Nice one freshjive

Q: WHAT MAKES THE NY POST THE GREATEST MEDIA OUTLET IN THE WORLD? (by S.Poe)

A man accused of brutally stabbing his roommate to death in their Upper West Side apartment callously cleaned himself up after the murder and headed to Yonkers Raceway. Fredrick Zappulla, a crack addict and chronic gambler, intended to spend the afternoon betting on the track's slots after he killed Walter Walker, 63, on Saturday morning, law enforcement sources said. But Zappulla's plans got derailed when he ran into a EMS technician, whom he didn't know, at the racetrack and allegedly blurted out the gory details of how he stabbed Walker ten times. The 51-year-old man admitted he'd flown into a murderous rage when Walker confronted him about smoking crack in the apartment, according to sources. The two roommates argued in the kitchen, where Zappulla smashed Walker over the head with a frying pan and then reached for a knife and repeatedly stabbed him. After the murder, the drug-addled Zappulla -- who sells wigs for a living -- called his brother to say, "I killed Walter. He's in the apartment." Zappulla's brother immediately called 911 as the alleged killer changed his clothes and headed off to the track. Once there, he began blathering to an EMS technician who eventually persuaded him to talk to Yonkers police.
Zappulla was turned over to the NYPD and is charged with second-degree murder. A 41-year-old man who once rented a room from Walker said the victim met Zappulla in February after he advertised a room for rent in a newspaper "I warned Walter he was no good," said the ex-roommate, who did not want to be identified. "I thought he would stiff Walter for the rent," the man said, adding that he and Walker had discussed Zappulla's gambling problem. "He said, 'I'll be fine.'" The ex-roommate said Zappulla, who is six-foot-four and weighs 230 pounds, could have easily overpowered Walker, who suffered from Parkinson's Disease. Friends and neighbors in the building on West 71st Street near Broadway described Walker as an aspiring cabaret singer who loved to watch old movies and play records on his prized antique victrola. Walker earned a living running by operating a high-end cleaning service.A: READER COMMENTS!

What You Know About That Purple Pippen?

Rap Review Haikus

50 Cent "Before I Self Destruct"

same beats, same lyrics
50 owes me a refund
he ran out of gas

Felt "Felt 3: A Tribute to Rosie Perez"

i thought Aesop's beats
would break my ears and headphones
i was wrong. it's great

MUSIC AT IT'S WORST... -YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS ONE!

STOP THE PRESS!!! This is the worst song ever made. Every aspect of it is simply the worst. -Ever. The headline for this was originally going to be 'Horriblle Rap Wednesday', but I felt like that title did not go far enough. This shit is mindbogglingly awful. Fair warning; It's gonna make you a little bit pissed off. Everything about this is going to make you unhappy... And that's before you even come to understand the full scope of what we're dealing with. Here's the jist of it as described on Huffington Post:

Christian youth groups finally have an alternative to normal, aka "front," hugs. As we all know, face to face embraces run the horrific risk of a clothed crotch graze. The Christian Side-Hug (or the CSH, as the kids call it) rids us of sin, as the only below the belt contact will be some good old-fashioned hip on hip action. To help the side-hug fad sweep the nation, let us present this hardcore rap song. Yup, side-hugging has hit the streets. The group has as many emcees as the Wu-Tang Clan and as much power as a barbershop quartet.
Look out for the ominous sirens blasting on the track. Clearly, these are gangsters on the run from the law - probably from side-hugging up a storm! One emcee (wearing his bandanna 2pac-style no less) admits to taking part in the forbidden front-hug. But don't worry, God. He's married. At the end, they all simulate getting shot and dying. We can only hope there are side-hugs in heaven. To make matters worse, I actually copyrighted the 'side hug' a year and a half ago, and now these fucking assclowns are trying to claim it as some kind of lame Christian non-crotch thing? Get of my shit fellas... First of all, I'm all for peoples' crotches touching (no homo), I'm just too socially awkward to endure every other aspect of a 'front hug'. Besides, if the prospect of your dicks being directly across from someone else's dick/ vaj, within the confines of your/ their respective pants, then you've got way bigger psychological issues on your hands my friend. I'm just gonna skip to the thesis of this thing. There is no god. A truly loving god would not subject humanity to music this shitty. -In his name no less... I could see him blessing Roscoe Dash with the divine inspiration to record "All the Way Turnt Up'", but this side-hug shit; -no fucking way.

REAL TALKER: HOWARD STERN DISMANTLES KIRK CAMERON

(Blatantly stolen from Gospel of the Superjesus)

GAY KOREAN R&B IS THE SHIT!!

I don't know about you guys, but personally, I think more gay Koreans need to be making R&B music.

THE UTTERLY STUPID LEADING THE RETARDED

Like a Pied Piper for ignorant people, Sarah Palin is whipping her intelectually bankrupt base into a frenzy over her new book 'Going Rogue'. I gotta admit, its kind of interesting conceptually, the idea of a complete idiot who knows virtually nothing about anything, writing a book for people eager to absorb her lack of knowledge... Is it even possible to get dumber by reading? I think it might be. FUCKING CHRIST... When's Soulja Boy gonna write a book? My mind is in need of a vacation.

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: SAYAKA ISOYAMA

There's so much shitty stuff in the world, it's fucking depressing. This daylight savings time shit isn't helping either. How many more meals will I eat alone? Everything is awful. Sometimes it's nice to just look at a totally rocking cleavage. (Click image to perv in higher res.)

BETTY BOWERS; WATCH THIS, IT'S PRETTY AWESOME

(Blatantly stolen from Gospel of the Superjesus)

JUST WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE SONG 'ALL THE WAY TURNT UP' ANYWAY?

I feel it my duty to bring attention to the second hottest story burning up the www this week (the first being the controvercial Josh Lazcano sighting at Ikea). So without further adieu, listen to my boy Roscoe Dash keep it all da way funky with y'all about his SMASH hit single 'All the Way Turnt Up'.

REAL TALKER: 10-YEAR OLD WILL PHILLIPS

Granted, this kid is a total fucking nerdball, but I like his swagger. I think his refusal to recite the pledge of allegence was truly one of the most American things he could have done. You GO lil' nerd boy!

FULL MOON OUT AT BEARS/ EAGLES GAME (no homo)

NEW LOA SCREENSAVER FEATURING JOSH LAZCANO!

It's been a hot minute since we blessed you guys with a new screensaver, so we knew we had to come back hard! -(no homo). And what better way to do that than hitting you off with this super-offical LOA screensaver inspired by the story that's been burning up the internet this past week, -the recent Josh Lazcano sighting at Ikea! It is still unclear as to why Josh was there, but the word on the street is that he's had his eye on the Ofelia Skal duvet cover and pillowcase set for weeks. We'll keep you posted as more information becomes available.Click image to enlarge and drag into your computer's screensavers folder. (Good looking out young Leezy)

JANE SAYS

The Jane that keeps her dinner in her pocket is way cooler

LETTER TO JAIL

sorry if this post is as redundant as a moron on a recumbant

LETTER FROM JAIL

"I see SPEL up on the dance floor, we bust it up for a little bit at the end, tell him your my peoples, blah blah blah . . .he was cool busted it up about back in the day, yada yada ya... shows mad love asks me why I went over his man "(NAME REDACTED)" told him his man is a rat, he says, OH, thats why Es didnt want him to have anything to do with the roof project"

GOOD LOOK '09

What are you good looking at? Shoes: Lacoste. Pants: Lacoste. Shirt: Lacoste. Sweater: Lacoste. Raincoat: Mackintosh. La Cost: Zero Photo: Lila for Studio Gangster©2009

YOU'RE TALKING FOODSTAMPS WHEN THE NEW SHIT IS EBT, OLDHEAD!!

WE DONT SAY "FINE ART", WE SAY "INVESTMENT GRADE ARTWORK"

Please make a note of it.

DRUNKEN EWOKS RAMPAGING ON TODAY SHOW

Talk about 'All the way turnt up', the 'woks were running wild. What started off as some cute little background accents to the whole Star Wars theme, turns into complete anarchy. Highlights include them, sipping vodka, moonwalking, humping Al Roker's leg... I cannot stress this enough, watch the entire thing. It's priceless...(Good looking out Jason B.)

HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE RAP WEEKEND: ROSCOE DASH feat. SOULJA BOY (tellem)

What do you even call this genre of music? Technically they're rapping; but not well. And by any stretch of the imagination, you could not convince yourself nor anyone else that this is good. But by about the 3rd or 4th listen, it has completely taken over your mind. Soulja Boy really has the knack for making shit that's god-awful and yet completely infectiously catchy at the same time. I guess this time around, I'm just happy I don't need to learn a new dance to go along with this one.

DIE DIE DIE MY DARLING

Misfits cover done to perfection...

Americans Suck.

I use to think Congress were a worthless bunch of greedy, incompetent assholes, but now that I think about who they are actually serving, I don't blame them for not giving a shit.
I'm guessing theres a longer video to this out there, but the embarrassing, shameful,point is made.

LORD STEVE POWERS

It's official. Our boy Steve Powers has joined forces with Lords of Apathy, making the world's most dangerous blog exponentially /esponentially more dangerous! We have been working on bringing a 'Josh Lazcano's Dark Corner' column to the blog for some time now, but our overtures were rebuffed on the grounds of blogging not being very goth or cynical. The last time I checked, getting spotted at Ikea was not very goth or cynical either, so I'll keep you guys posted... Anyways, Its an honor having a sarchastic, witty motherfucker like Steve on the squad. Welcome to the gang Steve...

GRAFFITI ART

Regular viewers of the Steve Powers Show know you can call me anything but a Graffiti Artist. I I hate the term more than phase 2 hates the g-word. I love that word graffiti, its everywhere I want to be: Illegal, unlawful, longing to be where it doesnt belong. And I think in 2009 graffiti serves the same purpose it did in 1969, to bring life to dead spaces- rusted trains, brown track sides, Starbucks bathrooms.  But when you go and slap the word art on the end of graffiti it denigrates both words. Graffiti is good at being graffiti, until it starts apologizing for itself. "I dont do graffiti, I do graffiti art"-like youre justifying it to your mom. If your mom likes your graffiti, you may already be falling off. I wrote graffiti between 1984 and 1999. It wasn't after getting a rep in two cities for it, or after writing a book on the subject, but only after I did a good piece in the Bronx that I felt I had done it all, and it was time to quit. I wanted to go away and be a toy again at something else, so I started making paintings. Terrible, terrible paintings. I was a bad artist, but I was making art. The definitions to me are real simple- Graffiti is an advertisement for yourself, art is an expression that exists solely to depict a life and time. That said, I think some graffiti can be art; A lot of what Blade and Reas have done qualifies to me. But unless you are in the gallery world, and preferably the museum world, you're in the wilderness and people can and will ignore you. I wont be ignored. I want to be in league with Matisse and Tom Sachs, the way I was with Cope 2 and Kadism. I know that the art world is a weird place with weird pretentious attitudes, but have you been to a graffiti-art show? psssshh.

In the 10 years since I picked up a brush, I must have done 25 gallery shows, plus many public art installations, its a pretty insane pace, but I'm learning on the job, trying to master the craft, and I felt way behind, being that I started getting serious about art as a 30 year old. Plus 2 year old malcolm needs new shoes, and those european joints look good on him. Lately I've been branching out from the fancy galleries towards spaces I call "beautiful losers" galleries; Smaller, hungrier, showing more young artists and selling more work at a  slightly lower price point than the bigger spaces.  In the last 13 months I have had 4 gallery shows and realized a 50 wall project in Philly. All total- 50 paintings and 50 walls. Thats some renaissance era output there (right down to the 30 assistants I had helping me), and definitely a large percentage of that work that will be identified as important, maybe my best. no homo. 

So all that said, I paint more now as a 40 year old artist with a kid than I ever did as a 25 year old vandal with no scheduling conflicts. Besides the motivation that a kid provides, I have a lot more inspiration to work with in art, theres only so much you can do with 4 letters, or so I thought. In the last year, it's been clear that no matter how long ago I quit, gallery people were insisting on adding ESPO as a middle name or an AKA when they were promoting me. Its been going on since 1999, but this year I started to embrace it. In Feburary in Brussels at Alice Gallery I wrote a bunch of tags inside and outside the gallery. The Philly project was one giant graffiti extravaganza, and I started adding tags into the paintings I make, as icons that represent me, but it went to another level last week in San Francisco at the White Walls Gallery. Justin Giarla, White Walls boss, booked an ad in Juxtapoz for my show as ESPO Exterior Surface Painting Outreach. I had no idea that he had done this until I got to the gallery ready to work. Beyond the weidness as being promoted solely as ESPO, the Exterior Surface Painting Outreach bit was an acronym I cooked up to get people to not call the cops when I was painting gates in NYC in 1997-98. So I busted Justin's balls about it, but only a little, because it's really my fault that I havent defined myself better, I've been too busy painting to get my press releases in order.  After we went back and forth about it for 2 days, I asked him, "can you sell more work if I'm ESPO?" he said yeah, so I went let ESPO out for a walk, and we started tagging the gallery.

Lo and behold what happened was really graffiti art. There was plenty of just signatures and style, but there was a lot of writing that depicted the life and times of our people. Nemel caught a tag and I turned his N into a caricature of him while his nemesis Kaves rains fists down on him and HOT HEAD holds a pistol on him. SKREW driving with coke on the dash (aka dash snow) ok, skrew's more of a beer and hoagies guy, but its a good visual joke. SLOB declaring war on west philly with a slim jim in his hand. After Nemel seemed to be slipping back into darkness, I caught a tag in one shot and a quill brush of his recently deceased IRAK team mate Dash with an upside down cross on home plate and Nemel with a bat in the batter's box. The best of all the graffiti art I did was this; Buck 50 came around the gallery a few times, I asked him to put his man KERSE up, but I asked him to bring his own marker. He never remembered to. Finally Puzl came thru, and on request, put up a half dozen Kerse tags. Buck showed up afterwards and I said, "ahh, it's cool, another seattle resident hooked up Kerse" Buck asked who, and when I told him he laughed, "oh no, we dont fuck with that nigga, is he in there now?" I said, "yeah, come say hi" and a minute later they were shaking hands and squashing some 15 year old graffiti beef. Later that night, close to the opening, the security guard, a long time sf veteran, asked what he should do about taggers. I said "dont let anybody go over anybody" He said "thats gonna be impossible, I mean if this guy (points to a buck50 tag) sees this guy (points to a puzle tag) its gonna be war". I said "well what if its like this?" and I pointed to where I drew a crossword with the solutions PUZL KYT shaking hands with a BUCK 50 represented by a Dollar and 2 quarters. Security Guard said "I would love that to happen, theres been way too much bullshit in SF for too long now". He left the room and me and puzle just raised our eyebrows and went back to work.

EXTREME POGOTARDS

My mind has officially been blown. On the same day I saw this EXTREME pogo-ing video I also got confirmation that Josh Lazcano was spotted sheepishly wandering around a Los Angeles area Ikea... The world is fucked up.
Failed Pogo Stick Compilation - Watch more Funny Videos(Good looking out Baby Bird Matt)

Album Cover of the Year Voting Starts Now

I think they got Terry Richardson to shoot the photos and then Pen & Pixel did the the layout. So much emotion in this cover. Without even hearing the music, I can feel that these guys (1) make money, (2) are cold, (3) know how to wear some hats, and (4) just don't give a fuck. If anyone knows where I can can get a New Era with a dollar sign on it, holler at DMD.

JESSICA GOMES IS FLAWLESS

once again... HOW TO ACT.

REPLACE THE TOILET PAPER... FOR FREEDOM

An Oral History of Mr. Hands (as told by Fallon)

...complications from that sperm or some shit...

CHIMPANZEE FORCES A FROG TO GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB

I think the soundtrack of the child wimpering, goes with this video perfectly.(Good looking out KC you sick bastard)

CHUD OR NO CHUD?: KELLY OSBOURNE

A great man once said: "The true essence of' Chud or No Chud' lies in it's power to make us all dredge the depths of our sexual depravity. It makes us publicly confront the parameters of who we'd bone, in spite of subjecting yourself to the scorn and ridicule of your peers."
-Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esquire

I believe that right here, right now, we as a people can do something critically important to shape the future of our world. It is not enough for us to just sit idly by and let others decide which marginally attractive entertainers or television personalities are chuds and which are subchuds. We must seize the opportunity, and make these petty, frivolous judgements for ourselves. Who among you has the guts and integrity to man up, stand with me, and take this week's 'Chud or No Chud© ' challenge? (Click image to enlarge the horror)
In many ways, Kelly Osbourne embodies everything that sickens me about humanity. Her rise to fame is emblematic of a generation where you you can be a famous celebrity despite not having done jack dick. Try explaining to a young kid the merits of hard work and perseverance after they've just watched an episode of 'My Super Sweet 16'. Imagine growing up in a world where for some reason we happen to know who Kelly Osbourne even is, solely based on the fact that her now quivering irrelevant mumbling dad was semi-cool like 30 years ago... -Yeah dude, You're the "Prince of Darkness" -I remember you telling me on MTV2 and that Verizon commercial. -Seriously dude, just stoppit already...

Anyways, this brings me to the thesis question of this thing. -Would you bone Kelly Osbourne? Nobody's got to know. -Your possibly a little bit drunk on a thursday night and feelin lonely... Despite her disgusting, gothic, chubby, pasty, Sammy Sosa-esque, face of hers; -about a foot south of that monstrosity, lies some pretty major juggs... It is what it is people, I calls it like I sees it. -That's just what she brings to the table. I present you the facts and I let you sort it out.

A few rules for your evaluation:
The chud-spectrum breaks down into 3 general categories: 1.Hot 2.Chud, and 3.Sub-Chud:
• The Hot category is a no-brainer. Everyone and their dad would hit that. -Think Emanuelle Chirqui...
• In the Chud category, there's a glimmer of something there. You can't quite put your finger on what that is, but most likely you'd put your dick on what that is...-(provided that shit stays on Downlow.) -Think Kelly Clarkson
• Sub-Chud is pretty self explanatory; It's not happening...-EVER. No way, no how. -think Republican congresswoman Michelle Bachman.

In the Comments section below, please leave your stance on where you think Kelly Osbourne falls on the chud-spectrum, and site reasons for your decision. We will be scientifically compiling this data to come up with the official verdict as to weather or not she is indeed a chud or not. Good luck everybody!!

I'M NOT GAY...-BUT THIS VIDEO IS KINDA THE JAM!!

This shit is bangin! (no homo).(Good looking out T.H.L.AT. (no homo))

HEY, WHAT THE FUCK'S UP WITH SAMMY SOSA?

Sammy Sosa's skin appears to have lightened considerably. Photographs taken at an event in Las Vegas reveal a surprisingly light pigmentation on the former slugger. While no cause has been established at this time, the web site Midwest Sports Fans speculates that steroid use could be responsible. Sosa appeared with his wife, Sonia at the Latin Grammys in Las Vegas over the weekend where he shocked the world with his new light almost white skin.The former MLB baseball player may be suffering from an illness such as Vitaligo or is he bleaching his skin? Sammy who was born with brown eyes was also spotted wearing green contact lenses. Looks like someone's been using the Pond's 'Flawless White'...

I'M NOT GAY...-BUT THIS SONG IS KINDA THE JAM!!

I posted this one a few months back but I had no idea he was doing a REMIXXX. Please take a few moments to re-feast your eyes/ ears on this. It's pretty slick how homie flipped the lyrics on it to really make it his own -read the captions.. (closed circuit to Chris Hanson, -I need a ringtone of this ASAP!) And since we're already smoothing it out on the KR&B (Korean R&B) tip, peep game on this ill rendition of "I still Believe". Homie MURDERS IT!!! -Shouts out to Bobby Tang on this one -You GO boyyy!

Dude, You're Fucking Blowing It

"I just flew in from DC and boy are my arms tired. Big shout out to the homie Joe Medicine Crow! Navajo women looking good in the audience tonight. Give yourselves a round of applause. But seriously, there was a tragic shooting at Fort Hood today..."

What more evidence do we need to conclude that Obama has surrounded himself with clowns? This meaningless appearance should have been cancelled or he should have lead off with sympathy straight from the gate. If Obama's crew can't figure this out, they need to go. I don't care if they can shoot the 3 or raise money through Twitter. These dummies blew it on controlling the healthcare story, stoke petty fights with Fox News and Rush Limbaugh and just generally make the president look like an idiot.

I know a number of people who left Chicago to work in the Obama administration, and I would not pay any of them to shine my shoes let alone handle the president. These are people who got A's on tests but are shocked to learn they still make vinyl records; who care deeply about "the struggle" but never met anyone who lives south of Roosevelt Road or west of Western; who think everyone who is not a Democrat is a hillbilly.

We are thisclose to one term territory, amigo. Pink slips need to rain down in the White House like Ben Gordon jumpers because this is becoming an irreversible joke. CLEAN FUCKING HOUSE!

HOMOPHOBIA

To the people who are constantly tripping about Obama taking away your freedom (and shockingly weren't during Bush's presidency), here's a bit of advice; -If you want to avoid looking like even more of a stupid fucking hypocrite asshole, quit shitting on other peoples' rights. If you're against gay marriage, -don't marry a gay person. It's really, really simple. Do your thing, practice your religion, have your beliefs, marry who you want to marry, and let other people do the same. You can't be all about your own freedom and then turn around and hate on somebody else's. That's insanity.

TOO WHITE, TOO STRONG

In the spirit of Detroit Murder Dog's 'Racist or Not Racist' series, I present to you Ponds' new campaign which basically says "You are much more lovable if your skin is white"... -SO FUCKED!! Not only that, but the fucking product is called 'Flawless White'. Not very subtle at all.
They made a mini soap opera out of this, here's all 5 episodes back-to-back.

LOA PICTURE OF THE DAY

REAL TALKER: CHRIS MATTHEWS (HUH?)

Remember when Chris Matthews was a total sack-rider for the Republicans during the Bush Admin? He has been on a hot one lately. Watch as he steamrolls conservative idealogy on healthcare (non)reform...

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: MIKA INAGAKI

Every time I think of you, My heart starts movin' like a freight train, And having you is tearing me apart, I don't really need the pain, no... Sometimes I feel like leavin' for good, But I'm a fool who wouldn't leave you, Even if I could. Every time you touch me, well you know,I feel the blood rushing through my veins, Girl you mean so much to me, that's the reason, Why you're driving me insane. Ooh, every night I'm losin' too much sleep, I can't give up, 'cause now I'm in too deep with you. I can't live with you, I can't live without you. I still don't know just what I'm going to do about you. Heart to heart, I'd never run away, It's time to part, but I can't say good-bye. I love you so much (-can't hold on), Need you so much(can't let go), But you're tearing me apart (Lisa) (can't hold on).

VICTIM IN FATAL CAR ACCIDENT TRAGICALLY NOT GLENN BECK

Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

REPUBLICAN SEN. DAVID VITTER CONFRONTS RAPE VICTIM

Watch as slimebag Republican Senator/ whorehouse regular, David Vitter tries to defend his indefensible vote on Sen. Al Franken's anti-rape bill. Note his deflection, by lying about having the same stance as President Obama on the issue. I'd have more respect for the guy if he had just said, "Of course I'm against giving government contractors immunity from prosecution in cases of rape; -however, I'm a Republican and I stand in opposition to anything a Democrat proposes, right or wrong". That would at least be a more honest version of hypocrisy without insulting my intelligence at the same time... Then again, that would also make a huge assumption that he actually is against unpunished rape. And you know what happens when you 'ass-u-me' things...

LOA JAMZ!

I'm not even gonna dignify this song with a "no homo". -This song is straight FIRE!! -Act like ya know bitch!

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: YOKO MATSUGANE

You're knockin' on my door, Say ya want me back again, Say ya wanna try once more, But a broken heart don't mend, Wasn't all that long ago, You swore that we were through, Don't know what you want from me, Don't know what I need from you, First you feel the pain,Then you start to cry, When someone breaks your heart, Just makes you wanna die, Ya feel you can't go on, Can't face another day, Until the hurt is gone, Love cuts you deep that way...

EVERY DAY IS HALLOWEEN

I GOT MONEY IN THE BANK, SHAWTY WHATCHA DRANK?