September 24, 2011


Dear Daniel,
Thank you for applying! We appreciate your interest in joining the team here at Applebees.  I had a chance to go over your application and unfortunately, we don't think that you'd be a good fit for re-stocking the salad bar. Just so everyone's clear; I'm not discriminating on you for having a great white shark-face face tattoo. When you came in for the first interview with just the upside-down crucifix next to your eye -I thought "That's kinda quirky, but no problem -I can appreciate you thinking outside of the box".  Before you came in for the 2nd interview, I had a chance to go over your previous work history, everything seemed to check out. Up until that point, I hadn't noticed your  tie-dyed winged skull throat-piece on account of that turtleneck sweater you were wearing at the time, but ok... -I don't love it... but different strokes for different folks. -You're expressing yourself and I've got no problem with that... 
But I gotta tell you, the recent addition of the great white shark lunging out of your face is a bit too much.  I mean, I could live with the shark by itself, but in concert with the upside-down crucifix AND the winged skull thing... It's not really expressing to me that you are a stickler for good composition nor attention to detail. -And I gotta be honest here; I have no idea what you could be capable of... I dont know if you're gonna squat over the salad bar and take a massive shit on the iceberg lettuce, or if you're gonna slice Pam from H.R.'s tits off with a rusty boxcutter. 
Anyways, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and thank you for your time and consideration.
Best wishes,

-Snickerdoodles McPoppycock, Regional Manager, Applebee's Corporation

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