August 19, 2009
Every time I’m in the checkout aisle at the grocery store I see all these magazines talking about some couple named Jon and Kate. The chick’s white and real basic looking—not fine or nothing. And the dude is half-Chinese-half-white and looks like the dude from that group Fine Young Cannibals. And the cover story is always something like, “Jon is messing around with some other chick and Kate’s finally leaving him.” I asked one of the cashiers who in the fuck these people are and she’s like, “Oh, they have eight kids and they have this reality show called ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8.’” I guess all you have to do to be famous these days is have a shit-ton of kids. Look at that Octomom lady, or whatever. My sister’s like, “That Octomom lady’s crazy—she thinks she’s Angelina Jolie.” I said so fucking what? Every damn body I know’s crazy—that doesn’t mean I want to sit around talking about them all day. Fuck dude, they might as well give my trashy-ass aunt a reality show. She has eight or nine kids all by different dudes and doesn’t do shit besides sit around and smoke cigarettes, drink Captain Cokes, and eat McDonalds dollar-menu shit. I guarantee some dumb fuckers would watch her if she had a show, too. I guess this Jon dude is always creeping around with different chicks all the time, too. I bet you could pull mad chicks if you had a TV show—even if the show was weak as hell. That dude probably pulls chicks just for looking like that dude from Fine Young Cannibals, too, or whatever.