LORDS OF APATHY

May 31, 2009

Cameron Diaz is the Opposite of Cute

I'm not sure what I'm more embarrassed to admit: that I spent the night on the couch eating banana pudding, or that I watched the MTV Movie Awards while doing it? Someone in MTV's legal department must have given the green light to use the words "dick," "balls" and "jizz" because seemingly every skit and MTV promo used them (edgy!). The Borat guy put his nuts in Eminem's face, Zac Efron tried to act like he wasn't gay and some other boring shit happened. I was about to put my spoon away and doze off, but when Cameron Diaz handed out an award, I momentarily thought I was looking death in the face. She is allegedly 36, but if you told me she was 56 I would believe you. The Manuel Noriega skin tone is the least of her problems. Can we please stop with the hoax that she is good looking?

8 comments:

Snickerdoodles McPoppycock said...

She's a gross-ass subchud. Yuck... Cameron Diaz, I see a Proactiv© commercial in your future...

Scott said...

She was hot in The Mask. And by that I do not mean MASK which I will get confused with when I look through the guide thing on cable and you'll say "SWEET THE MASK!!" then you turn the channel and its the one with Cher and that dude with the fucked up face.

Manny said...

I have mixed Diaz reactions. Sometimes it CHUD, sometimes definitely sub-chud. That picture is mega-sub-chud. Like a chud submarine.

boozin sarandon said...

SEE: the mask

Snickerdoodles McPoppycock said...

SEE: the picture on this post

C-Rocka said...

She has aged terribly!

Ooouch.

boozin sarandon said...

her cheeks look like two spread apart balls

disco boy said...

she's got a real tard look about her... can't quickly identify it. something about the squint, kind of a juliette lewis thing there.

anyhoo, gross. and the body, while lean, is only boner material if you jerk it to photos of 12 year old boys. which i don't do anymore.