DARTH GAYDER

Gay is the new black.

IT'S OFFICIAL! MEL GIBSON HATES ALL JEWS!!!

Admitted alchoholic / lunatic Mel Gibson opens a can of "I hate all Jews" on a Malibu Police officer who arrested him early friday morning for drunk driving. I'm not going to bother re-telling the whole story, I just felt I needed to pass this on in order to keep it buzzing a while longer... -Maybe knock this self-righteous asshole down a couple of notches. If you feel like reading about it, click here: Mel Gibson is a pile of his own oven-baked feces

THE BEST DRUG IN THE WORLD

I can pretty much interchange Tylenol PM and pot brownies for the #1 spot of the 2 kinds of drugs I partake in, given my mood or what I need to get accomplished the following day. But GOT-damn, if I had my way, every night would end with me drifting off to comasville on the Tylenol PM express. That shit is off the proverbial chain.

AGE AINT NOTHIN' BUT A NUMBER

St. Paul police cited the 81-year-old father of Sen. Norm Coleman and a female companion after officers reported seeing them engaged in a sex act in the parking lot of a popular pizzeria. A person passing Red Savoy's Pizza at 421 E. Seventh St. called police about 6:30 p.m. Tuesday and said two people were "having sex in a vehicle," a police report said. Officers issued citations to Norman B. Coleman Sr. and Patrizia M. Schrag, 38, for lewd and disorderly conduct. Schrag told police Coleman Sr. is her boyfriend. Neither the elder Coleman nor Schrag, who both live in St. Paul, could be reached for comment Wednesday, but the Minnesota senator issued a statement. "I love my father dearly," he said. "I do not condone his actions or behavior, and I am deeply disturbed by what I have learned. He clearly has some issues that need to be dealt with, and I will encourage him to seek the necessary help." Beverly Coleman, the elder Coleman's wife and the senator's mother, said she was shocked to learn of the citation.

EITHER / OR VOLUME IV -LIGHTNING ROUND!!!

Here it is you fucks... Lightning lunchbreak edition of 'Either / Or'.
Your mission is, you gotta decide between either Alanis Morissette or Avril Levine, -Both equally yuck bitches, to have a year long INTENSE emotional and sexual relationship with. If you succeed in this leg of the mission you can do whatever the hell you want after your year is up and will recieve a million dollars (tax free) cash. But keep in mind, whichever one you choose, -they will end up writing an entire horrific album about their relationship with you, that will be played on the radio and MTV, TRL, BET, BET 'after dark' and VH1, CONSTANTLY for like 6 months (also, the hit single will be a reggaeton' joint with Daddy Yankee, remixed by K-Fed). So keep that in mind during the course of your 365-day sentence. If at any point during the 365 days you opt out of the relationship you will be promtly put on a plane and wisked off to Abu Graib prison where you will have all of your finger and toe nails ripped out with pliers, and be sliced with exacto knives on every square inch of your body and forced to roll around in a vat full of Ann Coulter feces and Lindsay Lohan bulemia puke.


Like always; go on the record and state your choices AND reasons for your decision in the comments section below. (Please leave your name or alias at the end if you have not already established yourself as a regular on the blog)

TUCKER GERRICK PENCIL DRAWING OF NATALIE PORTMAN

EITHER / OR VOLUME III

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a motherfucking diamond-encrusted bulldozer. This week's "EITHER / OR" aint no punk...The scenario is this: You have to EITHER: Be on work release/ house arrest for 1 year and share a small studio apartment with Ann Coulter where you will have have to wear one of those electronic ankle bracelets and cannot go anywhere besides your job and your crib. You must drive a blaze yellow Pontiac Aztek that has a Bush / Cheney bumper sticker on it to and from work; -where you will be doing fundraising telemarketing for the Republican party.
OR: Eat 4 Chipotle-sized carne asada burritos filled with rice, beans and hair sweepings from various barber shops, within a 12 hour period. -You may not drink any beverages during this time , and you must do it while listening to reggaeton' at near deafening volumes.
If you fail to successfully complete either if these missions, all of your teeth will be busted out, one by one, with a hammer and/ or pliers. After all that, you will get sciringes full of bleach injected into your fucking eyeballs... -Don't sleep homie!!

Like always; go on the record and state your choices AND reasons for your decision in the comments section below. (Please leave your name or alias at the end if you have not already established yourself as a regular on the blog)

THE CASE OF THE EXPLODING PANTS

You know when on TV, when there's a bunch of bitches at a slumber party or some shit, and one of them starts a pillow fight and before you know it, they cut to the scene were there are little white feathers raining down from the ceiling? I'm having that very scene take place in my crib right now except instead of feathers, it's little pieces of what used to be my pants. Actually I think the majority of my pants just vaporized. I hate myself.

S-DOT'S THUGGED-OUT ADVENTURES ON MYSPACE

So I'm on Myspace the other day, representing , holding it down, putting in work for the set and whatnot, and I figure -'Hey, I can let some of these trifling-ass bitches know what's up with the L.O.A.' So I start sending out messages to hoes letting them know what time it is etc. -nothing crazy, just a little whoopty whoo like " Yo, what it do, what's crackin', we're gangstas on this shit, check out what's poppin' on our lil' blog and all that". And do you know what? -this bitch straight up tries to cop a 'tude on S-dot. Peep the incredible strength of my virtual pimp hand. My shit is like way strong. Bitches better know not to fuck around:

(S. McPoppycock)-"PUT ME IN YOUR TOP 8 BITCH- Sincerely, -Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esquire."

(Princess Bedtime Sarah)- "Who the fuck is this and why would i put you in my top eight let alone add you?!"

(Me)- "This is Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esquire. I am super famous, and if you haven't heard of me then you're a total palsy. I don't know if you know this or not but I'm in this gnarly gang called the LORDS of APATHY, and like I'm the leader. So if you wanna be cool, then I advise you to get with the fucking program here honey. Otherwise just remain ingnorant and worthless like you are now. Holla,"


(princess bedtime sarah)- "you're a fucking moron. SERIOUSLY?! ignorant and worthless? wow that's a fast way to make friends. -you should probably just die."

(Me)- "So be it... -Your loss. Don't come crying to me when I'm strolling down the red carpet in a fine Italian suit at some fancy Hollywood party, and you're sitting somewhere on the sidelines wishing you woulda gotten in on this thing while you had the chance. I'm about to be bigger than the Beatles and Jesus squared."

POOR LEADERSHIP YIELDS DISASTEROUS RESULTS

I was gonna launch off into a tirade, but if ever a picture was worth a million words...

KARMA IS A MOTHERFUCKER: ANN COULTER'S FACE KILLS BIRD ON ROLLERCOASTER

With each passing day Ann Coulter manages to set the bar lower and lower for humanity, dragging down the curve for decency and rational thought like a rocket-propelled anchor. If only by just continuing to breathe, she singlehandedly makes an already fucked-up world a much, much worse place. In a recent radio interview, referring to the NY Times' decision to report on the National Security Agency's warrantless domestic eavesdropping program and a Treasury Department program designed to track international financial transactions for terrorist activity, Coulter declared that the Times had done "something that could have gotten them executed". A few hours later, in a rare instance of cosmic justice, Coulter's bony, angular, mannish face was struck by a low-flying goose while riding the new 'Apollo's Chariot' rollercoaster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg (shown above). Unfortunately the bird was not made out of razor blades and steak knives, nor was it carrying an anvil. To add further insult to injury, 'I can't believe it's not butter' decided to drop Coulter from their multi-million dollar endorsement deal. A spokesperson for the company said that the decision was made based on the fact that "That bitch is fucking nuts".

HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: MEGUMI KAGURAZAKA

OFFICIAL L.O.A. STATUS REPORT, ASIAN AFFAIRS DIVISION. DECLASSIFIED TUESDAY JULY 18th 2006 AT THE REQUEST OF GEN. McPOPPYCOCK ESQUIRE
Subject: Megumi_Kagurazaka
Codename: Asian 'Tender Roni'
Country of origin: Not the United States
Caution level: That girl is poison. NEVER trust a big butt and a smile -use extreme caution-shes dangerous!
Physical description: Exotic Asian hottness, major juggs
Filed under: Recently added to the Lords of Apathy 'Boner Jams '03 mixtape'.

Bollywood bringin the HEAT

Carbo-loading and race relations with House of Pain

I don't eat pig, but I'll fuck up a potato.
I'm not a dago, but pasta's all that.

DISCUSS.

YO!! WHAT'S YOUR GODDAMN DEAL PEOPLE?

I gotta tell you, I'm a little bit disappointed in you guys. I can only assume that by the lack of comments on my Rick Santorum post from a few days ago, that either you didnt read it, or you had no opinion on it. If you fall into that first category, then you need to bone up on your Rick Santorum a lil' bit; and if you fall into the second category, then you are a soul-less empty vessel of a human being. Re-read that shit right now, that dude it fucking heinous. So much so that I'd almost admire it if it wasn't so FUCKING creepy and disgusting.

MSNBC's NORAH O'DONNELL IS A LOATHSOME STEAMING CUNT. I HOPE SHE CATCHES AIDS.

For the better part of my life, I assumed that there was a basic journalistic code of ethics that all television broadcasters were supposed to follow. The parameters of this were nothing unreasonable; just your basic common courtesy and professionalism that should be a given. Things like: don't be a condescending bitch to your guest; base your questions on factual information -rather than a list of Carl Rove's talking points and smear tactics; ask provocative questions without resorting to belittling personal attacks... -That sort of thing. Watch as O'Donnell takes peace activist / Mother of slain U.S. soldier, Cindy Sheehan through the 36 chambers of cunty pre-menstral journalism.

ANIMAL SPOTLIGHT: THE CARNIVOROUS PHANTOM LEMUR

Lemurs are part of a class of primates known as prosimians, and make up the infraorder Lemuriformes. This type of primate was the evolutionary predecessor of monkeys and apes (simians). The term "lemur" is derived from the Latin word lemures, which means "agents of carnage". This likely refers to many of the nocturnal lemur species and their large, reflective eyes. The term is generically used for the members of the four lemuriform families, but it is also the genus of one of the lemuriform species. The two flying lemur species are not lemurs, nor are they even primates.

Lemurs are found naturally only on the island of Madagascar and some smaller surrounding islands, including the Comoros (where it is likely they were introduced by humans). Fossil evidence indicates that they made their way across the ocean after Madagascar broke away from the continent of Africa. While their ancestors were displaced in the rest of the world by monkeys, apes, and other primates, the lemurs were safe from competition on Madagascar and differentiated into a number of species. These range in size from the tiny 30 gram Peters' Mouse Lemur to the 10 kilogram Indri. The larger species have all become extinct since humans settled on Madagascar, and since the early 20th century the largest lemurs reach about 7 kilograms. Typically, the smaller lemurs are active at night, while the larger ones are active during the day. The small cheirogaleoids are generally carnivores, eating a variety species ranging from small rodents to humans. Both the smaller and larger breeds of lemurs generally hunt their prey in packs of about 10 or 12. They engage their prey by spitting a venomous blood-like substance into their victim's eyes causing instant blindness. While it is incapacitated, the pack will basically disembowel their victim by cracking open it's ribcage and devouring it's intestines, -often while it's heart is still beating. Lemurs have been suspected in the disappearance of over 50 people in Madagascar over the last decade.

All lemurs are endangered species, due mainly to habitat destruction (deforestation) and hunting. Although conservation efforts are under way, options are limited because of the lemurs' limited range and because Madagascar is desperately poor. Currently, there are approximately 56 living lemur species and subspecies. In some remote areas of Madagascar, the cultural motivation behind posting lemur hunting traps are that of indigenous superstition that lemurs are omens and harbingers of bad fortune. This hindsight is commonly inspired by the lemur's unique features.

SENATOR RICK SANTORUM; ANTI GAY-MARRIAGE, BUT PRO-CUDDLING WITH DEAD BABIES

In his Senate office, on a shelf next to an autographed baseball, Sen. Rick Santorum keeps a framed photo of his son Gabriel Michael, the fourth of his seven children. Named for two archangels, Gabriel Michael was born prematurely, at 20 weeks, on Oct. 11, 1996, and lived two hours outside the womb. Upon their son's death, Rick and Karen Santorum opted not to bring his body to a funeral home. Instead, they bundled him in a blanket and drove him to Karen's parents' home in Pittsburgh. There, they spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel with his three siblings, ages 6, 4 and 1 1/2. They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass. "That's my little guy," Santorum says, pointing to the photo of Gabriel, in which his tiny physique is framed by his father's hand. The senator often speaks of his late son in the present tense. It is a rare instance in which he talks softly. He and Karen brought Gabriel's body home so their children could "absorb and understand that they had a brother," Santorum says. "We wanted them to see that he was real," not an abstraction, he says. Not a "fetus," either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described -- "a 20-week-old fetus" -- on a hospital form. They changed the form to read "20-week-old baby." Karen Santorum, a former nurse, wrote letters to her son during and after her pregnancy. She compiled them into a book, "Letters to Gabriel," a collection of prayers, Bible passages and a chronicle of the prenatal complications that led to Gabriel's premature delivery. At one point, her doctor raised the prospect of an abortion, an "option" Karen ridicules. "Letters to Gabriel" also derides "pro-abortion activists" and decries the "infanticide" of "partial-birth abortion," the legality of which Rick Santorum was then debating in the Senate. The book reads, in places, like a call to action. "When the partial-birth abortion vote comes to the floor of the U.S. Senate for the third time," Karen writes to Gabriel, "your daddy needs to proclaim God's message for life with even more strength and devotion to the cause."
(reprinted courtesy of the Washington Post)

DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA

Hey everybody, I just wanted to take a little time out to thank all the homies for being a part of the Lords of Apathy gang blog. Please feel free to leave us a little comment, or express any concerns, shout outs, or suggestions etc. Sorry for the lack of updates over the last couple of days, we've had to regulate on some fools trying to creep up on the set. Let's just say certain bitch-ass marks are gonna have to learn how to throw up their gang sign with their feet from now on... Shit is real like that in the O.C.

Representing for the LOA gangstas all across the world.
-Yours Truly,

Snickerdoodles McPoppycock Esquire LOA por vida

CAT TAKES A DUMP

HOW TO EFFECTIVELY BE A DIPSHIT PT. 2

C'mon dude... Seriously, you're killing me with that shit. As if there weren't enough reasons to hate people talking on cell phones already, -here we fucking go again. Enough already. Nobody needs these things...-NOBODY!! -Well scratch that, If you're driving around drunk in an Escalade, wildly masturbating while watching pornos on a dashboard-mounted video screen, -you definately need one. But as far as the rest of you assholes are concerned...-no, no, NO!!! Not even you-the guy at the health food store who's always barefoot wearing cut-off Daisy Dukes and a Jeff Gordon t-shirt.-NO!! Nobody ever has a call so important that they couldn't just reach down and just grab their phone out of their gay little belt-clip hip holster thing.

A Very special VIDEO BROTHA LYNCH'S CORNER (feat. MC EIHT)

HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: CHINA FUKUNAGA

This week's H.A.G.D.J. is dedicated to one of the original L.O.A. gangstas, Khaki Bikini, who recently celebrated his anniversary with his lady by arguing over the alleged increasing size of Asian womens breasts over the last few decades. I don't know wether or not this will help or hurt your position on this very important matter, but let us not devolve into hostility this Independence day weekend. Let's use this as a time to reflect on our nations many stuggles and triumphs and just enjoy looking at this awesome cleavage for fuck's sake. GOD BLESS AMERICA...

C'MON Y'ALL, CAN I GET A "WOOT WOOT" FOR THE USA!??

The Terrorists hate us for our freedom to make shitty music videos

RIDIN' DIRTY; (MORE) TALES OF MINNESOTA SPORTS DEBAUCHERY

If you've been following Minnesota sports for the last couple of years, you know that the twin cities has become a regular haven for sexually deviant athletes;-which I for one, think is fucking awesome! If you thought that 'ghostriding the whip' was the shit, try driving drunk, while watching porn and jacking off -on for size. -That's what's up!!

On March 30, Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin was drunk and masturbating when he crashed his luxury SUV into a parked Suburban outside a store in Minneapolis, according to a lawsuit filed Thursday by the man whose Suburban was hit in the crash.Several of the 911 callers that night said Griffin was drunk. One witness said Griffin told him he was watching pornography in a DVD player mounted on the dashboard of his Cadillac Escalade SUV when he struck a Chevy Suburban parked on University Avenue Southeast.Abed Hassuneh, who is the brother of the victim, said Griffin told him, "That he was masturbating himself going down that street. That's how the accident happened because he was not paying attention. He's paying attention to that video and all of a sudden he's shoveled somebody's car on the top of the sidewalk." Interim Minneapolis Police Chief Tim Dolan ordered an internal affairs investigation of the conduct of the two officers who responded to the scene, after the I-TEAM made Dolan aware of allegations about the incident. Key questions are why Griffin wasn't tested for alcohol and why the officers drove him out of the city to his home in St. Paul. Griffin also received tickets for not having a license and inattentive driving. Griffin's damaged SUV was towed to the Minneapolis impound lot. "Obviously, if somebody is drunk and they are driving we want that dealt with by the police officers of Minneapolis, " Dolan said. The video also shows Griffin admitting he is drunk and doesn't have a driver's license. The video shows him struggling for minutes to put on his sweatshirt and offering to buy a car for the man who's SUV he crashed into in front of Santana Foods. Griffin was not available for comment. When he was interviewed by reporters after the crash happened, he said he had dropped his cell phone as he drove.