, watching people contemplate purchasing RVCA shirts. All of a sudden these two 40ish year old women come in. They're both kinda big & butch and are both wearing:
• dark blue Dickies coveralls
• orange Carharrt stocking caps
• fake Jesus pieces
• fake moustaches

One of them is pushing the other in a wheelchair. The one in the wheelchair has a Macy's bag on her lap. They roll up over to where I'm DJing and the one in the wheelchair drunkenly / retardedly says something to the effect of "Ohhhhh woooow that's soooo cool what you're doing! Soooounds greaaaaat! Can you show me how to do that?" I ask them if they can show me where to get some fake moustaches. Then the one in the wheelchair stands up and they both START DANCING for like a minute. Then they switch places in the wheelchair and leave the shop.

My best explanation is that I was the victim of some 4th tier version of Punk'd and will see myself on the WB at 3 in the morning.

PLASTIC SURGERY DISASTERS

I was always under the impression that plastic surgery was supposed to make you look 'better', -and by 'better' I mean not 'way worse'. -And by 'not way worse' -I mean 'not as if your face was swollen from being repeatedly smashed by a demolitions wrecking ball'. I have to say that these two are the frontrunners for the creepiest celebrity plastic surgeries of all time. I think that in the next couple of years, if Joan Rivers starts hitting the weight pile and goes on human growth hormone, her and Stallone will be virtually indistinguishable from one another.

i changed my mind...

Me, i want a Hula Hoop. i no longer want to die.

Calling all white people: Get your dick out of that box and start rapping

EgoTrip is back at it, with their take on diddy's making the band 3, less getting kicked out of the studio, more getting a dildo smashed into your face by a 300lb woman...

CAN'T THNK OF WHAT TO GET YOUR GIRL THIS YEAR?

Normally I wouldn't post anything that features your boy, J.T. But I actually laughed out loud at this.

ALIEN SPERMS!!!

Now your collection can be complete!!!
You thought you were all COOL cus you have the Sperm™ children and the rare blue Sperm™, but you aint SHHHHIT unless you got alien sperm!

dont miss the boat on this one bitches!

also, Sperm™ makes a great stocking stuffer for the holidays!! wait, scratch that... why limit yourself to stuffing Sperm™ in your stockings for the holiday season only? Fuck it, put Sperm™ in your socks YEAR ROUND!!!

Life dosnt have to suck anymore!!

What i want for Christmas...

1. To quietly pass away.

lets not forget this one too.

ANOTHER CLIP FROM THE BILL CLINTON HIGHLIGHT REEL

Remember what it was like when our president was smart, articulate and not a complete and utter embarrassment? You've probably already seen this one before, but nonetheless, I got inspired to post it after seeing Mr. Nasty Raps' last Clinton post. Talk about 'lyrical gangbangs'; if this was a porno Chris Wallace would be Covered in jizz crying at the end of this one. Billy Clint literally ate his ass. It's reminiscant of the Minnesota Vikings getting blown out by the Giants 42 - 0 at home, in the playoffs a few years back.

i need to have kids... NOW.

for a minute there i had decided i never wanted kids, but i pretty much have to make babies now if for no other reason than to have then form an Iron Maiden cover band. right? whos with me? or rather, who wants to have a bunch of my babies. wait, really... im thinking about 9 babies to be exact, that way i can have an all kids Belle & Sebastian cover band!! the first 4 kids tho will have to start out as a Bad Brains cover band till the last 5 are born and ready to rock (or not rock and just make pretty music as the case may be with this Belle & Sebastian cover band business).

p.s. peep that pokemon microphone

STAY THE (non)COURSE

We At The LORDS OF APATHY GANGSTER BLOG support the president in staying the course in Iraq. Here's a diagram of the course:

CLINTON WAS SO FUCKING GANGSTER!!!

He handles this shit beautifully. He's all calm when he addresses the guy, let's him speak, then proceeds to tear him the fuck apart. And when he takes the mic off the stand, it's like your dad taking off his belt to whip your ass. Then the menacing staredown at the end just makes shit official. I miss the good old days.

FURTHER CONFIRMATION ON WHY SEAN HANNITY IS ONE OF AMERICA'S BIGGEST ASSHOLES

SPERMS!

Collect them ALL!!!!!!1

I LIKE THAT NEW JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE ALBUM... BUT HIS NEW MUSIC VIDEO KINDA SUCKS...

I COME IN THE NAME OF MOTHERFUCKING JESUS GODDAMMIT...

Damn, this dude makes me wanna start going to church again...

PAULY SHORE GETS KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT

Pauly Shore Punch

IF YOU LIKED YAO MING, YOU'LL LOVE SUN MING MING!!

CHINAMAN WITH MAD HOPS

It's fucked up but you know it's funny when some older dude, like somebody's asshole uncle refers to any asian person as a 'Chinaman' -as if that is perfectly acceptable to say... But yeah; those Orientals and Chinamen can hoop. Hoop all in your face like -UUUUNNNNGGGG!!!

TONIGHT I'M GONNA CLEANSE MY COLON LIKE IT'S 1999

I was watching this infomercial about having a healthy colon. I think they said that when John Wayne died of colon cancer, he had 42 pounds of doo-doo caked up in his guts. Elvis was a hero to most, -to millions he was a straight-up racist; -that fucker was simple and plain. -MotherFUCK him and John Wayne. I'll bet both those dudes were fucking each other up their shit-filled colons...-that is to say, when they weren't fucking their miniature stallions... -Elvis and John Wayne were both unabashed horsefuckers. Straight up...

Fuck that son, get that real Phone Piff.

http://www.phonejaxx.com/

FUN WITH A TELEMARKETER

This is classic fucking with a telemarketer

GEORGE BUSH SENIOR CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BABY BITCH

BEST CRIBS EVER: REDMAN'S "DE LA CASA"

I remember watching this about 5 or 6 years ago and being completely blown the fuck away. I don't know what I like better; the porn, the shoebox, Sugarbear, or the doorbell.

"MY DICK" LIVE on the Tom Green Show

Mickey Avalon, Dirt Nasty, Andre Legacy

WAIT, WHERE ARE WE GOING AGAIN?

-Oh yeah...

Bub Rub: A True YouTube Pioneer

This was one of the first YouTube videos I ever saw. It remains as powerful today, as it did the day it first aired.

COMMON SENSE FURTHER RUINING HIS ALREADY RUINED RAP CAREER.

Is it just me or does this really get under your skin? I'm usually not one to hate on somebody for how they choose to pay their bills.. but this is Common, A.K.A. Common Sense. -The same guy who made one of the best hiphop albums ever (-And then proceeded to make like 7 thoroughly disappointing ones after that). And now for the final cherry-flavored nail on top of your coffin-flavored sundae: -A gap ad. Not just being in a Gap ad, -but actually writing a mediocre rap for a gap ad. -Really...?? Is that where your career is at now? What happened to the Common Sense that singlehandedly sent Ice-Cube's career into the freaking toilet when he released the song "The Bitch in you"? Oh well, I guess to sum it all up, I'm gonna quote another guy who once ruled, but then proceeded to suck -Axl Rose: "NOTHIN' LASTS FOREVER... (even cold November rain)"

A TRIBUTE TO THREE SIX MAFIA

When I'm not listening to Brotha Lynch, Franz Ferdinand or Dipset; the Grammy Award-winning Three 6 Mafia is in HEAVY rotation in the blaze yellow Aztek. I picked out 3 of my favorite cuts for your listening/ viewing pleasure; enjoy!

O.D.ing ON CHILDRENS' MULTIVITAMINS

The problem with vitamin manufacturers these days is that they cant strike a decent balance between making a chewable vitamin that is edible but not delicious. Since the majority of my diet is either some kind of burrito product or something that comes out of a vending machine, I figured it'd be a good idea to get some supplements crackin, so I bought these gummi bear format vitamins. The problem with that is they taste just like regular gummi bears, and a day and a half later I've already devoured 3/4 of the fucking bottle.

HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: SAYAKA ANDO

You might think that picking the H.A.G.D.J. is a really difficult Job, but in fact, it's actually quite easy. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. It's getting to be where you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a hot asian girl...-well not necessarily around here, -but I'm saying, if an Asian girl were to get hit with dead cat in a room somewhere else, -smart money would be on the fact that she's an unabashed dimepiece. So yeah... anyhow, with all that being said, This weeks special lady, Sayaka Ando had me,-to quote Mobb Deep, a straight up 'Shook One'. I remember saying to myself "It is virtually impossible for a woman to get any prettier than that". I was on the verge of shutting this whole fucking thing down. -Lights out -Game over -Hot Asian Girl Du Jour -finished -Done. I was also considering drinking a 40 oz. bottle of Absinthe, cutting my ear off, and mailing it to a french prostitute. But once I re-thought it I decided that the artistic irony would be lost on many of you, and decided against it..

NEW JAY-Z VIDEO

Aside from being one of the best MC's ever, I love Jay-Z because he's he IS the American dream. Despite growing up in the Marcy projects, and getting dissed by major labels when he was starting out, he manged to parlay his exceptional talent into a jillion hit records and a multimillion dollar empire. -Blah blah blah... - Why I REALLY love Jay-Z is because he's like the modern-day black Fonzie. He's like a cool motherfucker, that bangs all kinds of hot-ass chicks. He's got all types of dubbed-out whips. He's living the life that every dude wants to live. I'm glad him and Beyonce are broken up now. I liked the old scandocious Jay-z better anyway; -the one that was all about humping bitches and then was like "Peace out..." Jay-Z gives me hope that one day I too will be Banging Beyonce and then hanging out with some funny celebrities that I have nothing in common with. Look out for my video where me and Dr. Phil are smashing out in the blaze yellow Pontiac Aztec. Then I hop on the G4 private jet, go to Potowatomi Bingo in Milwaukee, holler at my boy Agent Qup, we start making out with hella Japanese hotties and then order a pizza from Papa John's...-Shit's gonna be tight.

SUGE KNIGHT UPDATE

Hip-hop entrepreneur Suge Knight's music label, Death Row Records, must begin selling its assets to pay off more than $100 million in debt, according to a court order Friday. A bankruptcy judge, Ellen Carroll, ordered trustees to take over the fledgling label, which has suffered from "gross mismanagement" in the label's accounting department, Carroll said. "It seems apparent there is no one at the helm," she said. Knight did not appear at Friday's hearing. His lawyers claimed Knight was involved in a July 1 motorcycle accident and was also grieving the death of a family member. This however, did not prevent him from bumping into my boy Enso on the sidewalk in Hollywood the other day. Enso is from Vancouver. Vancouver is a city in Canada. Canada is our neighbor to the north.

WORDS TO LIVE BY FROM THE MOTHERFUCKIN' MAN

REASON #1,014 WE SHOULD NOT BE FUCKING AROUND IN THE MIDDLE EAST...

-Them niggaz is crazy...

PROGRESS: LETS NOT DO STEM-CELL RESEARCH... LETS STOP STERILIZING MEDICAL EQUIPMENT, AND HAVE SURGEONS WORK BY CANDLELIGHT IN A DIRTY FACTORY.

Hey, is everybody fucking nuts or what? Why is there even a debate over this?? There are millions of people who could benefit from stem cell research...I get the feeling that the main reason the Bush administration opposes it is because of the financial influence from lobbyists in the pharmacuetical industry. If stem-cell research led to cures for many of the diseases people suffer from, they would be unable to continue making the exorbinate profits from the drugs they produce. It's gross how this agenda gets alligned with religion in order to try to squash the debate.

Apparently I've Been Fucking up

By not learning this shit...

(insert witty title here)

this photo, and the rest of photos just like it speak for them selves. if it were one photo i could see capturing the boob mid bounce, but there is like 10 photos or more (you gotta scroll down a bit) where that left boob is going nuts. i dunno, i figure anyone else that posts on LOA would write something better about this shit, but for now this is what your getting.