MUSIC AT IT'S WORST... -YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS ONE!

STOP THE PRESS!!! This is the worst song ever made. Every aspect of it is simply the worst. -Ever. The headline for this was originally going to be 'Horriblle Rap Wednesday', but I felt like that title did not go far enough. This shit is mindbogglingly awful. Fair warning; It's gonna make you a little bit pissed off. Everything about this is going to make you unhappy... And that's before you even come to understand the full scope of what we're dealing with. Here's the jist of it as described on Huffington Post:

Christian youth groups finally have an alternative to normal, aka "front," hugs. As we all know, face to face embraces run the horrific risk of a clothed crotch graze. The Christian Side-Hug (or the CSH, as the kids call it) rids us of sin, as the only below the belt contact will be some good old-fashioned hip on hip action. To help the side-hug fad sweep the nation, let us present this hardcore rap song. Yup, side-hugging has hit the streets. The group has as many emcees as the Wu-Tang Clan and as much power as a barbershop quartet.
Look out for the ominous sirens blasting on the track. Clearly, these are gangsters on the run from the law - probably from side-hugging up a storm! One emcee (wearing his bandanna 2pac-style no less) admits to taking part in the forbidden front-hug. But don't worry, God. He's married. At the end, they all simulate getting shot and dying. We can only hope there are side-hugs in heaven. To make matters worse, I actually copyrighted the 'side hug' a year and a half ago, and now these fucking assclowns are trying to claim it as some kind of lame Christian non-crotch thing? Get of my shit fellas... First of all, I'm all for peoples' crotches touching (no homo), I'm just too socially awkward to endure every other aspect of a 'front hug'. Besides, if the prospect of your dicks being directly across from someone else's dick/ vaj, within the confines of your/ their respective pants, then you've got way bigger psychological issues on your hands my friend. I'm just gonna skip to the thesis of this thing. There is no god. A truly loving god would not subject humanity to music this shitty. -In his name no less... I could see him blessing Roscoe Dash with the divine inspiration to record "All the Way Turnt Up'", but this side-hug shit; -no fucking way.

DRUNK BLOGGING VS. THE SIDE HUG

Let me just say this up front. I'm fairly drunk right now, so if what I'm saying right now doesn't make an ounce of sense, then just disregard it. I was just at the Mickey Avalon show at the Grove in Anaheim tonight; and in order to camouflage my severe social anxiety, I decided to throw back a bakers dozen or so vodka-oriented drinks in order to make my life seem quasi-tolerable for a few hours. One of the conversations I remember having this evening was with my boss's wife who mentioned how I claimed to have invented the side-hug. In my mind, I already hold the international copyright on the side-hug. -However; in reality, I'm pretty sure I just adopted a fundamental move in a regular person's arsenal of normal social interactions. For those of you who are not familiar with what I'm talking about, the 'side-hug' is the move where you slide up next to somebody where you are both facing the same direction (I.E. NOT each other) and rock the one-armed 'side hug'. I can't say enough about it... It's fucking brilliant. I'm a walking trainwreck socially. I cannot function in the most basic situations. I hate most forms of communication; -especially in the form of physical contact. I don't like touching people, or being touched... -that is, unless we're both naked, and one of us (I.E. -not me) is hot and or asian. Because of this, the side-hug takes the edge off considerably.