Stop Imagining

Had some time to kill on my MDW to MSP flight so I cracked open the latest issue of Sky Mall and came across these beauties. My shoe game is super tight, but I always thought it was missing a spring-loaded running shoe with a picture of sperm (I mean, the "Slick Seed of Life") on the side. It's like Sky Mall read my mind. I immediately jumped on the Airfone and had a pair waiting for me by the Caribou Coffee when I touched down.

THREE WORDS: SEMEN TANKS .COM

Dude; I can't tell you how many times I've needed to overnight a gallon of my semen somewhere and have had to come up with some kind of fucked up makeshift container to ship it in. Most of the time I just end up rinsing out a few 2-liter bottles of RC cola and work with that; but I gotta say, it always seemed a little bit ghetto. That's like Lauren London rolling up to a fancy hollywood movie premier in a turquoise '95 Chevy Cavalier. My point being, wether you're transporting Lauren London, or a gallon of semen, you need to deliver it in style. Like that saying from the deodorant commercial goes: 'You never get a second chance to make a first impression (with your semen)'. That's where Sementanks.com comes into the picture. Peep these state-of-the-art sperm containers son! -Motherfuckin' MVE liquid nitrogen tanks and vapor shippers kid! You mean they got a container that can freeze my shit and then turn it into a vapor!?? -Oh HAIL naw!! I might even try to get one of those shit's coustomized with an ill pump-dispenser thingy on it, that way, if she just needed a lil' squirt, she wouldn't have to deal with trying to pour that shit into a bowl or something... It's on and poppin shawty!!