A Formal Apology (to DICKHEAD POSSE)

DICKHEAD POSSE said..."Guess what!!
Kid Lover is now gonna be on the unfortunate end of a BEEF!!!
We can tell, by his shitty cords and pale socks that he is a complete stranger to any and all confrontations, so we have decided (being bullies) that we are gonna start an LA jihad on his ass. HE officially has BEEF with US. Get ready to get FUCKED UP ON SIGHT. BITCH ASS MARK. We are gonna beat you like a fucking Pinata just for looking at us the way you are in that picture. Thank Snickerdoodles for your straight up hard core steady ratpacking.
Welcome to death, Pop-Tart, and FYI there's no way to unfuck yourself outta this situation. faggot. Nice haircut shitface."

Dear DICKHEAD POSSE, I feel like we started off on the wrong foot. Just a little background for you. I have two very close BLACK friends, (Like really black, one has a dad that played basketball, the other one has a dad that's like REALLY from Africa). I studied martial arts (Karate) at a very early age and retired shortly thereafter with a yellow belt (red stripe). I've seen Menace II Society at least 100 times. I even saw that piece of shit, Baby Boy. I may not be from the hood, but i think i get the jist of it. I've definitely bought drugs in the hood. I smoked crack once.

Now, DICKHEAD POSSE, I wanted to touch on a couple of things you mentioned in your comment. First and foremost, i tip my hat to you, you are a warrior poet. I appreciate the fashion advice, the "shitty cords" however were actually faded black denim jeans (distressed, if you will) (I mean c'mon seriously, who wears corduroy in October?? It's not even winter yet, Hellooooo!!!). And much thanks for the "pale socks" mention (they were technically white, but regardless), you will be quite happy to learn that i immediately threw them out, and henceforth, shall only wear black (or dark) socks (what about Argyle? Forget it, I just realized how "faggy" that must sound). Hopefully, these minor adjustments, will help me to become involved in more confrontations. Ideally, i'd like to become a confrontation magnet. Kudos on the BITCH ASS MARK comment! Seriously, i would be so stoked if i could slip that into my everyday vernacular. Like if i could just be like, "I know the Maitre D' here, he's usually pretty cool, but that Sommelier's a BITCH ASS MARK!!"

I noticed you were also none too plussed about my gaze in the photograph, DICKHEAD POSSE. A thousand apologies. I've been told that i suffer from a condition known as Rape Face. It's an expression commonly found on the faces of rapists (or rapers) before they rape somebody. Sadly, i have genetics to thank for this one, but i swear to you, it was not intended as an act of war towards your person, DICKHEAD POSSE.

Snickerdoodles, if i haven't already, Thank you for my straight up hard core steady ratpacking. (Sincerely)

Maybe i'm just a "glass is half full" kinda guy, but i think i can "unfuck" my way outta any situation, Silly Goose!

And that was so weird when you mentioned Pop Tarts, because I still eat Pop Tarts!!! Can you believe it?!? You don't have to say it, i already know what you're going to say, DICKHEAD POSSE!!! You're gonna be all like, "OMG Kid Lover, You're like 31 years old and still eating Pop Tarts!!! How embarrassing, you should be so embarassed!!! That's what little kids eat!!!" Guilty as charged. But what can I say, I love Pop Tarts.

Lastly, I will start researching new hair styles and trends.

There you have it, DICKHEAD POSSE, I feel like the LA jihad on my ass can confidently be removed. I appreciate your constructive criticisms. And moving forward, I will do my best to be on the fortunate end of a BEEF!!! Oh, and I'm sooo not gay! LOL!!!