-Snickerdoodles McPoppycock EsquireI believe that right here, right now, we as a people can do something critically important to shape the future of our world. It is not enough for us to just sit idly by and let others decide which marginally attractive entertainers or television personalities are chuds and which are subchuds. We must seize the opportunity, and make these petty, frivolous judgements for ourselves. Who among you has the guts and integrity to man up, stand with me, and take this week's 'Chud or No Chud© ' challenge?
(Click image to enlarge the horror) In many ways, Kelly Osbourne embodies everything that sickens me about humanity. Her rise to fame is emblematic of a generation where you you can be a famous celebrity despite not having done jack dick. Try explaining to a young kid the merits of hard work and perseverance after they've just watched an episode of 'My Super Sweet 16'. Imagine growing up in a world where for some reason we happen to know who Kelly Osbourne even is, solely based on the fact that her now quivering irrelevant mumbling dad was semi-cool like 30 years ago... -Yeah dude, You're the "Prince of Darkness" -I remember you telling me on MTV2 and that Verizon commercial. -Seriously dude, just stoppit already...
Anyways, this brings me to the thesis question of this thing. -Would you bone Kelly Osbourne? Nobody's got to know. -Your possibly a little bit drunk on a thursday night and feelin lonely... Despite her disgusting, gothic, chubby, pasty, Sammy Sosa-esque, face of hers; -about a foot south of that monstrosity, lies some pretty major juggs... It is what it is people, I calls it like I sees it. -That's just what she brings to the table. I present you the facts and I let you sort it out.
A few rules for your evaluation:
The chud-spectrum breaks down into 3 general categories: 1.Hot 2.Chud, and 3.Sub-Chud:
• The Hot category is a no-brainer. Everyone and their dad would hit that. -Think Emanuelle Chirqui...
• In the Chud category, there's a glimmer of something there. You can't quite put your finger on what that is, but most likely you'd put your dick on what that is...-(provided that shit stays on Downlow.) -Think Kelly Clarkson
• Sub-Chud is pretty self explanatory; It's not happening...-EVER. No way, no how. -think Republican congresswoman Michelle Bachman.
In the Comments section below, please leave your stance on where you think Kelly Osbourne falls on the chud-spectrum, and site reasons for your decision. We will be scientifically compiling this data to come up with the official verdict as to weather or not she is indeed a chud or not. Good luck everybody!!
30 comments:
Chud. In the dark your hands do all the seeing.
eeewe... No CHUD! She was thrown about a mile past the line I drew in the sand
Chudski..I site the scooter theory on this one..they are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to see you on one..
OMG! MYLES IS HILARIOUS!!! Snikerdoodles! Thats probably what people feel when they see CHOMPER!!! HAHAHA!
nah...
http://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/kelly-osbourne.jpg
"Pit bull face" hahaha... I'm gonna say sub chud. Now I wouldn't rule out a bj, but only if there was nothing I had to do to get it, like touch her/it.
Im going with SUB CHUD on this one...theres no way im going where every other shitty "alternative" rock n roll act has gone before. Homegirl isnt even worthy enough to catch some fame off. I mean sure her pops is Ozzy but who gives a fuck anymore!? There isnt enough whiskey in the world that would make me want to stick it to this hussy. Its about quality not quantity with this one. SUB CHUD!
sub chud. reasons being is that she looks like she could have some serious vaginal funk at any moment.
plus she looks like she stinks.
Sub-CHUD; that Sammy Sosa comparison was way too on point.
Yeah the smell is definitely the deal breaker.
firstly, in the photo she looks like alice from alice in wonderland, but if alice ate hostess products 3x a day for several years.
I dont think the large tits would really help make the decision. im sure we all see fat chicks with big tits sometimes (or maybe not in california) and it never really makes you stop and say: "wow those are nice."
sub chud.
Chud.. This is the kinda bitch you wanna make cry. I would def fuck the fat outta her. I agree that she looks like shes got some serious pond scum odor seeping from her and that can be the deal breaker. I would insist on a shower before hand.
now i know this isn't a judgement on my account.. buuuuut i do in fact have a friend who apparently thought she was more than. they mustve fucked more than a baker's dozen or so times and totally sure he even held her hand. im not saying i would, im just sayin somebody did. and i think that there gives her solid ground to stand on in the CHUD arena.
Wow the polls seemed to have turned. pause?
Naw, although it might seem, no pause is needed... (I can see how you could easily confuse johnna hill and ms osborn)
hrm. i feel like 1/2way through she would start smelling like fried chicken.
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I once stood 6 inches from her at a rock club in Chicago (she was trying to get in for free and was turned away because the doorman had never heard of her). I can say with 100% certainty that was the closest I would ever want my penis to be to her. In fact, that situation was maybe too close.
Wait, which Kelly are we talking about?
http://news.makemeheal.com/images/kelly-osbourne-plastic-surgery2.jpg
^^^either...no amount of plastic surgery attempting to match the "johnny depp charlie and the chocolate factory" look can save the bitch..its the smell
to the smell guys:
lets say you have a cold/fucked up nose AND have been hitting the nyquil a little harder than usual.
??
her only accomplishment was having been shot out of ozzy's unit.but you already know me none the less.....chud
CHUD, though with the caveat that fat chicks with big tata's are left with wet football socks when they slim down. No doubt, she's had surgery, but i'm a bit of a boobie purist. In spite of her downward facing fun bags, i'd hit that.
kelly osbourne broke the chud meter by forcing it to go too far negative. send back to manufacturer for warrantee
no chud
Yeeeeeeeeaaaaah................CHUD. I saw her on TV two nights ago and despite having a green wig and mashed up grill, she had some pretty thick legs and appeared to have much back. So much, in fact, that I caught myself thinking that I would hit it, given the chance. If nobody knew, I'd break her fucking back. So whatever. If you can't be honest on LOA, where else can a man turn?
fuck yes Chef!! that's what I'm screamin... LOA is about REAL TALK, point blank. I hear what you are all saying with the "SUB-CHUD" votes, but are you voting "SUB-CHUD" cus you mean it for REAL, or cus you think it makes you look better to the rest of us? cus I pretty much don't buy it. I know some of you and i know what you REALLY mean when you say "SUB-CHUD"... or maybe I'm projecting??? who cares.
SUB CHUD, no doubt.
Major chud. Fat girls are rad. And the girl has legs like tree trunks.
is she KELLY OSBOURNE? or is she "chubby girl thirsting for positive attention with a black card" lemme know.
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