Russell Westbrook's Guide to Media Relations

My Favorite Player

Derrick Rose is from Englewood and reps Chicago to the fullest. When he got hurt last season, his injury broke the city's heart and not because it meant the Bulls' playoff run was over. It was like a family member got injured. Even my mom (who has never watched a single basketball game in her life) called me upset. He's not the first pro athlete to play in his hometown, but I don't think a city has ever bonded with a local star like Chicago has with Rose. You can see some of the reasons why in this video. At a moment when he should be hyping his new shoe and counting that adidas money, he spontaneously breaks down and thanks his fans. If you don't like D.Rose, then you don't like basketball (or humanity).

Let's Go Thunder

KD you're our only hope.

What Part Of The Game Is This?

There is a game-within-a-game going on in the NBA Playoffs. Quiet as kept, the players are in a fierce competition to out-Urkel each other with the worst outfits outside of Williamsburg (pick one, NY or VA). I thought Russell Westbrook had it sewn up with his nautical nerd look, until Amare Stoudamire came off the bench with a post-apocalyptic Jewish hipster aesthetic. Dwayne Wade just called HORSE on all these fools with thick rimmed (pause) lensless glasses. For real, dude? Is "Hamburglar" the look that's popping in the streets? Are you Humpty Hump in a Digital Underground cover band? Is "fake disability" the new black? Oh man, I miss Derrick Rose...

Please Make It Stop

Congrats, whore.  You won the race to the bottom of increasingly dumber Lin puns.  I'm sure your dad is stoked.

ESPN is the Worst

Original headline was "Knicks Nipped" until ESPN realized Jeremy Lin's parents were from Taiwan.

LOCKOUT

The NBA locked out its players this week. Most of my day is spent reading and talking about basketball, so I'm sure this will be the most productive period of my life. Since Friday morning, I read some books, mixed down my demo tape, learned Mandarin and prestiged 4 times in Black Ops. With all of this extra time on my hands, I think I'll launch that airbrushed tee business I've always talked about. That David Stern joint was a 1 of 1, so please don't ask if I can make any more.

Marquis Daniels Has The Best Jewelry

Marquis Daniels hired Jason of Beverly Hills to create this 3 pound gold and diamond replica of his own head (a "Marquis piece"). Great investment. When the NBA locks out its players in a year and Marquis needs cash, there will certainly be a bidding war for this 1 of 1 bejeweled replica of a guy who averages about 20 minutes and 9 points off the bench for the Cs. Word to the wise: don't wear that chain to Chicago, bruh. Just ask former Celtic Antoine Walker.

Marquis Daniels Has The Best Raps

Marquis Daniels raps under the alias "Q6" on Gucci Mane's "Pussy and Patron." David Stern, holla if ya hear me!

Marquis Daniels Has The Best Tattoos

Boston Celtics benchwarmer Marquis Daniels has the best tattoos in the NBA. Check these out.

This is an off-center and distorted outline of Florida.

"Only the strong survive" with an image of someone committing suicide with a shotgun blast to the head. Understated.

Showing an international flair, this one is supposed to be his initials "M.A.D." in Chinese, but it has been more accurately translated as "healthy, woman, roof" (seriously).

"Look through the eyes of a killer" with a sharpened crucifix. Keep Marquis on speed dial in case you need to ice Dracula.

TUPAC ALIVE AND WELL, AT CELTICS GAME LAST NIGHT

I don't see what the big deal is... I mean Jesus not only rose from the dead, but he could do other cool magic tricks too. Just because a resurrected Tupac shows up at a playoff game, I'm supposed to be impressed? If he walks on water during the halftime show, then holler at me...

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!

...-And by "we", -I mean everyone who can appreciate the beauty of Kobe Bryant NOT being a Champion.Also; closed circuit to the Minnesota Timberwolves; -This is what it would have looked like had you put some players around KG. Good going McHale...
(OH SNAP!!! -REMIXXXXXX!!!)

Also, -don't forget about 'Young Money'-Lil' Weezy getting his Champi -on as well:

KINGS vs. LAKERS 2002 WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS. WHO REMEMBERS THIS GAME?

On a sports level, this was the equivalent of George Bush stealing both elections against Gore and Kerry. I remember watching this shit in utter disbelief. When Kobe smashed Bibby in the face with his forearm and the ref is standing right there looking at it...-No call!?? What? -Are you fucking kidding me? The motherfucker's laying on the ground bleeding and you mean to tell me none of the 3 refs happened to see that? C'mon man... It insults one's inteligence when David Stern has the gall to act like there wasn't any funnybuisiness going on there. You don't have to take the crooked referee's word for it; -just watch the game. It's a no-brainer.