LOA CAREER MOVE OF THE DAY

So you got 56 stars tattooed on your face; -big deal. Everybody's got facial tattoos these days. But you made the problem worse when you caved in once your pops and boyfriend started tripping about it. -You thought they were going to be hyped that you turned your face into a partial scabby map of the milky way!? Look; if you're going to get a face tattoo, -OWN that shit.  You can't be all 'Mitt Romney' about it, you gotta be all-in, and just kiss your normal-faced life goodbye.  Instead what you did was go out like a total pussy and in the process, make one of the most outlandish lies of all time.  

So lets recap:

•Terrible idea -Check

•Terrible decision -Check

•Total flip flop -Check

•Lie/ snitch on somebody else -Check

Learn more about this stupid-ass idiot here, and check out the dude who gave her the tattoos here. By comparison, what she got is nothing to write home about...

Republican Mad Libs

"I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a ________, but you don't need to be in the _______ every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this _______ when _______ can serve openly in the _______ but our kids can't openly celebrate _______ or _______ in school.
As President, I'll end Obama's war on _______. And I'll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage.
_______ made America strong. It can make _______ strong again.
I'm Rick Perry and I approve this message."

ok now lets see how many you got right...

HANK WILLIAMS JR.

-What... a fucking... idiot.    
"OBAMA!!!"

Clown Hall of Fame

I'm gonna break LOA ranks and say that I never liked this guy. Wearing an adjustable baseball cap backwards is my personal douchebag litmus test and Weiner failed a long time ago. I also thought he was a loudmouth who gave off a weaselly vibe. The whole thing was non-cipher. Now he's saying that he's going "to seek professional treatment to focus on becoming a better husband and healthier person." Sexting rehab?! C'mon, g. Now you're just insulting my intelligence.

Look, setting aside whatever you think about Weiner politically, he is an imbecile. He sent sexually oriented messages to a bunch of women under accounts with his real name (!), got busted, said he got hacked (!!), said he couldn't tell "with certitude" whether the pics were him (!!!), and then sent all of the women emails explaining how to try to cover this up (!!!!).

I don't even care about him sending messages to these women, but the fact that he would do so under his real name and document the whole thing in writing makes me wonder if he even has the requisite intelligence to drive a car, let alone serve in Congress. I'm a blogger with nothing to lose and I have maybe 20 alias email addresses, Facebook accounts, and AIM handles. When I want to send pics of my (huge) penis to (mostly Japanese) girls online, I do so as SuaveItaliano312, MrRoboto69 or Esteban Hernandez.

The iPad is Killing the US Economy

Despite Derrick Rose's best efforts, it ain't all good in Chi Town. This week, Congressman/imbecile Jesse Jackson Jr. took to the House floor to blast the iPad as a jobs killer. Steve Jobs and the Chinese get fat while the American paper book industry crumbles. Ban the iPad! While we're at it, fuck Microsoft Word! It's putting typewriters out of business!

Under ordinary circumstances, Jesse Jr.'s complaint about the desire of some schools to use the iPad instead of traditional paper books would be merely laughable and ill-informed. However, it gets upgraded to "fucking moronic" when you remember that just last month Jesse Jr. made a speech in Congress advocating for a Constitutional amendment to guarantee a iPad to every child. Peace to everyone on the South Side who voted for this clown.

VICTORIA JACKSON; FUCKING IDIOT

Wait... Why are you relevant again?

Protect Your Head

Get ready to have your wig literally pushed back. If you thought the answer to "how do you wear a hat?" was "put it on your head," you would be dead wrong. ExpertVillage takes us through a hat quartet in this clip. Keep some Advil handy as this video gave me a headache (too much knowledge).

Tale of Two Vietnams

Houston voters stay sipping that syrup-- even in the voting booth. Listen as Texas Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee drops knowledge about the "two Vietnams." We had some LOA staffers hit the history books. As it turns out, North and South Vietnam were united 35 years ago.

For those keeping score, Jackson Lee previously demanded that hurricane names be more ethnically inclusive to sound less "lily white," asked a NASA official if the Mars Pathfinder found the flag planted by Neil Armstrong (on the moon), and got herself banned from Continental Airlines for screaming at airline staff about the whereabouts of her seafood meal. She should quit Congress and host Comic View.

SPECTACULAR MORNING RACISM FROM FOX AND FRIENDS

Classic case of 'I just said something stupid, so let me try to obscure it by saying 5 more equally stupid things'. Steve Doocy accidentally reveals some raw uncut racism in the most bumbling awkward way possible. I'm just surprised that he didn't take the opportunity to lump all blacks in with middle-eastern people as his preferred targets for airport racial profiling. The situation is exponentially sweeter in that the consultant he's speaking with is a Muslim named Ahmed Rehab. C'mon Steve... -Try to keep up. Even the most seasoned rasicts know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. You're making this look like amateur hour.

LOU DOBBS IS AN IDIOT

Public speaking 101

BUSH'S GREATEST HITS...

You'll never guess what he did this time!!! -Wait... -Yeah you will. It's the same old stupid-ass shit as always.

MR. PRESIDENT, WHAT'S YOUR DEFINITION OF SUCCESS IN IRAQ?

MITT ROMNEY CAN RELATE TO BLACK PEOPLE

What does one of the leading Republican candidates do when he's suddenly surrounded by black people? Recite the words to the only "rap song" he knows.