REAL TALKER Du JOUR: IMPEACH OBAMA (Flavored dips)

Never before has a more eloquent case been made for impeachment. Chewing on flavored dips is your god given right as an American. Earth to Obama: "HELLLOOO???" Dipping is freedom of expression!! (I see you Matt Barlow)

More Rap...

i could be wrong, but i feel like this is the best rap song ever!

A Formal Apology (Yo, my man,...Do you like Hip Hop?)

First and foremost, I would like to make a formal apology to our readers for my heinous dereliction of duty these past months. I intend to get my shit together. Furthermore, I would also like to state that I, hereby,...wait a minute...look, i'm no good at apologies, i've searched and searched for ways to verbalize my remorse. As if through divine intervention, i have found a young, up and coming hip hop artist who I believe does just that. Real Talk. I realize 3 minutes is alot to ask for anyone to sit through, but this is an end to end burner that needs to be heard in its entirety for true appreciation (specifically when it hits the 0:44 minute mark). When I begin my career as a successful mixed martial artist, this will be my walkout music. All Apologies.

D(C)MD: Jhoon Rhee

In the late 80s your boy Murder Dog was a BG bopping his way through the DC and Northern Virginia streets with go-go p.a. tapes and DC Scorpio cassingles in his Sony Sports Walkman. This commercial was inescapable on channel 20 and anyone who grew up in the DC area during this time can sing the Jhoon Rhee theme (written by Nils Lofgren!) on command. There were tons of crazy rumors about the kids at the end of the commercial. The most popular was that they got jumped in a school parking lot in Falls Church and then Jhoon Rhee hunted down and killed the attackers like Charles Bronson in Death Wish. Everybody seemed to know someone who had a cousin/friend/uncle who witnessed the kids getting beat up, so this was just accepted as fact throughout the Fairfax Country Public Schools. I later heard local variations on the rumor that had the kids getting beat up in Maryland. Anyway, I recently read that the girl went on to be an import tuner model and the boy ended up being good at math.

LIL' DR. PHIL

This kid is unbelievable!! The mom might not be all that sane either.

QUESTIONABLE RAP THURSDAY: SO GAYNGSTA

QADDAFI’S CHURCH IS IN SESSION –By Nicky Vecki

(Gaddafi in mid-collar-pop at the United Nations)

Libyan leader Colonel Muammar el-Qaddafi (otherwise known as Muammar Abuminyar al-Qaddafi Guide of the First September Great Revolution of the Socialist People’s Libyan Arab Jamahiriya), gave his first ever address to the U.N. this week speaking for 94 minutes and illuminating a host of topics including the assassinations of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King Jr. He touched on the 1983 U.S. invasion of Grenada. He alleged that swine flu may have been created for military purposes and wondered aloud why the U.N. hasn’t been more successful preventing 65 violent wars that have occurred since its inception, when the stated goal of the U.N. is to maintain peace among member countries. He called the U.N.’s permanent five-member Security Council the “terror council,” even though Libya is one of the rotating members of the Security Council until the end of 2010. He even tore a copy of the U.N. Charter. Qaddafi was eventually cut off after far exceeding his 15-minute time allotment, but if allowed to continue he would likely have gotten around to espousing his ideas on string theory and lamenting Kanye’s affront to Ms. Swift at the VMAs among other equally unrelated topics. Some of his talk was real, some of it wasn’t, but his outfit was official as fuck and his entourage of female, S1W-style bodyguards had me pretty open as well. Earning even more style points Qaddafi set up his Bedouin tent on an estate owned by Donald Trump only after his original request to set up shop in Central Park was denied. Qaddafi usually likes to travel with at least one camel, too, but hating-ass New York officials weren’t trying to hear that, either.

KID LOVER SUSPENDED FROM LOA!

I'm posting this as if anyone even knew who 'Kid Lover' was; or that he theoretically was a contributor to LOA. For those of you not in the know, 'Kid Lover' is the dead weight that's been lifelessly dragging behind the blog like a human sandbag for the last 6-odd months; amassing a grand total of one uninspired, mediocre, very forgettable post. As of right now, I am hereby putting you on notice, either come through with something to validate your cyber-existence by noon Monday, or be forever banished from Lords of Apathy. Also, your post should include some kind of formal apology to our readers for your heinous dereliction of duty these past months. Seriously dude, get your shit together...

-Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esq.

RAMMSTEIN WEDNESDAY

This shit is fucking gangster... Ze Germans really know how to (make a) party. (I see you Claus Winkler)

THE BUSINESS

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

TUBE TOP TUESDAY

People have been telling me about this girl for months now. I finally broke down and checked out the online store where she plies her trade. I gotta be honest: the site she's on has some of the worst clothing ever. That said, I love tits. So, I'm kind of in a bind here.

"Cuomo Out For Blood, Kind Of" by Nicky Vecki

New York attorney-general Andrew Cuomo subpoenaed Bank of America board members this week in an attempt to solve the mystery of the bonus scandal at Merrill Lynch. The attorney-general’s office is trying to figure out exactly why Bank of America rushed to acquire Merrill Lynch last year, and why Merrill tried to sneak bonus payments to its top executives while its merger with BOA was being finalized. One of the individuals Cuomo subpoenaed is BOA board member and retired four-star Army general Tommy Franks. Yo Andy, as a general rule it’s probably not a good idea to subpoena someone who likely still has access to Hellfire missiles. A goddamn Predator drone can creep through the Upper East Side and light your ass up with the quickness, homie. Besides, what is the deal with higher-ups from the Defense department having second careers in the world of finance? Former Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara served as president of the World Bank from ‘68-’81. And Iraqi War architect and former Secretary of Defense Paul D. Wolfowitz recently served as president of the World Bank from ‘05-’07. What’s the line of thinking here? I can’t believe that the pool of candidates who are actually qualified to fill the top posts at the leading financial institutions in the Western world is so small that they have to opt for retired military brass. These guys’ core competency is blowing up shit in foreign countries. They don’t have CPAs or MBAs or any of that shit—they’re lucky if they’ve got a college accounting class under their belt and they’re virtually running our financial institutions. I’m probably just missing something, but I digress, back to Cuomo. This guy better keep his nose cleaner than a whistle for the next 10 years, or so. And he better not even THINK of running for New York governor, which I guarantee he’s got his eye on. Remember how those Neo-Con attack dogs retaliated against former New York attorney-general and governor Eliot Spitzer over fining Wall Street banks a measly $1.4 billion in 2002 as punishment for bilking investors out of a reported $8 trillion in 2001. They investigated the shit out of Spitzer and couldn’t come up with any actual malfeasance, so they got him for partying with a $1000-an-hour prostitute. As I understood it having extra-marital affair was the God-given right of every elected official, and was an accepted practice in nearly every country spanning the globe. Imagine Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi being ousted over having an extra-marital affair—not going to happen. Think about it. How are men this ambitious supposed to be satisfied with just one woman (or one man as the case may be for some)? When they first started accusing Spitzer of the prostitution stuff he should have been like, “Hey goddamnit, I’m running the state! If I can’t keep a little thousand-dollar-an-hour prune around for when I’m feeling frisky then what the fuck is the point of this shit? I don’t know, man. All I know is that Cuomo is going after small potatoes with this bonus payout stuff. These banksters robbed the U.S. in broad daylight and blamed it on market malfunction—they’re guilty of felonies of the highest degree, and our reformers are going after them for misdemeanors. No one is going to see jail time, and none of these financial institutions are going to pay fines anywhere near commensurate to the amount they’ve stolen. And in another seven or eight years they’re going to rob us again and they’re going to get away with it again, too, because the Federal Reserve, the U.S. Congress, and lapdog regulators are going to let them get away with it just like they always do.

Video Dating, yeah

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

Cat Mitzvah

My cat's been trying to get acting jobs for the last few years with no success. He thought converting to Judaism would help him in the entertainment industry. It's been a pain in my ass since now I have to keep two sets of plates and he turns the TV off on Friday nights, but he just got a callback for a role in the new Judd Apatow movie. Anyway, he's throwing a Rosh Hashana party tomorrow. If you're interested, send me your email address.

HOLY SHIT!!

Here are hundreds more reasons to not ever shop at WallMart: People of Wallmart

Kanye Needs Attention, Mouth Shot

I'm gonna take a quick break from Jake Cutler throwing a million interceptions to say a few words to Kanye about running up on stage at the VMAs. The shit is tired, homie. We get it. You must be the center of attention at all times. But, you already did the exact same thing at another MTV award show. Just like your beats on the new Jay-Z album, your whole style is stale. Taylor Swift is a 19 year old country pop singer. Pull this shit on MOP or Ghostface and let me know how it turns out. You are a fucking embarrassment to the City of Chicago. I'm sure your publicist is already cranking out an apology. Yawn...

And Kid Cudi, fuck you too for co-signing this shit (and just being generally wack).

Update: MTV took down the original video.

Michael Jordan Feels Beautiful

Michael Jordan will be inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame later today. MJ's commercials form almost as much of his legacy as his basketball accomplishments. Jordan's had some great commercials, but also some implausible ones, including one where he jumps to the ceiling for a hot dog. No Jordan commercial is more patently ridiculous than this Gentle Treatment commercial, though. I mean, everyone knows Jordan only kicked it with chunky white girls.

THONG THURSDAY:

I think I've posted this video before, but GODdammit, this shit is so dope! I really just love the fact that a little silver-haired gay dude can make a song called the 'Thong Song'. And what's even more ironic still is that there's almost zero thonged butts actually in the video, -even thought there was ample opportunity to do so... I don't care what anybodys says, this song is the JAM. Holler if you're smellin' what I'm cookin'.

Sisqo - Thong Song
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup - Watch more music videos, in HD!

TUBE TOP TUESDAY! (righting the ship)

Ahh... Tube Tops... Hot Latinas... A match made in heaven. I should be seeing this kind of shit daily. C'mon ladies; time is of the essence. (Good looking out Sister Nancy)

24 HOUR GHETTO WORKOUT

I can do all this shit... I just don't feel like it right now.(Good looking out B-Murder)

Dick Cheney Threadless Design Met With Mixed Reviews

THE REPUBLICAN STANCE ON DOMESTIC POLICY

Very insightful and informative...

LOA PICTURE OF THE DAY

I have no idea what the fuck this thing is... -But I NEED one. -Immediately. Send any leads to:
lordsofapathy@gmail.com(Click image to enlarge how fucking rad it is)

"WHO SHOT YA??" (Cat Edition)

Cats be set trippin and shit...

LOA JAMZ!: COME ON EILEEN

It's always wierd when one of those one-hit-wonder bands is able to come up with one of those jukebox classics that gets you krunk every time you hear it. I remember seeing these dudes perform this on Saturday Night Live way back in the day. It was dope because there was like 30 dirty motherfuckers up there in overalls just rocking their shit. One of my homies/ ill artist Kelsey Brookes has been known to rock a Dexy's M.R. steezo with the overalls and crazy-person beard... Shit is tight.

Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners
Uploaded by lemondedeyanis. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

THE SEVENTH LETTER X NEW ERA

If you're going to be in New York, holler at your boys!

Coolio Plays For Cash, Chicken

According to The Boombox:

Nineties rapper Coolio has been hired to play a small venue in Colorado for "$3,000, a bucket of chicken and a bottle of Patron (he likes the Silver variety)" according to the show's booker. The concert will be held on Sept. 6 at "The Deli Zone" a restaurant in Longmont, whose local paper hails the performance as "the city's first celebrity performance in recent memory."

"Where's Longmont at?" Coolio is quoted as saying, in response to being asked by the Longmont Times-Call if he'd ever been to visit the city.

I'd consider adding a bottle of Jergens and some ChapStick to that rider.

HORRIBLE RAP THURSDAY: MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE

To say this rap song is horrible, is an understatement... -But then again, it might actually be an overstatement, considering this techinically might not be 'rapping'. Actually, now that I think about it, this might not even be music.

THE DOCTOR IS IN...

Check for my new real talk advice column in Clout Magazine. Don't y'all bitches think it's time you got your shit together?

ANIMAL SPOTLIGHT: THE GIANT SEA WORM

Staff at a British aquarium have captured a massive sea worm that had been terrorizing other aquatic life. For months, the 4-foot-long creature — which staffers call “Barry” — had been devastating coral reef at Newquay’s Blue Reef Aquarium, the Daily Mail newspaper reported. The menacing monster also apparently injured a Tang fish. Initially, aquarium workers weren’t sure what was harming the coral, which in some cases was cut in half. After weeks with no clues, they decided to take the display apart to see if they could find the culprit, the Mail reported. Workers laid bait traps, which were mysteriously destroyed in the night, as the glutton apparently devoured the fish hooks right along with the bait. Finally, staffers spotted the tropical worm, which bit through a 20-pound fishing line before staffers were able to successfully remove it from the tank.

JOHN VOIGHT IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE

Wait... I still didnt get that part about how helping more people be able to afford healthcare, makes you a tyrant? Last time I checked, we weren't calling Canada and Great Brittain 'communists' or 'socialists' when we were begging them to join our misguided forays into Iraq... Here the real question at the root of this whole issue:
Is tbe goal of government to facilitate corporations making record annual profits? OR Is the role of government to facilitate a basic foundation for people to attain Life, Liberty, and the Persuit of Happiness? If you chose the first one, you are a Republican. If you chose the second one, you are a human being.

•LIFE -I.E. being the ability to stay alive. A determination I'd rather leave to people we elect to represent us in government, as opposed to insurance company CEOs, trying to make as much money as possible inspite of the medical care you or your family may need.

•LIBERTY - You know why they call it the "Public Option"? -Because it gives you a fucking OPTION. Right now the only options you have are deciding between trying to figure out how to pay for the overpriced/ inadequate private option (the one you can be dropped from at any time for little or no reason, if it means care you need, proves to be more expensive than your insurance company feels like paying for), OR -potentially dying because you cannot afford to pay for the 1st class health insurance every Republican senator and sellout 'blue-dog' Democrat gets (which happens to be paid for by the "public' I.E. the "government".

•THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS - For starters, pursuing happiness begins with staying alive and being healthy (see the first 2).
also, I don't think paying a little more for taxes (People making over 250K per year) will keep anyone from pursuing anything approximating happiness.

TUBE TOP TUESDAY! (Situation critical)

Because of the recession, there's been a major shortage of good tube-top pics on Google these days. Please help us out with a stimulus package of jpegs so we can help get this fucking blog back on track.Send all tube top related queries/ pics. to: lordsofapathy@gmail.com
Holler.