February 8, 2009
Most people look at Chris Brown and get a toothache. Rihanna looks at him and flinches. Congratulations Chris, as you are now mentioned in the same breath as Ike Turner, Dave Justice and Jason Kidd. Rihanna had to cancel her appearance at tonight's Grammy Awards. I guess opening your set with "What's up Grammys? I got this black eye from Chris Brown" would have set the wrong tone. I hope Young Kid Dynamite isn't expecting any more Wrigley checks. Maybe he can get an endorsement deal with Everlast.
This was originally going to be a post about the irrelevancy of the Grammys and the general decline of the music industry until I heard about Chris "Bobby" Brown. Stevie Wonder performing with the Jonas Brothers? A Blink 182 reunion announcement? Katy Perry being nominated for and then lip-synching a novelty song? Are you fucking kidding me? Robert Plant winning album of the year? Was Eddie Money unavailable? When I saw the commercial for a "special episode" of CSI: Miami featuring Puffy Combs, I decided that this night was an elaborate prank and that the real awards show will take place some other time.