Knowledge of Self

Crack open that can of Drank you just picked up, and get ready to learn something...

Only In Screwston

I'll tell anybody who will listen how proud I am to be from Houston. I can rattle off arcane facts about all sorts of junk that my fine city can lay claim to. Facts such as..........Nat Q. Henderson was the first official mayor of Fifth Ward. Houston lifer and real life guitar hero Billy F. Gibbons is an accomplished photographer and buys his supplies at the Houston Camera Co-Op. (Word to Bullseye McKried)We're no longer the fattest city in the country. Willie Nelson was a disk jockey here on KCRT radio in 1956, the same year he wrote "Crazy" and sold it to Patsy Cline. The Art Car movement was started here as well. 

These could go on and on but one of my favorite facts about Houston is that our local rap types looooove to get fucked up on prescription cough syrup. Which you may know as lean, pro, oil,purple, purple stuff, or everyones favorite nom de drug......DRANK. (as in "Smokin' dank and sippin' drank")

They love it so much that they based ALL of their music around it and still drink it even though it's use has killed three of H-Town's rap pioneers. Those being DJ Screw, Big Moe, and most recently, Pimp C of UGK.

 

I know this is nothing new to the LOA cliqua, who keeps abreast of all forms of drug consumption. I've even mentioned in one post about how, when mixed with Sparks, it turns you into a genius Frankenstein.

Whatevs. Everyone knows about this stuff these days thanks to Weezy F. Baby, right? Right. Old news.

Imagine my surprise when I came across this little  bit of genius over at the Conoco when I was buying Swishers..........Ladies and Germs, I give you.......Drank. Anti. Energy. Drink. (say it slow)

I could not believe my eyes.

So I bought one, naturally....cuz I'm a baller. 

It's pretty good, but somehow manages to taste like an energy drink, not an "anti-energy" drink as it claims to be. It says that it's packed full of valerian root extract which sounds pretty good. Pretty "swangin" as it were, but also has rose hip extract which sounds kinda pussy. 

You already know that it's purple.

So, I guess if you're in need of a little chill out to mix with that lean........ then get you some DRANK, playbwah.

  

KNOW YOUR DRUGS KNOW YOUR DOSES

(mumbeling gibberish)

Aside from Olive Oils' suicide being pretty a fucking rad idea for a cartoon, there are a few weird holes in this comic, i'd like to just let it be and enjoy Olive killing herself over Wimpy but its just a little to weird...

1. who is this other woman who swooped up Wimpy?
2. was Olive Oil not "dating" Popeye?
3. whats with the "CLANK" in the last frame.

damn. to many holes in this for me to truly enjoy this cartoon. but at the very least, this reminds us of how good cartoons used to be, i dont remember the last time suicide was mentioned in the sunday funny pages. weak.

LOA ANIMAL SPOTLIGHT: FRILLED SHARK

Flaring the gills that give the species its name, a frilled shark swims at Japan's Awashima Marine Park on Sunday, January 21, 2007. Sightings of living frilled sharks are rare, because the fish generally remain thousands of feet beneath the water's surface due to constant ridicule from "normal" sharks about the Frilled Sharks' lack of a dorsal fin.

Spotted by a fisher on January 21, this 5.3-foot (160-centimeter) shark was transferred to the marine park, where it was placed in a seawater pool to slowly die a pathetic death in front of the hundreds of people that visit the marine park each day!

"We think this crazy ass fish may have come to the surface because it was sick, or else it was weakened because it was in shallow waters," a park official told the LOA news service. But the truth may never be known, since the "living fossil" died hours after it was caught. Mega bummer bro.

BONER JAMZ IN EFFECT

Had to take it back with this one. Basically this is the jam
you drop when shits poppin off at the crib with the CHUD
you brought home from the local elks lodge/vfw/bowling alley/
strip mall etc.

I recommend you drop this one when you're about to pass
her that Mickey's Shorty and or modified Dutch Master.

Oops Bang Boom Pow Surprise.

SCRUMPTIOUS FOOD ALERT!

This may have been best posted over on Snack Attack, but whatever, bottom line is that you are up to date on the current state of delicious food...

Case in point, the Luther Burger!

The Luther Burger is a hamburger, specifically a bacon cheeseburger, which employs a glazed donut in place of the bun. If you are a true baller you will use ONLY Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.

PRETTY (BOT) FLY... FOR A WHITE GUY. KINDA REVISITED.

you may remember the botfly post from a minute back, it was a classic, WELL worth watching again... OR check out this video for "Love Song For The Botfly" by everyones favorite band, Triclops!

JERSEY JOE; PIMP MY TRAILER!

Longtime LOA O.G. Jersey Joe, just passed this video on to me that was sent to him from one of his many fans. This thing is so bizarre that it must be seen to be believed... Here's a snippet from the instant message conversation I had with him about it:
me: you gonna hit that??
Jersey: imma make a guest appearance
me: dude...
Jersey: did u watch it all the way through?
me: that is so fucking creepy/ awesome. im about 1/2 way now...
Jersey: it gets weird in the end when they are dancing maybe u can put it up on LOA?
me: most Def
Jersey: it is really creepy
me: those people might canniballize you. You'll be a fucking lamp in that lady's trailer.
Jersey: i wouldn't put it past them. I may paint it just for the experience. Emerald thinks it's sweet
me: I'm pretty blown away by that
Jersey: me too
me: like I dont even know what to say...
Jersey: would you visit that place?
me: I dunno... If you went, you'd definately have to bring somebody to film it/ not let you get roofied/ buttfucked/ eaten
Jersey: Yo it's back woods NJ!, like that old mag Weird NJ
me: that shit reminds me of the movie deliverance/ the hills have eyes

Who is Patty Mayo?

Here is an email reply from the director of the "Rime Dog" Youtube. It kind of explains more about this lady and the whole situation...

DIRECTOR: What's up man. Thanks for the quick response. The story behind this lady is pretty strange, long and very Jersey... I'll keep it short...
She's been living in that trailer park for years taking care of dogs who are unadoptable. A few years back, my friends mom, who he lived with in the trailer park, moved down to Florida after her husband passed away. Dude had nowhere to stay so Patty the dog foster mom took in my buddy - and he's been living in her trailer for the past couple years. He writes, so between that and the fact that she says she's always loved seeing graffiti in New York (she's originally from there), she now is more into graffiti and knows more about it than most graffiti writers do. She always talks about her Rime dog, one day she was mentioning to me how she would love for you to paint Rime dogs on the trailer - because she's a dog foster mom and because she loves your art. So I told her I'd film a video message to you and send it.
I gave Patty a call and read your response - she flipped out! Pretty much the entire story summed up is that she's a sweet, a bit crazy, dog foster mom from Jersey who loves graffiti and really wants you to paint her trailer. It's funny to say, but she would probably start crying if you came down to paint her trailer.
Thanks for the response and stay in contact
peace

HOT ALIEN CHEST TATTOO DuJOUR

File this one under "In it to win it".This dude might also want to get a bra and a treadmill while he's at it.

LOA SPORTS: DANGER SWIMMING

LOA SPORTS: CRAWBLING

GOOD AMERICANS STAND UP FOR MUSLIM WOMAN

It's funny how rednecks like to define things completely on their own personal racist made-up terms. For instance, 'American' means White person of European descent (already off to a shaky start). In reality, you can go one of 2 ways with this. Either an 'American' is a 'Native' American; or in the broader, modern sense, it's anyone who was born here or who goes through the necessary channels to become a citizen. I don't know if I consider rednecks Americans, let alone humans.

MONSANTO FOOD© MONOPOLY

Check out this crazy documentary on Monsanto's fucked up scheme to monopolize their way into your stomach with unsafe bio-engineered 'food'. Don't bother objecting, you have no say in the matter;- Thanks Food and Drug Administration!

CAMERON DIAZ; CHUD or NO CHUD?

Introducing LOA's new gameshow, 'Chud or No Chud'! Basically, the point of this game is to try to separate the chuds from the non-chuds. For those of you who need a refresher on what the definition of a true chud is; -a 'chud' is a woman that is of questionable attractiveness, but despite her obvious physical flaws, you'd still be down to bone. The main determinant factor in a woman being a chud is not based on her perceived attractiveness, but rather, how ashamed you'd be to admit it to your friends. In this competition, you have to try to remove the 'famous factor' from the equation and evaluate her physical chudworthiness on it's own merits. (Click image to enlarge)
A few rules for your evaluation:
The chud-spectrum breaks down into 3 general categories: 1.Hot 2.Chud, and 3.Sub-Chud
• The Hot category is a no-brainer. Everyone and their dad would hit it. -Think Jessica Alba.
• In the Chud category, there's a glimmer of something there. You can't quite put your finger on what it is, but most likely you'd put your dick on what it is...-provided that shit stays on Downlow. -Think Juliette Lewis.
• Sub-Chud is pretty self explanatory; It's not happening...-EVER. No way, no how. -Think Star Jones.

In the Comments section below, please leave your stance on where you think Cameron Diaz falls on the chud-spectrum and site reasons for your decision. We will be scientifically compiling this data to come up with the official verdict as to weather or not she is indeed a chud or not. Good luck contestants!!

THE REAL McCAIN

This video doesn't even touch on him recently voting against funding for veterans benefits for the troops currently fighting in Iraq and Afganistan. I guess he figures all of them can follow in his footsteps when (/IF) they return home from the war and get married to an heiress from a fabulously wealthy family. (-if need be, divorce their exisiting non-heiress wives). That way you won't be a financial burden on the government who sent you overseas to get your legs blown off, in order to make his draft-dodging war-profiteering pals G.W. and Cheney lots of money. Just have your new wife's family bankroll your senate campaign and once elected, continue the cycle of shitting on veterans from all of the future wars McCain would eagerly like to start.

Stripped by a Mechanical Shovel

Stripped by a Mechanical Shovel! - Click here for more amazing videos

BUSH COMPARES OBAMA TO HITLER APPEASERS

Wait a minute... -He's not talking about the same Hitler that his grandfather, Prescott Bush, financially backed while he was exterminating the Jews during WWII...-Is he?? UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE

PUBLICLY SONNED BY CHRIS MATTHEWS

When you're on live TV and you get your ass handed to you,-by Chris Matthews of all people, you may as well just pack it up, go home and kill yourself. The only way this deutschebag hack, Kevin James, could have embarrassed himself any further is if Matthews would have just put him over his knee and spanked him on his bare bottom. A truly miserable performance by a shill for a truly miserable political party. Matthews has been on a role lately, considering what a pathetic dingleberry of the Bush administration he's been for the past seven years. Somebody must have deprogrammed him... Either that, or it's just started to dawn on him what a complete dog-fuck disaster this administration has been. Better late than never I guess...

CHANGE OF CAREERS.

Hey; quick question for you guys... -What the fuck am I doing with my life?? -Blogging? Making dumb t-shirts? -If I had half a brain I'd be learning how to speak Japanese and how to do ill magic tricks. What a devastating combo that'd be. -Talk about having the keys to Pussy-City...

Greenhorns.

I've worked in kitchens for 17 years. That's 1-7 long and largely thankless years but I still love it. I've been cut, burned, overworked, underpaid,yelled at by crazy chefs, spit at by insane Dominican dishwashers, and sweated on by co-workers who I wouldn't let into my own home in any real situation. I've worked with some of the most talented people to pick up a knife and I've worked with shaky tweaker criminals. In two cases that was the same person. It would be safe to say that I've been around the proverbial block and paid just about every due that I've come across. So, knowing all of this, you would be safe in assuming that I wanna cut the throat of some jerk off that just walked out of some bullshit school and wants to tell me his method of making pate de choux. Or ice cream. Or sorbet. Or any fucking thing.

Fuck rookies.

Due to the bizarre success of shows like Hell's Kitchen (crap) and Top Chef, (utter garbage) being a chef is now becoming the hot new job and cooking schools are opening as fast as they fill up. And where the fuck do these dickweeds go when they "graduate"?
Right into the goddamned world to show it that they learned how to be an honest to god CHEF. The problem there is that most of these retarded mouth breathers can't function in an actual kitchen. They've been so gassed up by the people who run these schools that they come out of there thinking they're gonna turn the culinary world on it's ear and "really show 'em how it's done". These mooks are fucking up my flawed, but ultimately life affirming version of paradise (which, incidentally, is a cramped, noisy, hot, loud, submarine like hell hole filled with people as crazy as me.)because they can't cook worth a shit.

Don't get me wrong here, friends and neighbors. I know that truly great schools exist and people do go to them and can come out changed for the better. But there's like three. In the whole country. And those aren't very easy to get into considering that they require some kind of real world kitchen experience (good) and an assload of money (bullshit). So tell me all about Johnson And Wales some other time, nerd.

Cooking schools have become the new truck driving schools promising a life of adventure and high class. They fail to mention that the "high class" is happening in the dining room while you break your ass trying to feed people who wouldn't piss on you if your hair was on fire. The fact is.....the guy working the grill just got out of prison. In El Salvador. The prep cook is drunk and two of the waitresses are so coked out that they can't get their orders together, let alone their collective shit. And that's on a Tuesday. Lunch. Make that equation a Friday night and everything gets multiplied by a gajillion. It's just not a safe place to be for some dewy eyed cocksucker that wants to play in the big show.

I know some folks that went to these schools and aren't total fuck-jobs. But that's only because they knew that dedication and hard work are your only worthwhile routes to actual learning. Not just the receipt from your tuition payment.

So, to answer your question.....No I don't "totally love" cooking shows. Rachael Ray can eat a bowl of dick up and hiccup. Gordon Ramsey threw away the career of a lifetime to take his shirt off on TV. Jamie Oliver is only getting a pass because he works with kids and anyone on Top Chef is marked for death by legions of tough ass grinders who throw down night after night for the love, not the fame.

So watch your backs, greenhorns.

Vague Genre Movie

A CELEBRATION OF LATIN ASS

I could watch this for hours. In fact, the odds are, I actually will watch this for hours. Precious hours of my life that I'll never get back. Fuck it, what do I care... (Compliments of El Mac)

MADONNA'S MUSIC IS HORRIBLE.

I didn't bother posting a corresponding audio or video to reinforce my point; I just wanted to make that fact clear. I was thinking about posting a recent picture of Madonna, but then I realized that she's a horrific mess to look at as well. A fabulously scary, elderly, veiny, pasty, muscley, turned-out on Kabbalah and Pilates, visual nightmare.

America's Next White Top Rapper Model

JOHN McCAIN-THE STRAIGHT-TALK EXPRESS

Is the term "the Straight-talk Express" synonymous with 'the Lying/flip-flopping Hate-gays Express'?

Things Younger Than John McCain

McDonald’s is younger than John McCain.

VINTAGE O'REILLY MELTDOWN!

Seeing this was the best part of my day so far! -Good looking out Thee Casual Male!"WE'LL DO IT LIVE... FUCK IT!!!"

THESE GLUTES ARE MADE FOR WALKING

Good looking out Mullet Soldier!

DALE DAVIS BOWLS A PERFECT 300... -BLIND

I can't really explain it, but this is one of those stories that makes me take a break from hating the entire human race for a few moments. Maybe because it's inspiring to see someone achieve something pure and un-diluted buy profit or belittling somebody to indulge their own ego. Most of the time there is the continuous hum of static emanating from everything vile and fucked up about humanity playing at deafening volumes in my mind. For some reason, a blind guy bowling a perfect game gives me a glimmer of optimism.Dale Davis, a 78-year-old man who lost his vision years ago to macular degeneration, bowled a perfect 300-game Saturday in the Iowa town of Alta, according to a local report. "It was quite a thrill," Davis told the Storm Lake Times in Storm Lake, Iowa. "When I got to the tenth frame, I said 'Lord, let me throw three more good balls.' When I did, people on other teams were yelling and cheering. A few guys were hugging me and almost broke my skinny bones." The report said Davis, a Navy veteran, got his start in bowling as a pin-setter during his teenage years, making 45 cents a night at a local alley. He went on to succeed in leagues and tournaments, including winning a $2,500 top prize in a California event shortly after his days in the service.Davis was living in California in 1996 when he lost sight in his left eye, the report said, and the right eye followed a year later. He then decided to move back to Iowa, where he was raised, where his sister still lives. With the help of his sister, Davis soon regained his bowling form and achieved an average of 188, according to the report. "I can't see the lane or the pins and have a heck of a time finding my ball sometimes," Davis, who still has a small spot of peripheral vision remaining, told the paper. "I can kinda see the dots on the floor to know where I start. After that, I rely on my hearing and other people to tell me what's going on." Nicknamed "The Hammer" for the surprising force of his shots, Davis relies more on his hearing than his vision to assess the quality of each roll. "The sounds of the alley let me know how I'm doing," Davis told the paper. "There's a loud crack when I get a strike. When I hear that crack, usually it's followed by someone telling me I can sit down. "Saturday night, all I heard was 12 cracks in a row."

Photoshop 101

TIM, ERIC and ZACH'S NEW ABSOLUTE VODKA COMMERCIAL

KIM KARDASHIAN'S BURMA RELIEF PSA

WOW! This may have been one of the most baffling public service announcements of all time. In fact, I'm not even sure it qualifies as a PSA, considering the only public it is actually serving are people who want to look at her enormous ass. Granted, that's an entirely worthy service; I just kinda think that it's in poor taste to be speaking about massive human tragedy, in conjunction with frivolous shopping and primping in front of a mirror. That being said... Girlfriend hit the genetic powerball numbers. I'd honestly and sincerely toss her salad for like 72 hours straight.

CRANK THAT SOULJA GIRL!!

I really didn't want to even post this one; but then again, it loosely involved Soulja Boy and someone acting completely nuts; -how could I resist? When I asked Siddiq 'tha freak' what was the context for this girl loosing her shit like this, his answer: "Sherm and BET." I can't really argue with that logic. See why:Here's an insightful recap and commentary on what you just saw... (From a flaming FLAMING gay perspective)

HOLLER AT YOUR BOY!!

(-And by "holler"- I mean throw him off a roof.)

Stacking Gallons

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR/ CRANK THAT -SOULJA BOY EXTRAVAGANZA!!

You thought you were never gonna hear about Soulja Boy again?... -Nope. I think back to about 7 months ago when you couldn't swing a dead cat around without hitting someone doing the soulja boy. It was a simpler time then. People could leave the doors to their homes unlocked, gasoline only cost $3.85/ gallon, and babies could ride the subway alone... nude. Call me nostalgic, but lets all take a moment to remember the month of September, 2007. -It was a magical time...

YOU CAN'T FAKE THE FUNK.

this is perfect! the start AND the end of Catfish Week on LOA!!

ALL NEW LOA DESKTOP WALL PAPER!!

All the new posts with the LOA fan wall paper got me all jazzed up to bang out a new one myself!
...nothing short of perfection if i do say so my self, but i doubt i will say so... unless i just did by saying that.

you know how its done, click to enlarge then right click and save to your C Drive, or Mac users can click to enlarge and drag to desktop, but i doubt any of you use a Mac.

LIVE and DIRECT from Paris France!!

R2D2 projector in action
Uploaded by mikropikol

except that remote has gotta go, that shit is fucking wack, like if you were Luke Skywalker you use a mini millenium falcon to control your R2 unit?!?! so dumb.

DO NOT VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON

Joe Lieberman ass tactics lie in hiding.

I dont know if it gets better than this.

WHOOMP THERE IT IS!

It's safe to say that Hillary's pretty much done. It should be interesting to see her spiral into her psychotic state of denial for the next month or 2 before she finally has to wake up to that ugly thing they call reality. I hear Hillary supporters constantly saying how it's sexist to refer to her as being "shrill". But c'mon, let's call a spade a spade here. That bitch is mad shrill.I wonder if DMX has heard about Barack Obama yet?... He's still got some time.

THE DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION ON THE OXYGEN NETWORK

Find out why Bad Girls Club is the best show on television...And while you're at it... POP OFF SON!! POP OFF!! POP OFF!! BROOKLYN SON!!!

LETS PAINT; MULTI-TASKING AT IT'S FINEST!

DAVE JOHNSON AKA 'PUPPY-MAN' REPPING LOA TO THE FULLEST!!

OH NO HE DI'INT!!! YES... Yes he did. Our boy Dave Johnson stepping up in a MAJOR major way with this insanely creepy-ass 'Puppy-Man' screensaver. Hats off; you killed it son! Often in life, you feel pretty insignificant... pretty small and powerless to change the world around you. Let Dave Johnson's screensaver be shining, shimmering example of where a little bit of ambition, perseverance and a glancing command of Photoshop and Illustrator can get you. Get up, get out, and get something...-You can't spend all of your time trying to get high! (Click image to enlarge and drag into your 'desktops'/'screensavers' folder)



Rep your set! -Send all of your LOA screensaver submissions to: lordsofapathy@gmail.com and if it's on point, you'll be featured on the blog!

LOA READER-SUBMITTED SCREENSAVER...-RECOGNIZE!!

It's safe to say that the LOA gang screensaver REVOLUTION has officially been sparked! Following in the footsteps of LOA soldier Dave Johnson, Our boy Nick Carranza AKA 'Nasty Nick' submits the 2nd critical-ass screensaver of the evening!! -"BOOM SHAKA-LAKA!!!" (© Revok). (Click image to enlarge. Drag it into your Desktops/ Wallpapers folder)

Rep your set! -Send all of your LOA screensaver submissions to: lordsofapathy@gmail.com and if it's on point, you'll be featured on the blog!

SKATIN' FOR CHRIST WITH STEPHEN BALDWIN

This clip imcludes 3 of my 4 favorite things in the world: Extreme Skateboarding, Jesus Christ, and Stephen Baldwin... If only they would have added a hot, big boobed Asian girl getting a baby-oil rubdown; -they woulda fucking nailed it... Actually, scratch that. It would have been really jamming if they woulda had the other Baldwin in there instead; -the one who verbally assaults his ex-wife, and calls his 11-year-old daughter a selfish little pig.

OUR BOY IS BACK AND BETTER(?) THAN EVER

Yeah, you might have thought Tay Zonday would stop after breaking us off with "Chocolate Rain" and "Can't Dance", but guess what? You were wrong. He's coming back with a vengeance (and a t-shirt of himself) with "Explode".

You can actually cop that shirt at tayshirt.net.

FUNKY SUNDAY

Watch the all-time master go to work on the talk box. I know this has been said on here before, but it's fucking sad to know that this evolved into T-Pain.

PRETTY (BOT) FLY... FOR A WHITE GUY

Watch in horror as they remove huge disgusting bot fly larvae from this dude's back...-It's totally disgusting. Just watch it you pussy.
Removing Human Bot Fly From Dudes Back - Watch more free videos

THE DC MADAM 'SUICIDE'

Further incentive for all you ladies out there to not fuck Dick "the Dick" Cheney.

CHUDDY CHUD IN THE BUILDING!!

Chinese people are disgusting

"The yak penis is served with a dragon. In the Guolizhuang restaurant there are more than 30 different animal penises on the menu. And for very special guests there's a list of others. "

"At the Guolizhuang restaurant, customers can even order deer and sheep fetuses."