July 29, 2009
I have this buddy who was saying that there are descendents of Jesus Christ just walking around the streets right now. Like, you could be sitting on the bus and the person next to you could be Jesus’ great, great, great grandchild. Buillshit, I said. Everyone knows Jesus was a virgin. Him and his mom were both virgins, I said. I’m pretty sure they even talk about that in the bible. I guarantee there’s nothing in the bible saying that dude was out here getting chicks prego. But my buddy was talking about this book called, “The DaVinci Code” that says Jesus had kids. So I got a copy of “The DaVinci Code,” but the shit is super long, so I found this dude at work who said he saw the movie and just had him tell me about it. I guess the main people in the story are following this trail of clues so they can solve this murder and all these religious, secret society dudes are trying to kill them. Then at the end they figure out that this chick is the descendant of Jesus, but she never knew it. I guess that painter DaVinci hid a picture of the chick Jesus was hooking up with in his painting “The Last Supper,” but everybody thought the chick was a dude for a super long time. I guess that DaVinci dude was pretty messed up, though. I heard he drank a shit-ton of absinthe and cut off his ear and sent it to this lady he wanted to hook up with. They sell that absinthe again now, but I don’t think it gets you messed up and makes you hallucinate real bad like that shit they had five hundred years ago. Plus, if that shit really got you that messed up then all the rappers would be talking about it all the time like they talk about that promethazine or lean, or whatever.