May 31, 2009
I'm not sure what I'm more embarrassed to admit: that I spent the night on the couch eating banana pudding, or that I watched the MTV Movie Awards while doing it? Someone in MTV's legal department must have given the green light to use the words "dick," "balls" and "jizz" because seemingly every skit and MTV promo used them (edgy!). The Borat guy put his nuts in Eminem's face, Zac Efron tried to act like he wasn't gay and some other boring shit happened. I was about to put my spoon away and doze off, but when Cameron Diaz handed out an award, I momentarily thought I was looking death in the face. She is allegedly 36, but if you told me she was 56 I would believe you. The Manuel Noriega skin tone is the least of her problems. Can we please stop with the hoax that she is good looking?