No Chicken? Or Are They Just Out Of Chicken?

It took me a minute to realize this wasn't from The Onion. Was Popeye's the only source of food in this town? Given the reactions of the people in this video, you would think they were the only source of oxygen.

"AND THE WINNER OF THE GOLDEN GLOBES AWARD GOES TO..."

Salma Hayek Is aging like a fine wine (emphasis 'fine').(Click image to enlarge)

Shep Smith Hates Torture

At the risk of getting thrown off of LOA, let me say that I enjoy Shep Smith. Dude flies off the handle from time to time, and is prone to bloopers. I imagine if Fox News subscribed to Shep's moral prohibition on torture, we'd see a lot less of Glenn Beck.

BONER JAMZ© '09 MIXTAPE: RETURN OF THE UNDERBOOB (feat. Mai Nishida)

Skip ahead to the parts in the middle where she's wearing the little grey half-sweater thing...-FUCKING AWESOME. I raise my glass in a toast to underboob enthusiasts everywhere: "Salud!"

a pretty remarkable week...

how is it that fake rap is somehow better then official rap these days? fuck it... real or fake, if it sounds good i'll skeet skeet skeet to it...


nice shot Sam, good lookin'

NAKED BABY-PENISED WIZARD TASED BY REALITY

This is probably the coolest thing I've seen all year.
Naked Wizard Tased By Reality from Tracy Anderson on Vimeo.

CHUD OR NO CHUD?: LISA LOEB EDITION

A great man once said: "The true essence of' Chud or No Chud' lies in it's power to make us all dredge the depths of our sexual depravity. It makes us publicly confront the parameters of who we'd bone, in spite of subjecting yourself to the scorn and ridicule of your peers."
-Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esquire

I believe that right here, right now, we as a people can do something critically important to shape the future of our world. It is not enough for us to just sit idly by and let others decide which marginally attractive entertainers or television personalites are chuds and which are subchuds. We must seize the opportunity, and make these petty, frivolous judgements for ourselves. Who among you has the guts and integrity to man up, stand with me, and take this week's 'Chud or No Chud© ' challenge?If you lived through the 90's, then you are probably already familiar with Lisa Loeb's hit single 'stay'; -a horrific 3-minute musical abortion so heinous that, legend has it, will give you premanent erectile dysfunction if you listen to more than twice in a 10-minute period. For many, that song alone is enough of a dealbreaker to skew the competition, but let's hear what you guys think.
A few rules for your evaluation:
The chud-spectrum breaks down into 3 general categories: 1.Hot 2.Chud, and 3.Sub-Chud
• The Hot category is a no-brainer. Everyone and their dad would hit that. -Think Freida Pinto from the movie 'Slum Dog Millionaire'
• In the Chud category, there's a glimmer of something there. You can't quite put your finger on what that is, but most likely you'd put your dick on what that is...-(provided that shit stays on Downlow.) -Think current day Drew Barrymore.
• Sub-Chud is pretty self explanatory; It's not happening...-EVER. No way, no how. -think Jocelyne Wildenstein.

In the Comments section below, please leave your stance on where you think Lisa Loeb falls on the chud-spectrum, and site reasons for your decision. We will be scientifically compiling this data to come up with the official verdict as to weather or not she is indeed a chud or not. Good luck everybody!!

FUCK THE POLICE

REAL TALKER: RUSS FEINGOLD

I can't say it enough times; Russ Feingold is dope. Hands-down the best person in American politics, -by a very large margin. Every one of his positions on every major issue is dead-on. Peep game.

TUPAC ALIVE AND WELL, AT CELTICS GAME LAST NIGHT

I don't see what the big deal is... I mean Jesus not only rose from the dead, but he could do other cool magic tricks too. Just because a resurrected Tupac shows up at a playoff game, I'm supposed to be impressed? If he walks on water during the halftime show, then holler at me...

HORRIBLE RAP WEEKEND: BROKENCYDE -FREAXXX

Well, they've done it... Brokencyde has made the worst song in all of human history. I don't entirely want to give them credit for it however, considering that they pretty much took elements of several different genres of horrible music and combined them, in their own horrible way, into a nasty foul-smelling musical goulash. It really REALLY sucks. -bad...
... Blatantly stolen from Revok's blog -Holler at him!

Horrible Rap Weekend K-1 Edition

This is Choi Hong Man. He's a 7' 3" Fighter and has been described to 

me as "like a Korean Brad Pitt in asia and shit, people are nuts about him 

over there". So this is him walking out to the ring before a fight. A pretty 

intimidating tune, I like the new take on the YMCA dance. The outcome of 

the fight is he gets KO'd in the 1st round by a 6 foot Samoan dude.

JOHN WALL: MICHAEL JORDAN 2.0

It's so dumb how good this dude is at basketball. I can't wait to see him embarrass K.O.B.E. Bryant in a couple of years. Kobe should start shopping around for a good orthopedic surgeon, because he's gonna get his fucking ankles broken.

LORD OF THE JUMBOTRON DANCE

This dude absolutely crushes it. He was born to do this -OUTSTANDING!!!

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: HANA HARUNA

This girl is sexy as hell as long as you don't see any of her awkward herky-jerky movements from her DailyMotion videos... Tragically unsexy.

I'M ON A BOAT MUTHAFUCKA...(feat. T-Pain)

I'm not sure wether or not this should be part of 'Horrible Rap Weekend©' or 'Awesome Rap Weekend©'; but once again Andy Samberg has made another classic. Despite being a fuck-around joke song, it rivals pretty much everything on the radio right now (-Including every one of T-Pain's terrible-ass songs).

HORRIBLE RAP WEEKEND!

A few points on this one: First of all, this man has breasts.-Pretty voluptuous ones at that. Second, I wonder what leads up to this not only getting filmed, but then after it's done, who decides that "Yeah, I think this needs to go up on YouTube. The world needs to see this."? And one final point here; I imagine that in an 'everything is relative' sort of way, seeing/ hearing this, to me, is what it's like for a 60-yr-old white person to see/ hear ANY rap music. (Good lookin out Siddiq 'the Freak')

Awwwww Jeeeahhhh!! Our boy Ray J is back at it.... The main thing I'm trying to figure out is, does Ray J have parents? I mean maybe this is a non-factor considering the name of the song is 'I don't give a fuck'. Yeah, Apparently not...
(Good looking out Jide)

We are looking for your submissions for horrible rap this weekend, so LOA soldiers, fans, readers; -come with it. Links can be (submitted in the comments section).

Take Your Skidz Out The Closet... Kyze Says It's Time To Stomp!

BAD BRAINS

GLENN BECK HEADLINES LUNATICPALOOZA '09

When you have Ted Nugent backing you up with guitar riffs, as you wax poetic about liberty and seceding from the United States, I think it's safe to say that you are not a journalist. If you take anything this guy says seriously, you are a fucking moron. Just so that this makes sense in my mind, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that every one of these people in attendance makes over 250K per year, and is mad as hell about their taxes being raised.

MORE GLENN BECK....JESUS....

WOW... This dude is incredible. And when I say 'incredible', I mean I can hardly believe that he exists.

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it...

HAIR. felt like i needed to share one of my favorite inspirational hair farming videos with y'all. i would imagine you've all seen this (and ALL the other videos from hairfreaky) a million times over, but ive been getting loads of emails asking where i get the motivation to grow my hair, now you know.

O'REILLY vs. EMINEM

(Good looking out Mexican John)

LOA Artist Profile: John Wayne Gacy

j'boi Gacy was talented in more than one way as it turns out! In addition to to being one of the most talented killers of this era he was also good with a fucking paint brush! Peep game...

This piece is titled "Sex Skull", its one of my personal favorites! I especially like the boner in the skulls left eye socket! brilliant! For more art by Gacy check this link.

the art of John Wayne Gacy

fuck off.

Happy Easter

The owner of this costume and puppet shop is an alleged cyberstalker. I'm sure the combination of bunny suit, ghoul mask and black girl with purple hair and clown outfit convinced this reporter that she's innocent.

Refuse To Lose

TAKE THE LORDS OF APATHY LISA LOEB CHALLENGE!

It's Friday everybody! -And you know what that means... Actually you probably don't, but it's challenge time! This past week I was in Staples, trying to exchange an ink cartridge for my printer. I was already super frustrated because I forgot to write down the model number of the kind I needed. Anyways, after about 10 minutes of obsessively/compulsively combing the printer ink isle staring down the barrel of making a 3rd consecutive fruitless trip to Staples, the unthinkable happened... Lisa Loeb's "Stay" came on over the piped-in store PA system. All of a sudden I felt dizzy; and it got unbearably hot in there... The only thing I could think of is "I've got to get the fuck out of here -IMMEDIATELY".
I'm not sure what the point of telling you that was supposed to be, but here's your challenge: Turn the volume all the way up as loud as it will go and bump this L.L. joint to the bitter end, or for as long as you can hold out... Think of it as a test of your mettle. -Kinda like the Marine in those commercials where he battles that fire-breathing CGI dragon. Let me know how far you get, and a brief description of your struggle in the comments section below.
(For the record, I only made it about 8 seconds.)

KANYE WEST/ GAY FISH.

If you missed this week's episode of South Park, you pretty much blew it. In classic SP fashion they literally annihilated Kanye West and Carlos Mencia. Check out Kanye's surprising response from his blog below.. SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT'S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY EGO IS PLAYED OUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER. I USE TO USE IT TO BUILD UP MY ESTEEM WHEN NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME. NOW THAT PEOPLE DO BELIEVE AND SUPPORT MY MUSIC AND PRODUCTS THE BEST RESPONSE IS THANK YOU INSTEAD OF "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" IT'S COOL TO TALK SHIT WHEN YOU'RE RAPPING BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE. WHEN YOU MEET LITTLE WAYNE IN PERSON HE'S THE NICEST GUY FOR EXAMPLE. I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. I NEED TO JUST GET PAST MYSELF. DROP THE BRAVADO AND JUST MAKE DOPE PRODUCT. EVERYTHING IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. AS LONG AS PEOPLE THINK I ACT LIKE A BITCH THIS TYPE OF SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO ME. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I'M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I'M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I'M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DRAW MY CREW. THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY ALSO!! I'M SURE THERE'S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS... THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S ME!

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: MAI NISHIDA

Right now I'm feeling like this is the hottest chick who has ever lived.
(Click on image to enlarge)

MAI NISHIDA: LOA's 2009 PERSON OF THE YEAR

ELITA LORESCA

In case you live in Los Angeles and missed the weather forecast several weeks ago...Here ya go:

How does a T.V. work?

thank GOD for this fucking clip...

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SILENCE NEVER HEARD

RUSH LIMBAUGH SONNED BY ONE OF HIS CALLERS... (A REPUBLICAN CALLER)

It will be a great day in America when Limbaugh's fat little heart explodes while in the throes of some viagra-fueled boy-rape. It might not be that scenario exactly, but I'm positive that this dude is into some crazy-ass deviant shit that will lead to the end of his career and hopefully his miserable life. I'm calling it now. I predict that Limbaugh will be either a pariah or a dead pariah within the next 18 months.

XAVIER RENEGADE ANGEL

This is clearly one of the best shows on TV today. Know about it...
Watch Xavier: Renegade Angel - The 6th Teat of Good Intentions in Animation  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

-And while you're at it, get both seasons of 'Breaking Bad' also... TV Crack.

BOSOZOKU WHIP APPEAL

Damn... It looks like the GQ Hardbodiez car club needs to step their collective game up...Speaking of the Hardbodiez, fellow member, Mark Appleyard, has added 'The Silver Surfer' to his quiver of whips. (New video to follow shortly)

EXTREME VIRTUAL GRAFFITI!

WiiSpray Teaser from Martin Lihs on Vimeo. (Thanks Chung)

HARLAN COUNTY USA

REAL TALK

I just wanted to do a quick poll here. Who do you think is more likely to get laid sooner; This dude or our boy Jonathan Krohn the lil' conservative dragqueen? Submit your answer and a quick explaination why, in the comments section.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?...

I've hesitated to even dignify talking colostomy bags like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, by acknowledging their lunatic ramblings. But in doing so here; hopefully it will serve the greater purpose of singling out the profoundly stupid people who are eating this shit up. There's that saying "know thy enemy" and I think it is especially applicable here. In light of everything these NeoCon Conservative headcases have cheerled during 8 years of Bush, as our country spiraled down the toilet-(dragging the rest of the world with us); if you're one of the mongoloids still taking these guys seriously, then you are truly an intelectual lost cause.

FRANK ZAPPA WAS A COOL MOTHERFUCKER

I actually don't know shit about Frank Zappa or his music, but based on this appearance on crossfire from 1986, I'm gonna say that he was a real motherfucking gangster. Straight OG status(Thanks Kingpin Ronin! good looking out.)

ASIAN BABY OIL DANCERS

I'm fairly confident this one will get booted off of YouTube within the next couple of days, so enjoy it while it lasts.