February 18, 2009


I discussed this story with some colleagues of mine and we concluded that it is definitely a bad idea to try to domesticate a chimpanzee. Those things have superhuman ninja strength. However, what would be far worse than that, would be trying to domesticate a retarded chimpanzee that's strung out on PCP. I'm totally serious about that. That motherfucker could probably bench press like a million pounds.

In honor of Dre Day (February 18th) I thought that this lyric from "The Watcher" (Chronic 2001) was especially timely/ apropos/ prophetic:
(They) keep us trapped in the same place we're raised in.
Then they wonder why we act so outrageous,
Run around stressed out and pull out gauges.
Cause everytime you let the animal out cages,
It's dangerous to people who look like strangers.


Phonejaxx A.K.A. Black Squirrel Alliance said...

This is Unfortunately Hilarious.

Detroit Murder Dog said...

My favorite part of the story is Morgan Fairchild feeling compelled to issue a statement that the chimp was never this aggressive when they were together on the set of an Old Navy ad.

I'm not sure how much more Z-list you can get than coming out of the mothballs to reminisce on a killer monkey you worked with on a commercial for a discount retailer. I wonder if Connie Selleca has a comment on this tragedy.

Emmanuel said...

Jesus Christ. This is crazy. I was going to make a funny comment, but I'm afraid another domesticated chimp will read it on the internet and make me watch him eat the pieces of my face he rips off.

I saw this shit on a weird Animal Planet show, because that's how I do on Saturday afternoon:


Emmanuel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Do you think Dre predicted this shit?

Anonymous said...

The phone call was very bizarre. It sounded like someone was having a very bad trip but then you can hear the chimp screaming in the background.

Snickerdoodles McPoppycock said...

I KNOW Dre predicted this. DUDE! -Didn't you read those lyrics??? I mean c'mon; he all but said that a chimp was gonna rip somebody's face off!

hacksaw jim chuggins said...

every shot my friends and i have taken at the bar in the past week has been, "for travis."