March 30, 2011
Every Rap Show I've Ever Been to Summed Up in 87 Seconds
Lupe Fiasco had a show in Chicago this weekend at the House of Blues. He showed up late and the crowd went nuts, booing a DJ off of the stage and filling the stage with bottles and cups. When Lupe finally arrived, he played for 25 minutes and bounced, telling fans "see you at the real show" -- even though people paid up to $100 and waited all night to see him. Fans were irate. The next day, Lupe said he was late because he ran out of gas, and that the crowd shouldn't have expected a performance since the show's flier said the night was a "celebration" (which I guess is something other than a "show"). And, oh yeah, he didn't know the promoter so everyone should really blame him.
Before Lupe hit the stage, the guy in this video grabbed the mic and tried to soothe the crowd by telling everyone to "calm the fuck down." This video is really a great synopsis of my entire rap show going career: unknowns on the mic, performer not on time, the crowd getting insulted from the stage, unruly audience, feeling like I was ripped off, etc. This is the kind of thing that could only happen at a hip hop show. I really can't imagine paying $100 to see Radiohead, and waiting two hours just to see Thom Yorke do a verse off of Karma Police before he walks off, telling everyone this was just a celebration.
Stop Imagining
Had some time to kill on my MDW to MSP flight so I cracked open the latest issue of Sky Mall and came across these beauties. My shoe game is super tight, but I always thought it was missing a spring-loaded running shoe with a picture of sperm (I mean, the "Slick Seed of Life") on the side. It's like Sky Mall read my mind. I immediately jumped on the Airfone and had a pair waiting for me by the Caribou Coffee when I touched down.
March 29, 2011
SNOOKIE
You guys already know the question. Gimme your answers now in the coments,-And don't front you sick, nasty motherfuckers.
ANARCHY IN THE UK
A little sneak preview of what the United States has coming it's way in the upcoming class war
March 28, 2011
POLE DANCING FOR JESUS
From what I heard, Jesus doesn't tip for shit... Dude just sits there on the edge of the stage nursing his bottle of Coors light for like 3 hours at a time.
(Good looking out Joe F.)
(Good looking out Joe F.)
March 25, 2011
KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT
Always know that when someone dances his way into the ring for a fight, he's just letting you know he's moments away from getting knocked the FUCK out.
March 24, 2011
ATTENTION PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA AND ANDERSON COOPER...
Mr. President, Anderson Cooper 360; -my girlfriend is pissed at me for the Rashida Jones post I did a few days ago. She wanted to get back at me, so when you get an extra minute she wants you guys to holler at her. She mentioned something like she wants to marry you Obama, and she wants AC360 to take her out to dinner at a fancy restaraunt (not sure in which order)... Thanks
-Snickerdoodles
WARRANT/ CHERRY PIE
What can I say... This shit fucking sucks. I initially just wanted to see the shot of homeboy with the huge creepy-ass mouth/ teeth, but as I listened to the rest of the song, I came to a startling realization: Yeah, this shit is fucking terrible, but by today's musical standards this is like Beethoven. The status quo of the music industry nowadays sucks so intensely that I feel a strange longing for an era where music only sucked a fraction as much.
HORRIBLE RAP THURSDAY: ZIP-ZAP/ CRANK DAT GOPHER BOY
Sometimes I see/ hear something that's so embarrassingly shitty that it sends chills down my spine. This is one of those times:
(Good looking out J-Mart!)
(Good looking out J-Mart!)
March 23, 2011
CARELESS MOTHERFUCKING WHISPER!!
This is one of the best things anyone has ever done with their time on earth:
Why I Only Take Car Service
Watch the Puerto Rican Sam Sneed go crazy on a fellow train rider while everyone else on the MTA pretends not to notice. Props to Shane Battier for keeping cool under pressure.
March 21, 2011
ELI PORTER (BACK) IN THE BUILDING! ; BATTLE OF THE MENTALLY RETARDED RAPPERS
Just when you thought your boy Eli Porter could not be more entertaining, he completes his cipher by dissing 50 Tyson.
March 18, 2011
Hot Asian Girl Du Jour: DMD REMIX
Rather than stick to the script of showing Asian girls in schoolgirl outfits or bikinis, I thought I would flip it and show a hot Asian girl in an everyday situation (like getting harassed by an Australian postal carrier while a jealous blonde lady cackles in approval). I can't count how many times this has happened to me.
BOOK BY IT'S COVER VOL.2
You guys know the drill, it's Volume 2 of 'Book By It's Cover' coming at you. Once again, LOA's very own disgraced blogger 'Kid Lover', is back with another stunning ensemble that is sure to set the internet ablaze.
The rules of 'Book By It's Cover' are pretty straightforward; basically you have to look at the person pictured and guess what they're about. Solely based on their appearance, what kind of shit are they into?: -music, political views, strange habits, sexual practices etc. Be creative and thorough. The more specific and far-reaching the info you give, the better. Leave your replies in the 'comments' section below. If you're still stuck on how this thing works, check out the comments from our previous BBIC feature on Kid Lover from a few months back.
Click image to enlarge and ponder how/ why this is possible on a 80-degree day.
March 17, 2011
The Takeover: Warren Watson
When I was a kid, I might have told you that I wanted to be a doctor, construction worker or soldier when I grew up. Today's kids are saying they want to be Warren Watson. This guy can do it all: gay professor, unintimidating biker, proctologist, 1980s beam walker or a Halloween party guest. I haven't seen range like this since Hoffman played Tootsie.I feel like I want to make a movie just so I can cast Warren Watson. Snick, please make "LOA: The Motion Picture" happen! I'm calling dibs on 2Dubs playing DMD!
March 16, 2011
SNAKE BITES MODEL'S TIT; DIES OF SILICONE POISONING
Women are literally made out of poison nowadays. Real Talk.
TRANNIE RUMBLE!
I stand and salute... It gets no better than this! (stolen from Revok's blog. -Holler at it!)
STOP BULLSHITTING
Campaign trail Obama said:
I think what he meant was:
"As soon as I get elected, I'm going to do everything in my power to adopt, co-sign and appease the warped Republican agenda, no matter much it fucks the bottom 90% of the country in it's collective asshole."
March 15, 2011
RACIST TUESDAY
Let me just say honey, you've never had an "epiphany" in your life. Maybe you're unfamiliar with the word, but trust me, it has another use besides just being your stage name on amateur night at the 'Body Shop' on tuesday night. Real talk though... this is pretty ho-hum racism. I was actually hoping for something a little more dicey. I guess the moral to the story is, yeah; other people's customs and cultures might seem weird to you. I'll bet there's a lot of things that happen outside of Brentwood, and Malibu that might seem 'foreign' and 'odd' to real Americans such as yourself. -But I guarantee you that you are not any kind of authority on what's normal. I'll bet when Liu Twan's family comes to visit him every weekend, they think it's super strange that your mom entered you in child pageants, your parents paid for your boob job for your 16th birthday present, and that you bake your skin to that shade of orange and you think that it looks natural. Everything is relative sugar tits. Please try to get over yourself, and stay off the webcam. Your opinions (and epiphanies) are completely irrelevant.
March 14, 2011
March 13, 2011
The New Hit Factory
Ark Music Factory is killing it right now. The only thing I can compare this to is when Death Row jumped on the scene and everything they touched was amazing. Just when you think Ark can't top CJ Fam, they hit you with Alana Lee and Abby Victor. Ark's bench is crazy deep. Lil NayNay was rapping before she can even talk! I didn't know that was possible, but finding incredible talent is Ark's calling card. Just before the 6 minute mark, even Quincy Jones jumps on the mic (via iPad) to let you know what time it is. Don't believe me? I'm gonna let Rebecca Black ride you fools out...
March 11, 2011
CHEESEHEADS
I'm not sure how these got past me, but better late than never...Green and Yellow all day.
March 10, 2011
March 4, 2011
REAL TALKER: ANTHONY WEINER
You GO boy! Don't take any bullshit from these dimwits on Fox news. Watch as this interview turns into a petty, 3-ring circus, non-interview, interview. I love it though. A-Dubs's condescension skills are top notch.
March 1, 2011
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