LORDS OF APATHY

October 13, 2011

BOOK BY ITS COVER VOL.3

You guys know what time it is: it's Volume 3 of 'Book By Its Cover'. Once again, LOA's very own disgraced blogger 'Kid Lover', is back with another stunning ensemble that is sure to capture the imaginations of an entire generation of people wasting their lives on the internet.

The rules of  'Book By Its Cover' are pretty straightforward; basically you have to look at the person pictured and guess what they're about. Solely based on their appearance, what kind of shit are they into?: -music, political views, strange habits, sexual practices etc. Be creative and thorough. The more specific and far-reaching the info you give, the better.  Leave your replies in the 'comments' section below.  If you're still stuck on how this thing works, check out the comments from Book By Its cover Vol. 1 and Vol. 2. -They're pretty epic.
Above is the ensemble Kid Lover decided to wear to the watch football with us at the bar on Monday night. I don't want to mislead anyone here, when I say "watch football" I don't remember seeing him so much as glance at the TV for more that a few seconds the entire night. I don't think he knows or cares about anything that has to do with any kind of athletic competition. I saw him try to throw a football once and it was heartbreaking. Imagine a stuck-up rich girl trying to throw a live grenade that's covered in honey.
I think he was hoping that there was a dance floor there so he could show us his new Melbourne hardstyle shuffle he's been working on.


19 comments:

big al's adult superstore said...

this kid used to drop his popsicles. this kid covered himself in cheetos but the birds never came and he just layed there and shit. this kid used to read books on a hill by himself.

Zazzz said...

Mom left dad in 86

Dad took up the jazz flute
Mom took up wine

Lived with Mom

First girlfriend cheated on him

Second girlfriend, he is still in love with her.

Terrible at scrabble, plays online and cheats using word generators - still loses.

Dates women with small asses exclusively.

Really great wardrobe.

Used to be able to kickflip a 4 set. Last time on a board he slammed on a half cab.

Favorite author? He would tell you Umberto Eco, but he hasn't finished any of the books. Has reread Steven King's The Stand a bunch of times.

Buzzcut with bearclaws

Bored at the rock shows he goes to, fits right in

Gets reaaaaally drunk every 2 months and always wakes up the next day with 3+ unexplained bruises, puke on his shoe, and cheerios spilled all over the floor

Really solid friend, but hates 98% of the people who call him an acquaintance.

Often has bad breath

Smokes bidis and weed

The Doors 'break on through' poster up on his wall.

Collects novelty 7/11 slurpee cups

Plays a lot of World of Warcraft, none of his irl friends know this.

Anonymous said...

inspector gadget's arch enemy

The Try said...

Home Schooled

Didn't move out until he was 21

Took a 2 Year course at the local community college, doesn't matter what.

Uses an Iphone, but has a PC laptop
(because they're better)

Brags about never breaking a bone in his body

Has never done anything physical enough to break a bone

Works at Urban Outfitter's for the discount on clothes

When he texts he still uses "LOL" even though he doesn't .

Orders Guinness when at the bar, even though he hates it.

Claims to like "dark beers"

Just recently found out Jason Lee used to skate.

Also just found out that Rob Dyrdek used to skate.

His "type" of girls that he's into are the ones drunk enough to accidentally talk to him.

Has a Crimson Ghost tattoo

Favorite movies are Scarface and Goodfellla's

Claims/Brags about being a vegetarian but still eats fish and chicken.

Has heard of Mobb Deep, "but never really listened to them ".

Orders coffee with soy for aesthetics.

Broken plans with friends before, to play the new Call Of Duty by himself

Anonymous said...

His favorite artist is the lead singer of Jamiroquai. His girlfriend is really pretty but stupid and skinny as fuck. He ocassionally calls his mother a cunt when he is upset. he shops at whole foods only when he knows it will busy, like late saturday mornings. What a D-Bag.

Anonymous said...

has half a beer in the fridge

Anonymous said...

Dexter's next kill.

Detroit Murder Dog said...

Not sure if he's dressed to occupy Wall Street or the Man Hole. I'm assuming you woke him up to hit the bar. No other explanation for the slippers.

Anonymous said...

- probably dabbled with dudes in college. blamed alcohol and drugs and rationalizes it as "experimental". is currently bi-curious, but wont accept the label

- drinks coke zero

- most definitely has a tramp stamp. a fleur di lis, or a or a ying yang

- spends saturday mornings in bed watching cooking shows, but can't boil water

- hits the bottle, but only on important religious holidays days like christmas or easter to bum out grandma

- buys "luxury" crip slips because he watched Menace II Society once, but wants to keep it classy with suede

- thinks he can say "nigga" cause he's got 1 black friend, possibly maybe 2 (never says it in front of them)

- enjoys being emasculated by women

- 6 disc DVD player currently houses Saturday Night Fever, Cruising, Pi, Wild Hogs, Unbearable Lightness of Being, and Hackers

Anonymous said...

this homo totally applies wrinkle cream at night before bed.

Anonymous said...

keeps the clothes his 2nd girlfriend left at his house by accident, like her skinny pants, and wears them sometimes. Tries to have a mustache but his shaving routine is not regular enough. Now he looks scrubby and like he just got out of bed with out taking a shower. Wears slipper to exemplify the laid back, I'm not even going to try attitude towards life. Always tries to keep it real by wearing a black beanie from 7-11. Is really thinking about how he is going to change into a wonderful butterfly one day and everybody will magically think he is beautiful, but really he's going to be that guy who sells workout tapes on banner adds on penis enlarging websites, not richard simmoms, but B list richard simmoms type guy. Unless he gets arrested occupying the sidewalk and ruins his tele/web career for life.

Anonymous said...

He gets his secretly upset when his friends make fun of him.
Has a superiority complex with everyone.
Has man crushes on the same like minded tight pant wearing fan boys.
Eats the same thing for breakfast everyday.
Is a huge push over with women.
Has abandontment issues.
Dresses a certain way to get compliments from girls.
Has a tattoo of an owl with a top hat.

Anonymous said...

Has a subscription to men's AND women's health magazine.
Just a small town boy livin' in a lonely world.
does 7-10 pushups every night.
wears the same turtleneck on christmas and new years.
runs like a girl.

Anonymous said...

This dude looks like he's trying to put a hipster twist to a gangsta look.he's probally seen to many episodes of national geographics inside pelican bay!!!or has boyz n the hood on his iPhone for on the go.and those fucken slippers!!!why not just get the OG ones at cvs for $12.99!those look like some fag at the gaps fashion department thought to go gansta for their the fall fashion line!and he probally bumps NWA down in laguna beach but listens to creed when he's in the hood!

Anonymous said...

jacket is a whiteboy version of a traditional tai chi shirt.

http://image.made-in-china.com/2f0j00tCzQyaGcvZog/Black-Cotton-Kung-Fu-Martial-Arts-Tai-Chi-Jacket-Shirt.jpg

his shoes are a mix of house slippers and dojo shoes:

http://budomart.biz/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/a/d/adish1.jpg

his shitty thin mustache is obviously an attempt at the david lo-pan (big trouble in little china) that is in the early stages of development. this is basically what happens when living a sheltered life causes you to have an identity crisis and you decide that instead of trying to be black (like all your friends did when they had a similar crisis) you're going to be asian. everything would be a lot more noticeable and embarrassing to the average person but you're a clever one and decided to keep shopping at h&m and still somewhat blend in. bravo. as a white man myself i have to say that only part of me is ashamed. you've done well for yourself.

ted day jr. said...

-obliges when mother asks to buy clothes for him yet refuses to go to the store with her. insists on her giving him the "visa...but the red one!"
-itunes song count is around 7854 but has not listened to any song above 9 times. besides the shins "new slang" but that was like "6 years ago dude.."
-would much rather cuddle all night with a 6 he just met than go out drinking with the boys
-when watching football he asks if "that yellow line is always there"
-talks shit on any dude who has a cooler stee than he has. calls them "hypebeast fags"
-subscribed to 64 tumblrs but is "kinda over it..its like too much dude"
-doesnt wear levis or dickies
-read two books by bukowski and convinces himself hes a recluse womanizer with a "drinking problem"

Measure.Facts.Kautiously said...

-Always dreamed of being first chair Trumpet in his high school band but never got the chance, he's carried that grudge around for almost a decade.

-Art school dropout who has always enjoyed Monochromatic colorschemes.

-Makes fun of people who play videogames, yet plays COD on a nightly basis.

-Begins his night drinking Founders IPA then slowly works his way down the ladder, finishing the night with PBR.

-Avid backpage.com user on his Droid because iPhones are so 2010, seeking that perfect Tranny ad to end his night with.

-Knits scarfs and sells them at the weekly Farmers Market in his neighborhood.

-His facial hair tells it all... He loves V for Vendetta.

-Once saw a gangbanger in the hood wearing house slippers, and decided to bring it back... Isotoners of course

-Would never admit to it, but bought those Jeans in the womens department at The Gap

Anonymous said...

-Transforms in to Rick James after a few cocktails.

-He stole a Magnum Sharpie from Art Class.
-Now considers himself a writer.
-He only hits dumpsters behind his apartment at 3AM drunk off of Boones Farm Wine.

-Tags under the name "Spy" and sometimes "1sec"
because they're original

-Reps "fake crews" with his only friend like "FTC" and "NWO"

-He's the kind of guy that wears beanies in the summertime for aesthetics

-He's ashamed of his haircut so he constantly wears hats to cover them

-His ex-girlfriend used to cut his hair for free, but now she hates him for giving her the clap.

-She cheated on him,got the clap, and gave it to him, then ended the relationship

-This sucker has only dogged it out with 4 broads, 2 of them we're black out drunk, including that cheating cunt.

-Grew up in Jersey but claims to be from NY
-Hates country music but loves Johnny Cash
-has a dead front tooth
-smokes cigarettes inside
- Wears slippers because he forgot how to tie

- Once he got a handy in the back of the theater watching Air Force 1 by someone he was related to through marriage.

Anonymous said...

has a "no trespassing" sign on his door...at his parents' house.