DISGRACED BLOGGER 'KID LOVER' MUSES ABOUT WEARING CONDOMS

BREAKUP ADVICE WITH KID LOVER

Ever-Shakespearian in his discourse, LOA's shamed blogger 'Kid Lover' stumbled into another dagger soundbite the other day. I had the sneaking suspicion that he was pulling a George Michael on us by trying to appeal to our heterosexual sensibilities, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one...

DUDE SITS LIKE A LADY: KID LOVER GETTING IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE

No stranger to absurd, inaccurate statements, shamed LOA blogger 'Kid Lover', regularly has delusions of grandeur. When challenged on his dainty effeminate sitting style, he actually used the occasion to compare himself to JFK. What a fucking fool...

LOA's KID LOVER UNFAZED BY THE IDEA OF BEING BURIED ALIVE IN AVALANCHE

In a heroic display of bravado, LOA's Kid Lover claimed that the fear of being buried alive in an avalanche, is "for pussies". Having spent extensive periods of time in and around snow, scraping it off his car (while attending art school in Chicago), this Texas native is no stranger to braving the elements. "Snow is light and fluffy" claimed the Lover, "If I was trapped in an avalanche, I'd just brush it off my face and maybe take a nap until somebody dug me out". To drive his point home, he claimed that he's about as scared of being buried in an avalanche as he is being submerged in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. Looks like this disgraced blogger is starting to get his swagger back. Stay tuned for further updates!

KID LOVER SUSPENDED FROM LOA!

I'm posting this as if anyone even knew who 'Kid Lover' was; or that he theoretically was a contributor to LOA. For those of you not in the know, 'Kid Lover' is the dead weight that's been lifelessly dragging behind the blog like a human sandbag for the last 6-odd months; amassing a grand total of one uninspired, mediocre, very forgettable post. As of right now, I am hereby putting you on notice, either come through with something to validate your cyber-existence by noon Monday, or be forever banished from Lords of Apathy. Also, your post should include some kind of formal apology to our readers for your heinous dereliction of duty these past months. Seriously dude, get your shit together...

-Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esq.