Here it is you fucks... Lightning lunchbreak edition of 'Either / Or'.Your mission is, you gotta decide between either Alanis Morissette or Avril Levine, -Both equally yuck bitches, to have a year long INTENSE emotional and sexual relationship with. If you succeed in this leg of the mission you can do whatever the hell you want after your year is up and will recieve a million dollars (tax free) cash. But keep in mind, whichever one you choose, -they will end up writing an entire horrific album about their relationship with you, that will be played on the radio and MTV, TRL, BET, BET 'after dark' and VH1, CONSTANTLY for like 6 months (also, the hit single will be a reggaeton' joint with Daddy Yankee, remixed by K-Fed). So keep that in mind during the course of your 365-day sentence. If at any point during the 365 days you opt out of the relationship you will be promtly put on a plane and wisked off to Abu Graib prison where you will have all of your finger and toe nails ripped out with pliers, and be sliced with exacto knives on every square inch of your body and forced to roll around in a vat full of Ann Coulter feces and Lindsay Lohan bulemia puke.
Like always; go on the record and state your choices AND reasons for your decision in the comments section below. (Please leave your name or alias at the end if you have not already established yourself as a regular on the blog)
15 comments:
That's too easy - Alanis Morrisette.
Reasons:
1) Avril Lavigne is just a baby. She can't handle a real relationship and wouldn't know what to do with a real man like the Jamboarder behind closed doors. Alanis is far more experienced and went down on Dave Coulier in a crowded theater, so she's obviously got some freak in her... and I'm feelin' that.
2) I'd really love to hear the kind of album Alanis Morissette would make that would end up getting played on BET After Dark. How fucked up would that music be? If I never heard another Avril Lavigne song ever again, it would be too soon.
Z.Z. -You raise some valid points, but did you see that Alanis video -I think it was called 'naked' -or some shit. That bitch has the wierdest creepiest dumpy body ever... Now that's not to say that Avril Levine is a clearcut better option, but I just wanted you to go into this thing with your eyes open, so-to speak...
Whoa, whoa, whoa....
Alanis blew the guy from Full House in public? Maybe I should think deeper about this....
I AM SAYIN.
"I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a theatre"
This song is directed at her former lover, Dave "Uncle Joey" Coulier.
30-something women are where it's at. Know the ledge.
Which one was Joey? Did he play the guitar or do magic or some shit?
I would presume that 30-year old women would be where it's at...-Probably having a job and having somewhat grown out of being complete headcases... But unfortunately I'm never attracted to any of them. -The catch 22 of all catch 22s.
I am gonna have to go with that young broad. Alanis Morsette is not what I want to see any time of the day, especially the morning. I also really hate her music so as much as I might enjoy her company for a year, I would kill myself if I had to hear her songs about me for so long. Actually, I wouldn't want to hear any of her songs during our year together either. At least Averil's brand of Canadipop can be zoned out on easily. I can properly ignore that bitch's music when I want to. Plus, it'd be kind of funny to hear her sing on some serious emotional shit. Isn't her big song about wanting a skateboarder? Yeah, skaterboy. Haha. Get 'em young they say.
-Felix
nah nah nah yalls got it all wrong you gotta look at it from an artistic originality. Avril is just a suzy come latley to the angry bitch game. she small time.
for me its all about the OG. Motherfuckin Atlanis has been cutting herself with razor blades in a closet for years now. and for me thats really real.
Avril is all show no scars.
Hear me?
After you break up with Avril, her fans (from the age group of 14-17)will be all over you, and you can spend that money traveling all over the us to get your dateline on.
On the other hand, Alanis is getting old, and as we all know, the relationship between age and possibility of taking it in the A is of exponential growth. Also, she did play god in Dogma, so while in the act you can listen to reggaeton and yell out "ROMPE ROMPE ROMPE ROMPE ROMPE ROMPE I'M THE GODFUCKER!"
tough choice.
I'm goin for Alanis as well. Because she is more experienced, obviously is into public acts, and Canadian, that would be a new experience.
PLUS, you have to look at the album...if Avril sang about you, everybody would know. But ain't nobody gonna listen to Alanis! She's posted up on some "Hey remember '95 VH1 Shit!" She couldn't get airplay in Vancoover from some lifted-ass AM radio DJ. That's all I'm saying--NSA No Strings Attached son!
to the other anonymous's point of taking it to the a, here is a lyric snippit from avril's song dont tell me:
"It was something like this and made me go ooh ooh
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears""
i think im gonna have to go with the grown and sexy choice of alanis, maybe can get her on that celebrity triner show
Alanis, being that at least once in my life in a desperate early afternoon masturbation session I caught a lil' piece of Morrisette music video and let her slip in (if you nawmean). That being said, we have a bit of a history already. Ah.
I have yet to let Avril into my private fantasies (but the night is young).
HOOWAH!
big up the romanticore™ farhe speak dem troots.
Can you hatefuck anyone for a full year is the real question. And in that hatefucking, is it a cathardic exorcising of minor childhood demons? Being that Alanis clearly represents your best friend's stoner mom, who you always kinda wanted to fuck even though you knew she didn't shave her legs, and Avril is said friend's sister who let you squeeze her boobs, but then frenched your cousin Jelly.
phonejaxx a.k.a. black squirrel alliance gets to the heart of the matter.
Alanis.
Can't stir Jelly's second-hand soup.
avril lavigne - she looks like a hot sex lizard
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