Intergalactic Headwear

The Great Gazoo visited the White House and interviewed the President. No word as to whether Fred Flintstone was also in the building.

UPDATE: That is actually Sway from MTV. Sorry, I saw the hat and got confused.

PLEASE STOP INSULTING OUR INTELLIGENCE.

Is it just me or is it SUPER patronizing to have a trust-fund baby who's added to his massive fortune by gutting american companies, laying off workers and selling off the parts, sing 'America the Beautiful' in hopes of getting partiotic dumbfucks to vote for him?  This shit just makes my skin crawl. I'm not saying this from the perspective of someone who's still fooled by this charade that it matters which puppet gets installed as our next corporate dictator. They're all frauds and mascots.  I guess all that matters now is which one of these liars is going to be the salesman who tries to sell us a shit sandwich and tells us it's steak.  This system is fucked.

REAL TALKER: KEITH OLBERMANN

Calling this 'real talk' doesn't seem to be enough of a trueism.  This might be the realest talk you'll hear all year. We've got to take this shit seriously, and keep our ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES from fucking us time and time again.  I'm looking at you Obama. I realize you are only a puppet/ mascot with Wall Street's hand up your ass guiding your every move.  It's the unfortunate reality of the presidency, but it is what it is. I'm just really tired of constantly having my intelligence insulted, -being handed all of these double-decker shit-sandwiches, while you try to convince me how delicious they are.

I CAN'T VOTE FOR THIS GUY

I can't do it. Obama sucks. You had your chance(s), -you blew it. Somebody primary this motherfucker

NO THANKS...

Im cool on the Obama rolls, but do you have any more Bernie Sanders rolls? (No homo).

PATRIOTIC-ASS MONDAYS!!

If you think people are hyped now that we've killed Osama Bin Laden, wait until we find Al Qaida's #1 operative Dick Cheney! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Obama: Don't Call It A Comeback

As I type this, CNN is showing a guy in a Jozy Altidore authentic leading USA chants while cheerleaders do flips at the White House. I was sort of hoping that they'd catch Bin Laden alive and then let Derek Jeter and Keith Hernandez take a couple of swings for New York. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to playing Call of Duty with renewed enthusiasm.

ATTENTION PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA AND ANDERSON COOPER...

Mr. President,  Anderson Cooper 360; -my girlfriend is pissed at me for the Rashida Jones post I did a few days ago. She wanted to get back at me, so when you get an extra minute she wants you guys to holler at her. She mentioned something like she wants to marry you Obama, and she wants AC360 to take her out to dinner at a fancy restaraunt (not sure in which order)...  Thanks

-Snickerdoodles

STOP BULLSHITTING

Campaign trail Obama said:

I think what he meant was:

"As soon as I get elected, I'm going to do everything in my power to adopt, co-sign and appease the warped Republican agenda, no matter much it fucks the bottom 90% of the country in it's collective asshole."

BARACKA FLACKA FLAMES.

This was bound to happen sooner or later... I'm actually surprised it's taken this long to become a reality.  Well done on the Obama-esque flow.
On a related/ unrelated note; it'd be really great if the actual Obama would stop being such a mutherfucking creapuff.  Earth to the Democrats:  You suck and you lose because you never fight back or fight for the issues that got you elected in the first place.  Stop cowering to the Republicans like little bitches and grow a pair... -Or, don't; -and get purged from office every election.

FLEETING REAL TALK FROM OBAMA ON THE GROUND ZERO MOSQUE

As a follow-up to Murder Dog's post on the whole 'Ground Zero Mosque' debate, I just wanted to give a small amount of props to Obama for actually saying some real shit, -especially considering he knew that Fox News would have a circle-jerk bukkake session all over this speech.  Nevertheless; well played... -That is, at least until you had to go and pussy-out by throwing in that weak-ass clarification about the 'wisdom' in building the mosque there (see video). But then again, it IS Obama after all...-Naturally it would only be a matter of time before he started backtracking and angling his way back towards "the center" politically.  This is my biggest problem with Obama. The fact that he has rarely, if ever, shown any measure of backbone, since he's been in office, on any significant issue, without trying to placate insane Republican criticisms. Anything short of complete tax exemptions and on-demand blowjobs, for all rich people and big business; the right will inevitably label him a commie or a Marxist or secret Muslim, or whatever the slur du jour is for that particular occasion. -Fuck those people.  Contrary to what Rahm Emanuel is telling you, sometimes (most of the time) doing the right thing is not what the majority of registered voters think.  You're the motherfucking President of the Unites States.  You of all people should know how shitty our schools are, and subsequently how completely stupid the majority of people are. Whether its the popular 'centrist' sentiment or not, people's right to build a mosque on property they own is not debatable.  The main point that's been completely absent from this entire 'debate' is: this isn't about how close to Ground Zero they should, or shouldn't build the Mosque; -or what Fox and Sarah Palin think about it.  -The Krux of the whole issue is that all Muslim people should not be smeared by the actions of a handful of  crazy fundamentalist Saudis with connections to the Bush oil cartel.

My guy Cenk from The Young Turks says it best here:

REAL TALKER Du JOUR: ALAN GRAYSON

Guess Who? I might stop calling this column 'Real Talker Du Jour' and just call it 'Alan Grayson and Friends' (I see you Anthony Wiener (-no homo)).  Watch as our boy shits ALL OVER Whitehouse spokesperson Robert (Bozo) Gibbs. -And deservedly so, -that guy fucking sucks. Although I think to some degree, he's missing the mark pinning this entirely on Gibbs, after all, he's only the spokesperson for the corporatist AKA 'centrist' Obama adminisration...  Hope?...  Change? -Get the fuck outta here with that shit.  Same shit, different mascot. Business as usual.

REAL TALK SIGN

Priorities...

VICTORIA JACKSON IS AN IMBECILE

Even if this bitch was breaking down the Pythagorean Theorem and dropping knowledge about quantum physics, she could still make it sound completely idiotic.  

LADY DEMANDS CHICKEN TETRAZZINI FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA

REAL TALKER OF THE MONTH: ALAN GRAYSON

Well well well... Look who it is grabbing the R.T.O.T.M. award yet again. Our boy A.G. knocking another one out of the park. -Great job! Time to vote out all of the sell-out Democratic incumbant candidates, -Obama too if he doesnt get his shit in order quickfast. -First order of business- Fire Rahm Emanuel and Timmothy Geithner. Next, grow some fucking testes.

FUCK BARACK OBAMA

At risk of sounding exactly like every Republican who has made it their life's mission to shit on Obama ever since he first appeared on the political radar, I'm gonna double down on my statement -"Fuck Barack Obama". Not because he's black, or his middle name is the same as the last name of a guy we waged a costly misguided war against... Not because he's a 'Marxist' 'Maoist' 'Socialist', or because he went to Reverend Wright's church or any of those retarded (I see you Sarah Palin) reasons the right trots out every time they want to get the rest of their species whipped into a frenzy about something... I say fuck Barack Obama because he is the same corporatist mascot for a decaying political system as Bush was. -It's a fact.  I don't know who this guy is that calls himself Barack Obama, but he's certainly not the same guy I voted for a year and a half ago.  The guy I voted for claimed to believe in the providing a public health insurance option and "changing the way Washington does business".  -Gimme a fucking break... At this point I highly doubt that you, (or anyone else for that matter) as president, could,  do a damn thing to 'change' our corporate socialist system of government.. But the least you can do is try. At the very least, don't act like the multi-billion dollar gift you're giving to the health insurance industry is somehow supposed to be some kind of 'reform',  because it's not.  It's yet another massive government assisted transfer of wealth to corporations. If you're not gonna be part of the solution, at least don't lend your (rapidly diminishing) credibility to supporting the problem.

Alan Grayson for president in 2012  

Nancy Pelosi is Your President

For those of you who have stopped following the laughable and labyrinthine healthcare "reform" process, the next step is to reconcile the Senate and House versions of the bill. These bills are very different and the negotiations will likely reveal who a lot about the people who are trying to make this happen.

During his campaign, Obama said that given the significance of this legislation, all Congressional negotiations pertaining to this bill will be televised on C-SPAN. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is not having it, stating that all negotiations take place behind closed doors. Given that most of these people are controlled by lobbyists and that horrible deals will be cut (see, for example, Congress agreeing to pick up Nebraska's Medicaid tab FOREVER in exchange for a vote from Ben Nelson), I can understand why she would want to keep a lid on the proceedings. But what about Obama's promise? From wire sources:

A reporter reminded the San Francisco Democrat that in 2008, then-candidate Obama opined that all such negotiations be open to C-SPAN cameras.

“There are a number of things he was for on the campaign trail,” quipped Pelosi, who has no intention of making the deliberations public.

Pelosi's quote sums up where Obama is in Democratic pecking order. Can someone wake me up when Sandman Sims and Keyboard Cat dance these clowns off?

I have a feeling that this will be my only political-themed post of the year. I'm losing the stomach for this shit. Expect only the finest in rap haikus, questionable racism analysis, and fine girls from DMD in 2010. Fuck politics.

THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

We, didn't elect him. Fuck; the Connecticut Democratic primary voters didn't even elect him. Nevertheless, Joe Lieberman is essentially running the country. Hey Obama, way to bow down to corporate interests and the biggest traitor to the (small 'D') democratic process as personified in Joe Lieberman. It is clear that Obama never wanted the public option in the first place, in spite of all of his campaign bullshit. Hope? Change?? Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Democracy is/ has been dead for years. R.I.P. democracyReal Talker Howard Dean:

Halloween Fashion Corner

Congratulations Digital Gravel, you are selling the Worst Shirt Ever™.