LORDS OF APATHY

April 21, 2009

CHUD OR NO CHUD?: LISA LOEB EDITION

A great man once said: "The true essence of' Chud or No Chud' lies in it's power to make us all dredge the depths of our sexual depravity. It makes us publicly confront the parameters of who we'd bone, in spite of subjecting yourself to the scorn and ridicule of your peers."
-Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esquire
I believe that right here, right now, we as a people can do something critically important to shape the future of our world. It is not enough for us to just sit idly by and let others decide which marginally attractive entertainers or television personalites are chuds and which are subchuds. We must seize the opportunity, and make these petty, frivolous judgements for ourselves. Who among you has the guts and integrity to man up, stand with me, and take this week's 'Chud or No Chud© ' challenge?If you lived through the 90's, then you are probably already familiar with Lisa Loeb's hit single 'stay'; -a horrific 3-minute musical abortion so heinous that, legend has it, will give you premanent erectile dysfunction if you listen to more than twice in a 10-minute period. For many, that song alone is enough of a dealbreaker to skew the competition, but let's hear what you guys think.
A few rules for your evaluation:
The chud-spectrum breaks down into 3 general categories: 1.Hot 2.Chud, and 3.Sub-Chud
• The Hot category is a no-brainer. Everyone and their dad would hit that. -Think Freida Pinto from the movie 'Slum Dog Millionaire'
• In the Chud category, there's a glimmer of something there. You can't quite put your finger on what that is, but most likely you'd put your dick on what that is...-(provided that shit stays on Downlow.) -Think current day Drew Barrymore.
• Sub-Chud is pretty self explanatory; It's not happening...-EVER. No way, no how. -think Jocelyne Wildenstein.

In the Comments section below, please leave your stance on where you think Lisa Loeb falls on the chud-spectrum, and site reasons for your decision. We will be scientifically compiling this data to come up with the official verdict as to weather or not she is indeed a chud or not. Good luck everybody!!

22 comments:

boozin sarandon said...

i started to write that i would probably smash her if the opportunity arose, but only because im a sucker for a girl in glasses..her ED inducing song aside, that mouth looks like it could take me on a flight to boston (i.e boss head)...then i did a little research on google images and discovered a flat ass and an unappealing set of titties...first glance, CHUD. upon further reevaluation, SUBCHUD..

sean said...

Check her out here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-IBMDeoT5E
Loeb in a thong is okay I guess. She's got a decent body, but really, I'd have to skip this one.

alltime said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-IBMDeoT5E

While her song gave me the shriveled dick of a 75 year old man, this video slightly redeemed her and moved her into CHUD territory. Id smash.

el.strange said...

it's unfair to put a picture of freida pinto on there when I have to think about Lisa Loeb. Damnit. Sub Chud, I'm going to find more Freida Pinto pictures.

Anonymous said...

id hit it

boozin sarandon said...

that video clip alluded to by sean and alltime is exactly what led me to the SUBCHUD verdict..flat ass, invisible eyebrows, pasty legs..no thank you

Manny said...

Sub CHUD. Because she'd probably want to talk the whole time, about stuff I don't care about. Her voice sounds like she's narrating a children's cartoon.

Detroit Murder Dog said...

Her glasses are kinda cute and she's holding up OK for 41, so I was prepared to go CHUD. In a surprise move, my wife vehemently demanded a Sub-CHUD vote on account of her being "icky" / "desperate." Sub-CHUD it is.

Horsey said...

as long as she kept her mouth shut id poke it! wait, what was the question, erm, yeah CHUD!!

platinumseagulls said...

CHUD, I'd wreck it.

Snickerdoodles McPoppycock said...

You know what?; -I'm about to shock the world with this... Real Talk -I'm gonna go chud on this one. For the last 10 or 15 years that song has literally ruined my day every time I've heard it. Because of that, I would have never dreamed that I would even consider boning Lisa Loeb, -not in a million years! But when faced with this round of 'Chud or No Chud©', I can't front; I'd hit her off with some Hennesey dick. In some bizarre way, the fact that I hate that song so much kinda makes me want to bone her more... -I don't understand it either. It's just one of those unexplainable psychological non sequiturs. Something about her- The glasses, the annoying singing... I'd be all up in that.
Definite Chud.

Chef Rykwon said...

I was gonna put this story in the comments of the last post featuring Ms. Loeb but never got around to it...this one seems more appropriate.

I lived behind a big club here in Houston called Fitzgerald's. When I say behind I mean I literally shared a back door to the club and paid my rent to the owner of said club. Anyhow..the advantage of this was that I got into all of the shows for free and could drink there for next to nothing. If I had nothing better to do, I would find myself there talking to the sound guys (who were my roommates)and trying to ignore most of the crap bands that were playing. Lisa Loeb and her bunch were one of those crap bands.

I was pretty friendly with every employee of this place so I could walk around wherever without much hassle and on the night of the Lisa Loeb show, I found myself backstage drinking beers with the one of the sound guys as I frequently did.

So....a couple of waitresses who worked at the same restaurant as I did saw me go backstage and later, in the vicinity of Ms. Loeb. They mentioned this to me the next day and asked what was up with that. The guy who worked next to me tells them that I was "partying" with Lisa Loeb and that I had, in fact, fucked Lisa Loeb. Never one to turn away a joke, I kept my mouth shut and neither confirmed or denied any Loeb fucking.
Naturally, it got around the restaurant and then another restaurant and so on.
So to make this long story short...there was a hot rumor going around the Houston restaurant employee community that I banged Lisa Loeb and I caught fame off that for about a year.

I never did fuck her, but I prolly would.
CHUD.

Detroit Murder Dog said...

After reading Chef's post, I have to revisit my vote. LL is CHUD all the way, if for no other reason that you could tell people that you banged her. She is definitely a D-list celebrity, but everyone knows who she is. You tell this story and you are going to get at least some laughs, if not outright props and free beers. It's kind of like boning Punky Brewster or the girl who sang 99 Luftballons.

wwwater said...

y'all are almost all crazy she is def chud if not almost hot. no doubt that song sucks, but that doesn't negate any perverse thrill she embodies.

G Code said...

I would hit it in a second, gimme a break, bitch is hot.

Anonymous said...

i gotta go with "chud" on this one. for forty-something, girl looks about the same as she did when she was thirty-something. (no homo.)

as for the tushie, i mean she's got classic white girl pancake ass. but that's far better than asian chick paper plate butt.

plus, since you hate that song, you know you wanna hate-smash Leob.

Manny said...

I'm re-visiting my vote. I didn't consider the hate-fuck. The hate fuck might be the best possible way to smash.

Hate-fuck-CHUD for 09.

JET BLACK said...

NO SHAME IN MY GAME PLABOY...I'D TEAR THAT ASS UP!

REVOK said...

DEFINITE CHUD... NOT ONE ID OPENLY ADMIT TO... BUT A CHUD NONETHELESS.

RasTroy said...

Chud. Easily. Sure the song is ultrawak™ but shes more fly than not fly. Shes no Pinto but no shame in my game son.

barry riffs said...

sean took the clip right out of my mouth... Loeb in a thong clip is not bad.

yes, "Stay" sucks, but she used to date Dweezil Zappa which is pretty cool... and she single-handedly started the "Librarian Hot" style, which made men everywhere start to look at quiet/nerdy girls in a different light. it also makes you ponder the phrases "still waters run deep" and "watch out for the quiet ones", and ponder even further if said "librarian hot" chick is actually a TOTAL freak.

an indie/geek acquaintance of mine recently told me his self-confirmed theory that chicks who are avid readers are serious sexual freaks, b/c all that romanticized reading and living inside of their head gets their brain going in freaky directions.

long story short... CHUD

almightysultan said...

CHUD hands down.

She looks like she's aged well and I'd openly admit to fucking her. I'd even record it

Overall, If you hate "stay" as much as i do then you should enjoy fucking the living shit out of her.

Also, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't bone Sporty Spice so I guess we all have different definitions for what makes a CHUD.