LORDS OF APATHY

December 5, 2007

Man cut off penis in pizza restaurant

Doctors desperately tried to re-attach a man's weiner after he burst into a crowded London restaurant on Sunday, dropped his trousers, and hacked his own johnson off in front of horrified diners. The man, thought to be Polish, ran into the Zizzi Italian restaurant on The Strand at about 9pm on Sunday night, when it was crowded with people who had been watching the London Marathon earlier in the day. Sales rep Stuart McMahon, who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend, told the Sun: 'This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about. 'Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his dork out. 'Then he cut his wanger off. I couldn't believe it.' Restaurant staff called the police, who had to subdue the man with CS gas, before taking him to hospital. They also picked up the severed cock, put it on ice, and gave it to doctors. A spokesman for St Thomas's Hospital, where the man was taken, confirmed that doctors had attempted to re-attach the mans dick – but would not say if the procedure had been successful. It is thought to be the first time in Britain that a hog has been sewn back on, Police are still trying to identify the man, who was not carrying any form of identification on him. A source told The Sun: 'We believe he's Polish and 35. We don't know if he has a history of mental illness, but he's clearly not a well boy.'

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

"The man, thought to be Polish", says it all.

Anonymous said...

i've been thinking about hacking off my willy as well, this post makes it sound pretty glamorous!

the captain said...

perhaps he was trying to circumcise himself, seeing as its only really popular with americans and jews.

Snickerdoodles McPoppycock said...

American and Jewish dicks are more aerodymamic. U-S-A! -U-S-A!!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah..Polish...hahaha
He just sent his people back 100 years for that blunder.
DOH!

Anonymous said...

Circumcision is popular amonst all the developed countries. The 3rd world likes to be "ant eaters".
The rest of us are proud of our "german helmets"

Anonymous said...

what the duce?

the captain said...

to me circumcising is like suddenly deciding i might need to whip my eyelids off? as i wouldn't want to get dirt under them...

like my man chuck said...
it takes a nation of foreskins to hold us back.

Snoop Bloogy Blog said...

hey The Captain... you got me to thinking, and im actually thinking i want my foreskin back now, 20 years later. i might fly to france where i hear they can to an eyelid to dick transplant resulting in an un-circumcision, risky... yes. but i think its worth it.

Anonymous said...

Yeah our dicks are more aerodynamic...we slides right in.....especially when our troops are invading forgein lands

C-Rocka said...

In a fuckin' restaurant? Ballzy but not...this is just way to weird.

the captain said...

@snoop,
i like cut of your jib sir, you might have what it takes to pull this off.

Snoop Bloogy Blog said...

hells yes i got what it takes. wait till the women see this big assed honkin' dong with eye lids sewn on the tip of it! its gonna be able to fuckin' wink at bitches!