LORDS OF APATHY

March 27, 2009

"BITCH, DON'T MAKE ME GO UPSIDE YOUR HEAD WITH THIS DAMP SHAMWOW©..."

ShamWow pitchman Vince Shlomi's pimp hand is mad strong. It must be from wiping up all kinds of messy spills all the time with his remarkable ShamWow product. (It's like a chamois, it's like a towel, it's like a sponge. -You'll say "WOW" every time). Apparently, he was arrested on felony battery charges in Miami last month following a violent encounter with a hooker. Shlomi told cops he paid [Sasha] Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit...notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face.... After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the [hotel] lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. Harris is reportedly considering a lawsuit against Shlomi, though prosecutors "declined to file formal charges" against him.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

it would have been cool if he wiped up all the blood at the scene of the crime with the shamwow before he bounced.

Anonymous said...

He's gotta be the son of Moe from the Simpsons, right?

C-Rocka said...

Damn...bitch knew what she was doing.