Mind's Playing (Jedi) Tricks on Me

Given that Halloween falls on a weekend, here is the obligatory Geto Boys post. Is anyone dressing up? Last year I went as "sexy blogger" but this year I might go as "guy too shy to talk to girls in slutty costumes" (it's pretty much a Joy Division t-shirt and corduroys).

Halloween Fashion Corner

Congratulations Digital Gravel, you are selling the Worst Shirt Ever™.

THIS JUST IN: THE BLATANT FUCKING OBVIOUS TRUTH FROM A MARINE

A former Marine captain who became the first foreign service official to publicly resign in protest over the war in Afghanistan says staying in the country is not in America's interest.

"The losses of our soldiers do not merit anything that comes in line with our strategic interests or values," Matthew Hoh, who signed on as a foreign service official in Afghanistan after fighting in Iraq, tells NPR's Melissa Block.

Hoh resigned last month after spending five working months in Afghanistan. In his resignation letter, he said he had "lost understanding of and confidence in the strategic purpose of the United States' presence in Afghanistan."

Hoh says he is more concerned about why the U.S. is in Afghanistan than debating Gen. Stanley McChrystal's views or those of others in Washington. McChrystal, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, has asked for an additional 40,000 troops, a request President Obama is considering.

"I prefer to keep talking about: Is it worth winning?" Hoh says. "Is it worth losing more lives? And is it worth spending billions of dollars that, frankly, this country does not have?"

Hoh began his public service in the Marine Corps. Then, as a civilian Defense Department employee, he led reconstruction efforts in former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein's hometown of Tikrit. Later, as a captain in the Marines, he fought in Iraq's Anbar province, where he was cited for "uncommon bravery." After his stints in Iraq, Hoh signed on as a foreign service official in Afghanistan, working on development efforts in Zabul province, a Taliban hotbed.

In his long resignation letter to the State Department, Hoh says the U.S. has not understood the true nature of the Afghan insurgency, and he uses the word "valleyism" to describe much of the insurgency there.

"In Afghanistan, everything is much more localized," Hoh tells NPR. "Allegiance is to your family, and then to your village or your valley, and that's what they fight for.

"There has not been a traditional central government there and I don't believe a central government is wanted, and actually, I believe, they fight the central government just as much as they fight the foreign occupiers," he adds.

Hoh says the five months he spent in Afghanistan, during which time he worked in two different parts of the country, put him in daily contact with Afghans. He says it was in conversations with them that his thinking on U.S. strategy in Afghanistan evolved.

"They are the ones that really codified my thoughts on this," he says. "And you realize that what they want is to be left alone."

In his letter, Hoh says families must be reassured their dead have sacrificed for a "purpose worthy of futures lost, love vanished, and promised dreams unkept. I have lost confidence such assurances can anymore be made." He says it was difficult for him to write that.

"But I don't believe we should continue losing and sacrificing our young men and women for goals that meet no strategic purpose to the United States," he tells NPR. "And the idea that we should continue fighting there just because we have been fighting there for the last eight years I think is completely irrational."

Hoh dismisses concerns, raised by others such as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, that a U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan will prompt a Taliban comeback and, consequently, a return of al-Qaida. He says after al-Qaida lost its Afghan safe haven following the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, the group evolved its strategy, looking beyond a political or geographical boundary.

"They are not looking for a safe haven in Afghanistan. They don't need that," he says. "They've already got safe havens in half a dozen other countries — Somalia, Sudan, Yemen."

More to the point, he says, the vast majority of attackers in al-Qaida's successful operations, including Sept. 11, are not from the ethnic Pashto belt of Afghanistan or Pakistan. They are, in fact, from the West and the Persian Gulf states. The continued U.S. presence in Afghanistan only reinforces al-Qaida's message, and causes people to want to fight the West and to join its ranks, he says.

"We have an approach where we haven't evolved ourselves. We're still set up to do our foreign policy and our defense operations like we were in 1991, and we need to change," Hoh says. "Al-Qaida changed, they evolved. They got smart about how they're going to do their operations. We need to do the same."

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=114287485&ps=cprs

THE SPECIALS

Dope song, dope video:

LOA PICTURE OF THE DAY

A little something for the ladies...

REAL TALKER: ANTHONY WEINER

THIS NEVER GETS OLD, EVER.

"THE AMERICAN FLAG SPLATTERED WITH GRAFFITI"

The Saber video I posted from last week appeared on Hannity's Republican talking points program yesterday (skip to 4:02)... 2 things: First; boy that's surreal... And second, That Michelle Malkin is both really really hot, and a really really terrible repulsive person. My mind is uber-liberal but my dick can be persuaded to be bipartisan. I'd definitely hit it...

MUST SEE TV!

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: SATO KAZUSA

Give me a goddamned break already....(Click image to enlarge the hottttnessss)

WHOOP THAT TRICK WEDNESDAY

REMIXXX!! Big up to my boy Lethal Chaos (there's such a high level of chaos going on with his guitar playing that it might kill you) Bobby's baby cousin on the M.I.C. -Get it Shorty!

ROSARIO DAWSON IN A BIKINI

Tell me this isn't close to the best thing you've ever seen:

QUESTION OF THE DAY...

Tell me the answer to this one since you think you're so fucking smart...

JOE LIEBERMAN: ASSHOLE

Sen. Joe Lieberman, the independent Democrat from Connecticut, emerged Tuesday afternoon from a meeting with his caucus as the center of attention -- again.

On his way in, he told reporters that if a public health insurance option was in the final health care bill, he would join a GOP filibuster to prevent it from getting an up or down vote. HuffPost asked him if there'd been much reaction from his colleagues in the Democratic caucus.

"Not really," he said, "because I think my colleagues know for a long time that I've been opposed to a government-created, government-run insurance company."

Lieberman stressed that he was not opposing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's (D-Nev.) effort to get a bill on to the floor -- one that includes a public health insurance option. Rather, said Lieberman, he would oppose a final vote on the bill by supporting a GOP filibuster if the public option remained in the bill. The difference is crucial, in that it allows the process to move forward. But it does present backers of a public option with the problem of getting 60 votes for a final vote to cut off a GOP filibuster.

LOA's PICTURE OF THE DAY

"I'M FED UP WITH THIS WORLD...."

YOU CAN'T MAKE A HOE A HOUSEWIFE

Don't take my word for it, take Tommy Wiseau's". "I'm fed up with this world!" -Real talk...

THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF TUBE-TOP TUESDAY!

Back by popular demand, Christina Milian is putting it down with a proper tubetop dress -You GO Guuuurl!

STOP BULLSHITTING

On some level, I do feel like there is a political method to Obama's madness regarding his blatant lack of support for the public option for health insurance reform. However, save the bullshitting and politicing for some other issue. We NEED the public option regardless of wether it appears to be 'bipartisan' or not. The country can't hold it's breath any longer waiting for one or two Republicans to sign on to what 70% of the country has repeatedly said it wants... Fuck, -we can't even get Republicans to sign on to a bill that is against institutionalized gang rape, let alone something that will benefit lower and middle class Americans. So seriously, it's time to man-up here. No more pussyfooting around trying to seem bipartisan, -Dude you're looking even weaker than Harry 'the invertibrate' Reid right now. Fuck Olympia Snowe, and the rest of her ilk, lets get this shit handled.

TOMMY WISEAU AND DAVID AFTER DENTIST

RUSS FEINGOLD D-WISCONSIN COMMON SENSE RUDDER FOR CLUELESS GOVT.

OPEN LETTER TO DOUCHEBAG YANKEE FANS

How much of a pathetic fuck do you have to be to actually care about this team? Is there really that much of a lack of interesting shit in your life? If so just kill yourself. Just fucking end it now so you can get out of the way of actual fans of legitimate teams. Yankee fans, you are the disgusting low hanging fruit of sport fandom. Mouthbreathers like you need to be sent off to Siberia so you can spare us of that sucking sound you make on Derek Jeter's nuts (Joe Buck). New York is a great town and deserves better than you fucks, sloppily gassing up a crooked establishment that has a boss tweed like grip on the league. Fuck You. and Fuck your shitty team. It's going to be great watching you to lose to Philadelphia, in the series. Assholes.

CHIPPENDALES' RUSSIAN YOUTH OUTREACH PROGRAM

Hey ladies, feast your eyes on this strapping young russian 'baby-body'. He's like a lil' diesel athletic-ass Verne Troyer. You GO boy!
Strongest Kid You've Ever Seen - Watch more Funny Videos

Abysmal Raps Keep Coming

Rhyming "Travis Barker" with "Bob Barker" is a new low in rap technology. That said, I have a feeling this is going to take off as a ringtone sensation, so I'm hitting the booth for a "My Asian Friends" remix. What rhymes with "good at math"?

HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE RAP FRIDAY: MILEY CYRUS

You can tell that she's rapping because she has a funky hip-hop attitude and she's got her cap cocked to the side.

BREAKUP ADVICE WITH KID LOVER

Ever-Shakespearian in his discourse, LOA's shamed blogger 'Kid Lover' stumbled into another dagger soundbite the other day. I had the sneaking suspicion that he was pulling a George Michael on us by trying to appeal to our heterosexual sensibilities, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one...

WHOOP THAT TRICK (GET 'EM)! ; AL FRANKEN WHOOPING TRICKS

I love to see peoples' simple-minded bullshit corporation-fed talking points shoved back down their throats. And by 'peoples' I mean 'parasites'. Get 'em AL!

DUDE SITS LIKE A LADY: KID LOVER GETTING IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE

No stranger to absurd, inaccurate statements, shamed LOA blogger 'Kid Lover', regularly has delusions of grandeur. When challenged on his dainty effeminate sitting style, he actually used the occasion to compare himself to JFK. What a fucking fool...

ALAN GRAYSON; H.N.I.C.

Pussy-ass Democrats take note. Alan Grayson is shining like a diamond while you're laying back looking all 'Harry Reid' and shit. You GO Boy!!

LOA READERS' 'POLL'

So here's the scenario; you can only pick one or the other here, staying as you are is not an option.
Question:
Would you rather have your dick be 25% longer but also 25% skinnier... -OR; 25% shorter and 25% thicker...? (Write all responses and reasons why in the comments section below:)

All Shakedown Artists Look The Same Anyway...

Go fuck yourself, San Diego. You know you don't have to read the teleprompter verbatim, right?

HOt ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: ASAMI TADA

I'm a little bit pissed about some of the comments on the last H.A.G.D.J. Chisato Morishita post. I know that this puts me at risk of being a pompous asshole, but I kinda feel like my word on hot Asian girls should be almost gospel by now. Certain people have been making accusations that Ol' Snickerdoodles is loosing his eye for picking them. To those people, I suggest that if you even so much as think that in a dream you better wake up and apologize. -I know what the fuck I'm talking about. (Click image to thank god in higher resolution)

REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES: PRO CORPORATION, PRO LIFE, PRO GOD, PRO GUNS, PRO VICIOUS GANG RAPE

Absolute fucking scumbags.

SABER'S MESSAGE ON HEALTHCARE REFORM

The Color Purple

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about life and how fragile it is. For those of you not already in the know, I am currently involved in an LA Jihad (on my ass). Not really knowing what to expect, I looked for information on possible gang attack scenarios. This one really struck a chord with me and I'd like to share it with you.

DMD's Art Nook

Just to quickly recap, Shepard Fairey took an Associated Press photo of Obama and used it to make the now-iconic "Hope" image which has been used on campaign posters and a zillion products. The AP wrote Fairey a letter saying he infringed its copyright. Emboldened by a bunch of hippie lawyers who took the case for free to get some publicity, Fairey sued the AP to get the court to say he didn't infringe. Today, Fairey admitted that he lied to his lawyers and the court about which AP photo he used, and that he intentionally destroyed key evidence in the case. Now his lawyers are quitting. Whoops.

Point blank: this guy is a terrible artist. As a man of the streets, you'd think I'd be riding for him, but he was so arrogant about his bullshit paintings ("I am an artiste!") that I started hating him on GP. Fairey has been a one-trick pony for years but has somehow skated by without people pulling his card. I don't care how many times he's been in Juxtapose, the propaganda portraits got tired the thousandth time I saw them. I mean, Fairey's whole style has been reduced to a computer program. Dude sucks shit.

SLANG UPDATE: ZERO BONER (Z.B.)

From the blog that brought you 'Chud' comes the latest in cutting edge EXTREME slang: 'Zero Boner (Z.B.)' We're still deliberating what the definition is, or what context it should be used in. If you guys have any suggestions lets hear it. -Holler in the comments section and lets make it official.

SURREAL JAPANESE GAMESHOW

I think that somehow this actually makes more sense if you don't speak or understand Japanese

HORRIBLE RAP WEDNESDAY; REDNECK OBAMA RAP

ENJOY!

A Formal Apology (to DICKHEAD POSSE)

DICKHEAD POSSE said..."Guess what!!
Kid Lover is now gonna be on the unfortunate end of a BEEF!!!
We can tell, by his shitty cords and pale socks that he is a complete stranger to any and all confrontations, so we have decided (being bullies) that we are gonna start an LA jihad on his ass. HE officially has BEEF with US. Get ready to get FUCKED UP ON SIGHT. BITCH ASS MARK. We are gonna beat you like a fucking Pinata just for looking at us the way you are in that picture. Thank Snickerdoodles for your straight up hard core steady ratpacking.
Welcome to death, Pop-Tart, and FYI there's no way to unfuck yourself outta this situation. faggot. Nice haircut shitface."

Dear DICKHEAD POSSE, I feel like we started off on the wrong foot. Just a little background for you. I have two very close BLACK friends, (Like really black, one has a dad that played basketball, the other one has a dad that's like REALLY from Africa). I studied martial arts (Karate) at a very early age and retired shortly thereafter with a yellow belt (red stripe). I've seen Menace II Society at least 100 times. I even saw that piece of shit, Baby Boy. I may not be from the hood, but i think i get the jist of it. I've definitely bought drugs in the hood. I smoked crack once.

Now, DICKHEAD POSSE, I wanted to touch on a couple of things you mentioned in your comment. First and foremost, i tip my hat to you, you are a warrior poet. I appreciate the fashion advice, the "shitty cords" however were actually faded black denim jeans (distressed, if you will) (I mean c'mon seriously, who wears corduroy in October?? It's not even winter yet, Hellooooo!!!). And much thanks for the "pale socks" mention (they were technically white, but regardless), you will be quite happy to learn that i immediately threw them out, and henceforth, shall only wear black (or dark) socks (what about Argyle? Forget it, I just realized how "faggy" that must sound). Hopefully, these minor adjustments, will help me to become involved in more confrontations. Ideally, i'd like to become a confrontation magnet. Kudos on the BITCH ASS MARK comment! Seriously, i would be so stoked if i could slip that into my everyday vernacular. Like if i could just be like, "I know the Maitre D' here, he's usually pretty cool, but that Sommelier's a BITCH ASS MARK!!"

I noticed you were also none too plussed about my gaze in the photograph, DICKHEAD POSSE. A thousand apologies. I've been told that i suffer from a condition known as Rape Face. It's an expression commonly found on the faces of rapists (or rapers) before they rape somebody. Sadly, i have genetics to thank for this one, but i swear to you, it was not intended as an act of war towards your person, DICKHEAD POSSE.

Snickerdoodles, if i haven't already, Thank you for my straight up hard core steady ratpacking. (Sincerely)

Maybe i'm just a "glass is half full" kinda guy, but i think i can "unfuck" my way outta any situation, Silly Goose!

And that was so weird when you mentioned Pop Tarts, because I still eat Pop Tarts!!! Can you believe it?!? You don't have to say it, i already know what you're going to say, DICKHEAD POSSE!!! You're gonna be all like, "OMG Kid Lover, You're like 31 years old and still eating Pop Tarts!!! How embarrassing, you should be so embarassed!!! That's what little kids eat!!!" Guilty as charged. But what can I say, I love Pop Tarts.

Lastly, I will start researching new hair styles and trends.

There you have it, DICKHEAD POSSE, I feel like the LA jihad on my ass can confidently be removed. I appreciate your constructive criticisms. And moving forward, I will do my best to be on the fortunate end of a BEEF!!! Oh, and I'm sooo not gay! LOL!!!

Lil Obama Wins Pageant, 2 Girls Pissed

Hampton University crowned Nikole Churchill its first white Miss Hampton University this week. Campus reaction was mixed , so she wrote a letter to Obama, asking him to drop by HU to address the haters. Writes Nikole:

I am hoping that perhaps you would be able to make an appearance to my campus, Hampton University, so that my fellow Hamptonians can stop focusing so much on the color of my skin and doubting my abilities to represent, but rather be proud of the changes our nation is making towards accepting diversity. People are even nicknaming me, “lil Obama” because of various reasons. This is truly an honor as well!

I'd love to know the "various reasons" why she's called Lil Obama. Maybe he's a lousy writer, too. Anyway, how mad are the two girls on the right? I can hear the girl in the white sucking her teeth through the photo.

LOA HOT CHILDRENS' TOY DuJOUR

"GIRLS ONLY" My Cleaning Trolley? Do I even need to say anything here? I mean really; somebody thought this was a good toy to make for little girls? I'm actually kind of shocked that they didnt just go all-out and use 2 little Mexican girls while they were at it. Why not just put the real thing in there: -a lil' Vacuum, a bucket, some bleach, a few sponges a swiffer wet-jet... -WHAT THE FUCK!?? I mean, you may as well be racist too while you're encouraging child labor and being completely sexist. Fuck it, throw in a Republican bumper sticker and include a book on how to give good handjobs. Teach them early.

LOA's KID LOVER UNFAZED BY THE IDEA OF BEING BURIED ALIVE IN AVALANCHE

In a heroic display of bravado, LOA's Kid Lover claimed that the fear of being buried alive in an avalanche, is "for pussies". Having spent extensive periods of time in and around snow, scraping it off his car (while attending art school in Chicago), this Texas native is no stranger to braving the elements. "Snow is light and fluffy" claimed the Lover, "If I was trapped in an avalanche, I'd just brush it off my face and maybe take a nap until somebody dug me out". To drive his point home, he claimed that he's about as scared of being buried in an avalanche as he is being submerged in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. Looks like this disgraced blogger is starting to get his swagger back. Stay tuned for further updates!

SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE

THE WEATHER IS ALWAYS HOTT IN MEXICO

Sugey Abrego is killin it with the forcast! I'm feeling the blues soundtrack backing this segment also. It's kind of like getting the weather, going to a Muddy Waters concert and being at a strip club all at the same time. -Viva Mexico!!

Nobel Prize Awarded, Worthless

Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning. He was nominated for the award just two weeks into his presidency and has accomplished nothing prize-worthy since. My guess is that Obama is just as embarrassed to receive this as the Nobel committee should be for having awarded it. Maybe it was a lean year for nominees. I heard Obama only had to beat Robert Mugabe, Peyton Manning and George Clooney.

Giving some context for how worthless this prize is, Gandhi never won it, but Henry Kissinger, Al Gore and Yasser Arafat have. The committee justified Obama's award by noting his desire to “strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples.” By this standard, Large Professor should have won the award in 1991. If there was ever a time for Kanye to grab the mic at an award show, this was it.

Hot ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: CHISATO MORISHITA

Chisato is Seriously banging...(Click image to see a bigger picture of this picture of Chisato looking like 'the bomb'.)

ALAN GRAYSON KICKING REPUBLICAN ASS!

AG's a monster!! The 'Brokeback' Democrats are getting some much-needed spinal stem cells injected into the party in the form of people like Alan Grayson and Anthony Wiener. Watch the knowledge being born...

INSPIRATION: FRIENDS OF TYPE

http://friendsoftype.com/

From the homies Erik Marinovic out in SF and Aaron Carambula in BKLYN , are hard at work compiling and sharing their and others type efforts from the "rejected" files and other sketches that would never make the light of day. Its a a great collaboarative project with lots of good samples. Peep game.

Racist or Not Racist: Australian Jackson 5

I could run down all of the questionably racist things about this video, but that would take all of the fun out of it. Perth Murder Dog hit me on the jack and said that this stuff is pretty common there, so maybe it's OK. Whether this is Racist or Not Racist™ is for LOA readers to decide.

Note that about halfway through, Harry Connick gets on the soapbox and speaks on behalf of the entire USA. Although I'm not a fan, I'm going to give him some credit for restraint. I probably would have C-walked on an Australian flag, punched a kangaroo and burned a photo of Paul Hogan before being removed by security.

LOA QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Useful for little else, LOA's shamed blogger 'Kid Lover' occasionally says something funny.

IRONLAK SWAGGERBALLERS IN CHICAGO

The boys at Supervision have done it again and cooked up some marvelous shit to get your collective mouths watering... Great Job KC and Noah. You guys can still keep your jobs -for now... -But don't sleep on my boy 'Angles'. -Homie's ruthless with the macro lense...

Ironlak Team USA in Chicago | Sept 2009. from Ironlak on Vimeo.

Tim Heidecker does it again...

Tim Heidecker in CLUES - "You Have My Eyes Now" (dir. Matt Wells) from Matthew Wells on Vimeo.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MOTHERFUCKING FOOTBALL!??

Here's to Americas most insidious traitor, Brett Favre, getting disemboweled tonight on Monday Night Football. Eat a dick and die asshole...

Mr. Hair Hat Takes Japan

I'm just thinking out loud here, but how about a New Era x Seventh Letter x Supercuts x Mr. Hair Hat collabo? Snick, make it happen!

REAL TALKER OF THE MONTH!; CONGRESSMAN ALAN GRAYSON

My boy A.G. just referred to Republicans as "FOOTDRAGGING, KNUCKLEDRAGGING NEANDERTHALS"!!! -And better yet, without even the smallest hint of 'I'm about to punk-out and apologize within the next 48 hours' cowardice (as is usually standard operating procedure with almost every other pussy-ass Democrat). This is exactly what America needs!! -Someone to stop bullshitting and keep shit real in politics! Closed circuit to President Obama, take a few notes on what a human spine looks like when flexing. Alan Grayson is a motherfucking GANGSTER!-You GO Boy!!

DEATHSTAR TRUTH

Art imitates life imitates art. Fairly brilliant:(blatantly stolen from The Gospel of Super Jesus. Holler at them)

REAL TALKER Du JOUR: FRANK SCHAEFFER

People like this give me a tiny bit of false-hope that the moronic religious right may one day pull their collective heads out of their collective asses. I know that they won't, but this former Evangelist Christian somehow managed to come to his senses... -Good stuff!