LORDS OF APATHY

July 3, 2006

RIDIN' DIRTY; (MORE) TALES OF MINNESOTA SPORTS DEBAUCHERY

If you've been following Minnesota sports for the last couple of years, you know that the twin cities has become a regular haven for sexually deviant athletes;-which I for one, think is fucking awesome! If you thought that 'ghostriding the whip' was the shit, try driving drunk, while watching porn and jacking off -on for size. -That's what's up!!

On March 30, Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin was drunk and masturbating when he crashed his luxury SUV into a parked Suburban outside a store in Minneapolis, according to a lawsuit filed Thursday by the man whose Suburban was hit in the crash.Several of the 911 callers that night said Griffin was drunk. One witness said Griffin told him he was watching pornography in a DVD player mounted on the dashboard of his Cadillac Escalade SUV when he struck a Chevy Suburban parked on University Avenue Southeast.Abed Hassuneh, who is the brother of the victim, said Griffin told him, "That he was masturbating himself going down that street. That's how the accident happened because he was not paying attention. He's paying attention to that video and all of a sudden he's shoveled somebody's car on the top of the sidewalk." Interim Minneapolis Police Chief Tim Dolan ordered an internal affairs investigation of the conduct of the two officers who responded to the scene, after the I-TEAM made Dolan aware of allegations about the incident. Key questions are why Griffin wasn't tested for alcohol and why the officers drove him out of the city to his home in St. Paul. Griffin also received tickets for not having a license and inattentive driving. Griffin's damaged SUV was towed to the Minneapolis impound lot. "Obviously, if somebody is drunk and they are driving we want that dealt with by the police officers of Minneapolis, " Dolan said. The video also shows Griffin admitting he is drunk and doesn't have a driver's license. The video shows him struggling for minutes to put on his sweatshirt and offering to buy a car for the man who's SUV he crashed into in front of Santana Foods. Griffin was not available for comment. When he was interviewed by reporters after the crash happened, he said he had dropped his cell phone as he drove.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

well, naturally! you're gonna drop your cell phone when you're trying to drive AND masturbate. i mean, c'mon, something's gotta give. good thing the cops were understanding about the whole thing. i mean, you definitely don't wanna be known as the guy who just can't hold onto his cell phone... while driving, drinking, watching porn and masturbating. i blame our culture: too much emphasis on multitasking.

Mike Davis said...

man, i'm kinda pissed that this all went down just blocks away from our office, but i'm just finding out about it now. that santana has always been a great place to sit back with a burger or some cheese curds and watch some dinkytown action jacksons do their thing (boo).

about three years ago, me, wezz, and aaron money were sitting outside enjoying some 2AM burgers when all of a sudden the owner of santana comes running outside to find some dude pissing on the side of his building. the owner whacks the pisser in the head, then the pisser starts running across the street. they yelled at each other about pissing for about a minute, but then it died down. pretty rad though.

Snickerdoodles McPoppycock said...

Man, the Fries at Santana foods are LEGENDARY! That seasoning is off the Hizzelhoof.

RasTroy said...

CORRECTION! the seasoning is off the hizzelhoof only in theory.Those dudes cake that shit ona Burger n large fries to go like it was the fuckin thing to do. Making 2am burgers sans hizzelhoof dopeness.

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Didnt monty get thretened with a bat there one time by santana himself?