A Natural Beauty

Men's Health just named Jennifer Aniston the Hottest Woman of All-Time. Anyone who had "yes" in the "is Men's Health a gay magazine?" pool just won $20. In other news, I just compiled my own list of all-time hot women and "brunette cashier at the Starbucks by my apartment" was 641 spots ahead of Jennifer Aniston.

Nobel Prize Awarded, Worthless

Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning. He was nominated for the award just two weeks into his presidency and has accomplished nothing prize-worthy since. My guess is that Obama is just as embarrassed to receive this as the Nobel committee should be for having awarded it. Maybe it was a lean year for nominees. I heard Obama only had to beat Robert Mugabe, Peyton Manning and George Clooney.

Giving some context for how worthless this prize is, Gandhi never won it, but Henry Kissinger, Al Gore and Yasser Arafat have. The committee justified Obama's award by noting his desire to “strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples.” By this standard, Large Professor should have won the award in 1991. If there was ever a time for Kanye to grab the mic at an award show, this was it.

HOW DO YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SARAH PALIN'S MOUTH AND HER VAGINA?

Only 20% of what comes out of her vagina is retarded.