HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: SAYAKA ISOYAMA

Did anyone watch that Suns Maverics game tonight? I'm about to turn on Sportscenter to see what's crackin... OH SHIT 106-86 Suns!! Damn, I wish I would have watched that game. I just saw some highlights. Shawn 'the Matrix' Marion just dunked the shit out of that shit. Dirk Novitski got posterized by that Brazilian dude. Man... -you know what would be dope? What if there was like a womens' B-ball league that was all hot Asian chicks? And like, their uniforms were all like super small bikini tops and hotpants-style shorts. They should lower the rims to like 6 and a half feet, so there'd be a lot of alley-oop dunks and shit. Actually, all sports should be played by hot Asians. That'd be dope.

ANIMAL SPOTLIGHT: -THE THREE-TOED KILLER SLOTH

The three-toed sloths are the only members of the Bradypus species and the Bradypodidae family. They are very closely related to the somewhat larger and generally slower moving two-toed sloths. Both types of sloth tend to occupy the same forests. In most areas, a particular single species of three-toed sloth and a single species of the larger two-toed type will jointly predominate. Three toed killer sloths are one of the deadliest animals known to man. In some parts of South and Central America, the "Inchaluma Llouomo" or 'Manslayer' sloths are widely feared and have been known to ravage entire villages killing as many as 36 people in a single sloth raid. These bloodthirsty creatures thrive in settled areas and tend to prey on the weak and disenfranchised. Known for their refined hunting skills, packs of wild sloths will surround their prey and terrorize their victims with piercing battle shrieks. If the person shows any signs of weakness, the sloths will attack with an incomprehensible ferocity -oftentimes devouring the persons liver, spleen and small intestines while the person is still alive- screaming in terror.

Habitat:
Awhile ago, three-toed sloths were believed to have lived only in Cecropia trees, localy known as Embauba trees. Now, further research shows that they also live in at least 96 other tree species. The original assumption was based on the fact that the Cecropia trees have a relatively open canopy, and it is easy to notice a sloth inhabiting these trees.The three-toed sloth is unlike other mammals because it is incapable of keeping its body temperature constant, much like a snake or any reptile. Because of this, coupled with the fact that its body temperature goes down as the air temperature goes down, the three-toed sloth is only able to live in humid and warm environments. Usually, a male sloth will stay on one tree his whole life. However, female sloths move around. This is because a female sloth will leave her tree after giving birth to its offspring, giving her tree to her offspring.

Species:
Family Bradypodidae
Genus Bradypus
Pygmy Three-toed Sloth (Bradypus pygmaeus)
Maned Three-toed Sloth (Bradypus torquatus)
Pale-throated Three-toed Sloth (Bradypus tridactylus)
Brown-throated Three-toed Sloth (Bradypus variegatus)

JESUS? OR TOTAL CROCK OF SHIT?

Josh from the Allied Jacuzzi Nation gang just put me up on this luke-warm piece of fluff non-news. Forgive me for my cynicism, but this seems like some kind of weak attempt to offset all of the recent 'DaVinci Code' hoopla. Start counting down the hours before this is the lead story on the 'O'Reilly Factor'. The thing that bugs me the most about this is that it's clearly not the face of Jesus, but rather the face of Val Kilmer playing Jim Morrison in the 'Doors' movie. It's like every time people are hollering all this "Jesus this"..."Jesus that" ... "I saw Jesus in this pile of puke in an alley..." -and I'm all "Dude; that's totally Val Kilmer". Why would jesus want to appear in a pile of puke? He's the son of god for Christ's sake..."-Literally. I dunno, fucking judge the story for yourself:
A gardener had a revelation when he dug up his asparagus plant and saw the face of Jesus.Martin Gregory was enjoying his Sunday morning gardening when he noticed something quite different about one of his asparagus ferns he removed from a pot.As the 52-year-old laid the 30-inch plant on the grass the sun shone down on the roots and revealed the face of Jesus to him.The part-time mosaic tutor said: "I thought Good gracious! It's the face of Jesus. "It's the most weird thing I have ever seen. "The roots are fantastic. You can actually make out a thorn crown around his head, his eyes and nose. "I've heard about Mother Theresa's face being seen in a bagel but I thought this was much better." Belvedere resident Mr Gregory removed the plant from his pot, which had been in the garden for 10 years, because he thought it was dying. He believed the Christ-like image was caused by the roots being pressed against the stones in the plant pot causing the unusual indentations. He added: "It looked so much like His face it took my breath away. "It has not made me religious. But it could be something supernatural linked to the abbey ruins opposite. "We don't know what's in the ground." Father David Sherratt, of St Michael and All Angels Church, Abbey Wood Road, Abbey Wood, said: "I have often heard of people seeing things. God may want Mr Gregory to interpret what he saw in the plant as a sign."
JESUS / VAL KILMER APPEARANCES:

1978: Maria Rubio made a burnt tortilla, which resembled the mournful face of Jesus Christ. 8,000 curious pilgrims treked to her house in rural New Mexico to view the sacred icon.

1981: Christ appears, crucified on a garage door in California, caused by reflections from two street lights that had merged with shadows of a bush and a real-estate sign.

1987: Jesus appears on the chimney of a suburban bowling alley in Chicago. The four-foot image is formed from rusting metal.

1989: Thousands flocked to a home in north-east Harris County, Texas, to view a linoleum table top reflecting the image of Jesus.

1991: Jesus made national news as the centerpiece of a Pizza Hut billboard in Atlanta. The image of Jesus' face was found in strands of spaghetti hanging from a fork.

RAP PICTOGRAMS VOLUME 2!!

Alright, it's time to strap on your rap thinking caps once again for another red-hot round of rap pictograms. Last week, Letta literally and figuratively 'clowned' y'all and took the first round in convincing fashion. Let's see who's thug enough to take this week's challenge and inch closer to the coveted, first ever, RAP PICTOGRAM WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!!! As stated in last week's competition, the first person to correctly answer 3 Rap Pictograms can legitimately claim the title of 'International Grand Imperial Wizard of Rap Pictograms'. Not only that but you will receive some ILL PRIZES, including a Burlesque Design exclusive R. Kelly 'PISS' T-Shirt (see towards the bottom of the blog), as well as several other fabulous goodies!!! Trust me on this one, -you will get hooked the fuck up...-I'm talking literally LACED with merchandise. -DONT SLEEP!!!(CLICK TO ENLARGE IMAGE)
Since, in my opinion, last weeks pictogram was kinda easy, I'm going to set this one off without giving you any clues other than: This scene depicts a few lines from a west coast rapper that you all have heard of. As time goes on, I will provide you with more hints if necessary. But seriously, if you're on top of your rap, this should be a cakewalk. YOU MUST CORRECTLY NAME THE RAPPER, THE LYRIC THAT IS DEPICTED ABOVE, THE NAME OF THE SONG IT'S FROM, AND THE NAME OF THE ALBUM IT'S ON. Good luck...-LET'S GET IT ON!! (post answers in 'comments' below. -leave your name in case you get it right)

RIDIN' DIRTY IN THE O.C.

I just got brand new shoes and socks on the whip, because you know 'S' dot McPoppycock can't be fucking with no teenage rims. I'm about to get lamborghini doors put on my shit, but I gotta order them shits from Italy so they wont be here for another 2 weeks.

WOMBAT ON A BIKE

YOU KNOW HOW WE DO.

HOW TO EFFECTIVELY BE A DIPSHIT

There are limitless ways to be a dipshit, but here are a few very common ways that ring more and more true every time I encounter them. •First off; never, I repeat- NEVER wear sunglasses indoors. I dont care if you're just gonna run inside for a second and pay for your gas, have the common decency to remove your 'shades' Tommy Hollywood. •Next, NEVER EVER play 'air guitar'. This is probably the single lamest thing you can ever do publicly, -I really mean that. Fart along to the beat if you want but please, PLEASE, spare me the air guitar...-are you fucking kidding me!!? Air Guitar almost always combines the elements of rocking out, awkward spastic dancing, and making horrific facial expressions. And if you wanna top all of that shit off with a pair of indoor sunglasses, I guess -fuck it, you're already so far gone at this point, you may as well. •Finally, if you're really trying to out-do yourself, have your shirt unnecessarily off all the time. This is the cherry on top for world-class assholes. I'm saying, the only way I'll give you a pass on this one is if your body is so disgustingly flabby and out of shape, that there is clearly no incentive whatsoever to go shirtless; -but for whatever reason you can't help yourself and just do it anyways. -It's like "fuck-it, I'm going for it"... -I can respect that.

L.O.A.O.C.O.Gs. STAY STRAPPED...THE THESE STREETS ARE OURS.

Consider yourselves warned, we run shit in the O.C... Fashion Island, The 'Anti-Mall', Trader Joe's on 17th; -We run that shit. You wanna go get a burrito at Taqueria El Granjenal you fucking bitch? -Come ask our permission; kiss our iced-out rings muthafucka. We comb the beaches. We run the streets. Keep your heads on a swivel, and protect ya necks!

HOT L.A. NEWSCASTERS VOLUME 1: INANE RAMBLING FILLER BY LESLIE MILLER

Los Angeles network tv news boasts some of the hottest female newscasters in the nation, and inversely some of the dumbest female newscasters in the nation. Not to just limit it to newsroom 'personalities', I'm going to expand upon that and say that they are quite possibly, some of the dumbest people in the nation... -Actually, scratch that. Limiting it to human beings, might not even be thorough enough... I'll go you one step further and say L.A. Female newscasters may be the dumbest MAMMALS in the nation.( that also includes mammals in Puerto Rico and Guam)

KABC's morning anchorwoman/ Jayne Mansfield look-alike, Leslie Miller dropping some serious knowledge. Peep today's mathematics:

"Thank you, Scott, for that riveting report on the sleeping man accidentally dumped into a garbage truck. I must admit that's always been a fear of mine, waking up to find myself tumbling from a Dumpster into a trash compactor just waiting to crush my hips like pretzels. Ow! Thankfully, I've never had a broken bone, but I have stubbed every one of my toes. Omigod--the worst was this time I was at a reception for Craig T. Nelson, the guy who played Coach on Coach, whom I've always thought was kinda attractive in an icky sort of way, and I was wearing these open-toe sandals, which were just adorable. Where are those? Anyway, Craig T. Nelson walks by and I think, "Okay, Leslie, it's now or never!" and I race around the buffet table. But before I get to him, this woman steps in front of me and it's Goldie Hawn! I'm so surprised I slam my foot into a table leg and scream something that isn't fit for broadcast, if you know what I mean, and Craig T. Nelson looks at me and Goldie Hawn looks at me and my toes are bleeding and I just want to die! So... yeah. Sleeping in Dumpsters is a terrible thing. Back to you, Scott."

BROTHA LYNCH'S CORNER

Holler at Lynch on Myspace!: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=6577430LYRICS TO: "ON MY BRIEFCASE"

Now on my briefcase was some crumbled weed/
A pack of Saravegas and a 24 ounce o.e./
Might as well skeez these couple of hoes/
In my 69 malibu sittin' on trues and vogue/s
For days you might have seen me in my cinnamon cut chrome shoes/
With some you can't see me tint on the windows endo syndrome/
Smokin' it up, not givin' a muthafuckin' fizuck/
Sold the cut, my ex-hoe said that nigga's squatin' what?/
Got at the homie carl, and got some of that bomb/
Had me so fuckin' high i got off like vietnam/
Dead bodies and bitches clits simmerin' in the crock po/t
And the shit don't stop until my muthafuckin' chronic or high drop/
It's just that insane type of thang, let the mac rain guts in the drain/
Siccmade niggas they make the world go round/
And if you fuck with siccmade music you can get your ass gunned down...

PACKER LEGEND -ANTONIO FREEMAN; A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE

It was a cold and rainy Monday night at Lambeau Field in Green Bay. The Packers were hosting division rivals, the loathsome Minnesota Vikings.With the Packers facing third and 4 at the Vikings' 43 on the first possession of overtime, Brett Favre took a shot deep to Freeman, who was locked in man-to-man coverage with cornerback Cris Dishman along the western sideline.As Freeman slipped and fell, Dishman had the ball in his hands but dropped the interception. The ball bounced off the back of Freeman's helmet and left shoulder until he controlled it against his chest as he lay on the ground. Freeman jumped to his feet at the 15, eluded Robert Griffith and scored a touchdown that set off a wild victory celebration in the south end zone. This was just one of many crushing defeats for the Vikings at the hands of the green and gold, and was later nominated by ESPN to be the best play in Monday Night Football history.

HOW TO TRY TO BE MORE PUERTO RICAN IF YOU'RE REALLY JUST WHITE

by Mr. Flip Switches L.O.A. east coast correspondant
As children, we're told to "eat right!" in order to be healthy, happy, and to have energy for all the important things we need to do in our daily routine! Well kids, it's time to put away the things of childhood and Eat Right on some grown-man style; because Eatting Right is just as important as you enter your third decade as it was when you were in the third grade.

Part 1 - Bacalaitos:
Get a box of Goya Bacalaitos (cod fish fritters) mix at the store. Bring that shit home. Follow the directions on the damn box. Heat up some oil, and cook those shits. Then eat the fuck out of them.

Part 2 - Call your wife who's been out working all day while you've been at home doing jack shit, and say "baby bring home a bottle of wine, lets get drunk and fuck real loud." Pass out before she makes home so you can take a "power nap" and get ready for your "performance" in bed later on.

INCREDIBLE PROPHECY!!

(Click image to enlarge)
OH MY GOD!!! Can you believe it!!! Less than 72 hours ago I posted a little rant about Drew Barrymore's downward spiral into into gross-dom. I made a sarchastic statement jokingly predicting what would seemingly be impossible.... -AND EERILY, IT CAME TRUE!!! I Just stumbled across this movie poster advertising the new Charlies Angels flick due out this summer! This is really beginning to freak me out!After digging around on the internet(s) for about a half hour, I was able to find the preliminary trailer for the movie on 'youtube'. Here's a screengrab of one of the scenes featuring one of the original kings of comedy, -Mr. Bernie Mac.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE LADIES...

It occurred to me that, in the spirit of fairness, I should probably make more of an attempt to appeal to the female population out there in the bloggosphere. And who better to tantalize the female libido than yours truly, Snickerdoodles McPoppycock. Here's a candid shot of me getting out of the shower taken by the paparazzi. Not only am I world-class bloggmaster, but I'm totally ripped too. Enjoy ladies!

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS... MIDWEST STYLE

HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: SAYURI ANZU

Shaolin's finest, whattup Boo, peace your highness. Yo I'm loungin, big dick style, y'all niggaz is the flyest. Moves you're making too fly jewels are shaking, not a rape patient, you're looking good fly colored Asian...

SLANG UPDATE: SPECIAL 2 FOR 1 EDITION!

•"SMOKIN' ON THAT REGGIE MILLER" (© crunchy black / three 6 mafia)
One of the things I love about rap slang is discovering the evolution of how it came into being. My favorite, most elaborate, highly evolved bit of slang to date, popped up in the recent song "Stay Fly" by Three 6 Mafia . About midway through the song, Crunchy Black says something about "Smokin' on that Reggie Miller©". I'd hear the song on the radio every day while going to work, and each time that always jumped out at me-What's the significance of Reggie Miller in this context?. By about the 3rd or 4th time it hit me Like a bolt of lightning. Here's the breakdown on what I believe to be the evolution of the term (note: I had a hunch it had something to do with smoking Marijuanna.):

SMOKING MARIJUANA > SMOKING HERB > SMOKING WEED > SMOKING TREES > In Jamaican patois, The word 'THREE' sounds just like 'TREE' (SILENT 'H') . Reggie Miller was the shooting guard for the Indianna Pacers and was known for making clutch 'THREE' pointers. Thus: "Smokin' on that Reggie Miller©" = Smoking 'trees'.
_________________________________________________________

•"WORD BARRY©" (© snickerdoodles mcpoppycock / lords of apathy gang)
I coined this term about 3 weeks ago. I'm surprised I haven't heard anyone else say it before me because it's been right under our noses for some time now. It's evolution is fairly obvious, although there is an unexpected twist because it comes full circle, and then branches off and mutates further the second time around:

'MY WORD IS MY BOND' > WORD UP > WORD TO MOTHER/ WORD BOOTY/ DOOKIE etc. > WORD IS BOND > WORD IS BARRY BOND(S) = "Word Barry©"****

("WORD BARRY©" is properly used in tense, rage-filled situations such as ones you may find yourself in if you happened to be, or perhaps not be, juiced up on sterroids)

IN REMEMBERANCE OF DAYS GONE BY

While watching Wayne's World 2 after work, I had a shocking realization. -Back in the day, Drew Barrymore WAS hot. Not only that, but somehow, she managed to be hot despite not being asian in any way. It's been so long since she's been hot that I think I actually forgot that she ever was hot. She had a good run for a few years there: -Playboy pictorial, flashing her boobs on David Letterman, not yet having made 'Charlie's Angels'... -The world was her oyster. Fastforeward to present day. -What the hell happened!!?? Man, somebody give her a stairmaster and maybe a gift card to a spa or something. I wouldn't be surprised if in Charlie's Angels 3 she's wearing taco-stained sweatpants and some Chuck Taylors. Get it together girlfriend.

RAP PICTOGRAMS FEVER IS SWEEPING THE NATION!!!

I received this rap pictogram from Mike "The 2600 king" Davis the other day. I'm not sure if he's offering a prize or not for correctly solving it, but I'd venture to guess that if you're an attractive asian female between the ages of 17 and 32 residing in the Minneapolis-Saint paul metro area; he'd be willing to give up an erotic full body massage to sweeten the deal. At first I was completely stumped, but 48 hours later, I think I've finally got it: (In case I'm not right, you may as well post your answers in the comments section below. (CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE)"Your dog's on fire you hairy post-911 bitch; go eat two buttfucking smurfs while Verne Troyer watches happily"

PART OF A RANDOM CONVERSATION ABOUT VERNE TROYER

wes: that midget's kind of a dick, isn't he?
mike: i don't know, but he was friends with kid rock's midget.
wes: isn't that midget dead?
mike: yeah

TUCKER GERRICK PENCIL DRAWING OF SOME MODEL BITCH.

Hey Tucker, I can't remember that girl's name, post what it is in the 'comments' below so I can update it. Thanks holmes.

WESTSIDE (high-speed internet) CONNECTION

I believe that children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Esteemed colleague and fellow L.O.A. Gangsta, Mike "The 2600 King" Davis submitted this graphic interpretation of his comments on this controvercial post (read below)...-Good lookin' holmes.

EAT POT BROWNIES AND WATCH YOUR LIFE COMPLETELY SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL

Ingredients:
3/4 cup softened pot-butter*** (See footnote for directions if needed)
2 cups all-purpose flour
3 eggs
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup (firmly packed) dark brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (12 ounce) package (2 cups) of chocolate morsels

Directions: -(Makes 32 (2-inch) squares)
1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2) In a small bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt (set aside).
3) In a large bowl, combine the butter, sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla extract (beat until creamy).
4) Add eggs (one at a time), beating well after each addition.
5) Gradually add flour mixture and mix well.
6) Stir in the chocolate morsels.
7) Spread evenly into a well-greased 15 x 10 x 1-inch baking pan.
8) Bake at 350 degrees for 30 to 40 minutes.
9) Cool and cut into 2-inch squares.

Pot Butter directions:

1) Using a double boiler or two pots, melt the butter on low heat. When using two pots, fill the larger (bottom) pot with water and the top pot with butter.
2) Once the butter has melted, add the weed. The amount of weed will determine the potency. For example, a "light" batch may use 3/4 of an ounce of weed to 5 sticks of butter.
3) Simmer for 20-30 minutes stirring every 5 minutes.
4) Let sit for 5 minutes then strain the pot butter (using cheesecloth) into a small bowl. (Figure 9.2)
5) Once cool enough to handle, pick up the cheesecloth and squeeze out the juice.
6) Cover and refrigerate until semi-solid.

RAP PICTOGRAMS VOLUME 1

Guess the rap-related pictogram below illustrating a lyric or commonly used rap-related phrase, slang term or saying. This will be an ongoing feature on the LORDS of APATHY blog so check back often! Be the first person to win 3 pictograms and win our special GRAND PRIZE !!!
(CLICK ON IMAGE TO ENLARGE)

CLUE:This is a lyric from a former NWA member's first solo album. To win you MUST be the first to provide the following answers correctly:
The artist : The name of the song : the album : The specific lyric being described.
POST YOUR ANSWERS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW THE PICTURE ALONG WITH YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS!!

HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: MARIA OZAWA

After seeing her picture, I immediately called my doctor and set up an appointment to get a screening for testicular cancer. Then I went home and sliced up my arms with the pieces of a broken bottle.

KOBE BRYANT TO APPEAR IN BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN SEQUEL...-DON'T GET IT TWISTED.

Rumor has it that the NBA's league-leading scorer Kobe Bryant, is to play the lead role in Ang Lee's upcoming sequel to Brokeback Mountain. Kobe's publicist, says that being a leading man was the next logical step for him. "Kobe's already conquered the NBA, he's conquered the music industry with the realease of his 2000 album 'Visions' -featuring the tracks "K.O.B.E". and "Thug Poet". So naturally, 'K' to the 'O' to the 'B' 'E' -A.K.A. the 'Thug Poet's next move is to take over Hollywood. K.O.B.E. has always been very comfortable in front of the camera and is looking to the future, beyond his NBA career, to possibly acting full time." Director Ang Lee was so impressed by the tapes sent in of some of his on-court performances, that he seemed to be the natural choice for the lead in BBM2. I think that K.O.B.E.'s portrayal of a tall, athletic, gay, black, cowboy, is a good PR move for him at this stage of his career and will help to offset some of the arrogant assholish motherfuckery behavior that has become his trademark in recent years.

THE LORDS OF APATHY GANGSTAS WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO OUR FUCKING BLOG

CASUAL FRIDAYS AT THE WHITE HOUSE

It would appear appear to most people that this is just another politically driven photo-op to boost Bush's miserable 2% popularity rating amongst blacks. However, much to my surprise, inside sources tell me that this is a common sight among those on the inner circle at the White House come friday afternoon. As the rest of Washington is cutting out early to hit the bars, or bang prostitutes at the Watergate hotel, Bush and key members of his cabinet have been known to blow off steam in a much different fashion. On multiple occasions, White House interns have reported hearing what sounded like loud gangsta rap music blaring out of the oval office. There are several other reports of rowdy late night staff meetings where interns were asked to run odd errands such as disposing of broken crack pipes, and driving as far as 125th street in Harlem to purchase the new Dipset mix tapes and red-white and blue bandanas.

THE MAGICAL WORLD OF AROMATHERAPY

Damn...I need to figure out how I can make some kind of aromatherapy helmet where the scent of cedar oil can be continuously pumped into my nostrils 24 hours a day. I'm not even sure if aromatherapy actually works or not, but I can honestly say that when i'm smelling the wonderful aroma of some essential oils roasting on an open flame, I feel about 15% less the urge to put my fucking head through a plate glass window. Every little bit helps.

HOT ASIAN GIRL Du JOUR: SATO KAZUSA

Well, that pretty much settles it... American girls, I think we need some time apart... And when I say 'time', what I really mean is 'forever'. I bid you all a fond farewell. It was fun while it lasted, but I've moved on. I know this may seem a bit impersonal, breaking it off with you over the internet and everything... but i guess when it comes down to it, I really just don't care.

HOLLA AT "PaPi JaE"

As I was confirming friend requests with 3 dumb blonde sluts on Myspace last night, I came across "PaPi JaE" on one of their top 8 lists. The first thing I thought was "Damn son, I need to give holmes a little shine on the L.O.A." -After all, he tried on like 8 different outfits for his pictures page all with color-coordinated New Era Caps. The Clincher was reading some of the captions he put under them including: -"GrowiN Mah Hair OnCe Again 4Dem BraidS (aKa a HeadAche)" • "Dat Sexii Mean LooK 4yaa" • "Nigga Tired, Sad, BoreD, Stressed Out, iDk, Be Mah GuesS" • and possibly my favorite: "i Dont DrinK 2MucH But Wen i FeeL LoneLy Mah Nigga Nxt 2me Got Mah BaC"
It's important to keep in mind that this dude appears to be as white as the driven snow; and visually, his page is among the worst I've EVER seen. A true graphic design nightmare...Peep the realness at:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=10008014

ANIMAL SPOTLIGHT: THE 9-BANDED ARMADILLO

A distant counsin of the sloth and the anteater, the Nine-Banded Armadillo originated in South America. It immigrated to Texas by way of Mexico in the 19th. century. Its name comes from a Spanish word referring to its armor like covering. The shell is made of a bone like casing. In the Nine-Banded Armadillo (the only species of armadillo found in Texas), the armor consists of a large shield over the shoulders, a second large shield over the rump, and nine bands in the middle. Because the shell itself cannot grow nor be replaced as the armadillo grows, it is soft and leathery when the armadillo is born. It does not harden until the armadillo reaches its full adult size of 8 to 15 pounds.While not as slow as the sloth, the armadillo rarely hurries. Walking on the soles of its back feet and the tips of its claws on its front feet, the armadillo ambles along at no more than a third of a mile per hour. However, the armadillo is able to run when danger threatens. Its hard shell allows it to run through thorny underbrush when fleeing predators. The armadillo has a particularly interesting method for crossing water. Its heavy armor shell causes it to sink. When faced with a narrow stream or a water filled ditch, the armadillo will simply walk across the bottom, under water. However, when up against a wider body of water, the armadillo will swallow enough air to inflate its stomach to twice its normal size. This increased buoyancy then allows the armadillo to swim across. Afterwards, it takes the armadillo several hours to release all the excess air from its body. Like its cousin the anteater, the armadillo loves to feast on ants. In fact, it's fond of all kinds of bugs, particularly larval and adult scarab beetles which will wreck havoc on gardens if not controlled.

ONLY FOR THE GROWN AND SEXY

I'm not sure, but I think one of these bitches made
the Minnesota Vikings practice squad.

CHILD PAGEANTS ARE FUCKED UP

Just when you think you've seen the most fucked thing ever. BLAAAM BLAAAM!!- Child pageants y'all! This shit is beyond sick. Believe me; I go out of my way to see sick shit all the time and this stuff takes the freaking cake. I saw a documentary on the IFC channel the other day and man; -whatever faith I had in mankind completely flew out the window. Now, I'm no child psychologist or anything, but I somehow get the sneaking suspicion that entering your kid in a pageant for who's "the most beautiful" isn't the best thing for a 4-year old's self esteem. -I mean it'd be fine for me because my kid is adorable and she would easily crush everybody elses' booger-bear-ass gargoyle mutant-ass kids...-but that's besides the point.The point is... I dont know, this stuff just seems wrong.-In every sense of the word 'wrong'. Coked out white trash moms pinning all their hopes and dreams on wether or not little Brittany does her tap-dancing "Wake me up before you go-go" routine flawlessly. This one mom said she spent over 70 thousand dollars in one year enteing her 5-year old daughter in pageants. -But I bet during the time she's not working her 3 jobs to pay for all that she's a really good mom. The sheer desperation in her eyes as the judges called out the winners was a tragedy of epic proportions.

MAJOR SPINETINGLING SELLOUT OF THE DECADE: MARY CHENEY

"See that dumpster way way over there...-Go stand by that and let us straight people figure out how to blow up the world"

If I had one ounce of human compassion to spare on her, I'd respectfully encourage Mary Cheney to get some psychological help. However, considering she is the fruit of Vice President Dick Cheney's festering loins, I couldn't care less if he took her out back, behind the White House rosegarden, and shot her in her strikingly mannish face (Like a captive quail, just released from it's cage, or one of his good friends). The thing about her that's so tragically pathetic is the fact that she actively campaigned for the Republican party during the 2004 election. Now if we were talking typical run-of-the-mill politics, we could maybe have a debate about this. However, The afore mentioned party, in this particular instance, used the non-issue-turned-political wedge issue of 'gay marriage' and went out of their way to resoundingly / wholeheartedly take a steaming shit on her sexuality. In case you didn't know already, or are reading this on a braile computer, Mary Cheney is an overwhelming and unabashed lesbian;-and to that I say "More power to you; Do your thing". If I was a girl I'd want to be a flaming lesbo too. Granted, I'd try to date way hotter chicks than she does, but hey, to each their own... My point is, why on earth is she backing this crew that's making what she does in the privacy of her own butch bedroom, the centerpiece if their corrupt rigged re-election? I'm not saying don't love your fucked up father, I mean after all, that motherfucker's got bank.- I'm talking long-ass Halliburton dollars. And sooner or later he's gonna kick the bucket and you're gonna be diving in loot like Scrooge McDuck if you play your cards... -Especially with those ammendments to the estate tax your dad and Bush rammed through...-WOOOOO WEEEEE! You'll be so paid you'll be chillin' on a boat with Jay-Z in the caribbean somewhere, betting $10,000 hands on guts. I'm not mad at that at all, but my point is, I dont think you've gotta sell out your gay peoples to make this happen. Send him a card on father's day, watch football and drink beers with him on Sundays... you know, just bond with that motherfucker. -You'll get your dough. But but aligning yourself with the gay-hating neo-con legion of doom, -you my lesbian friend are the solitaire champion- YOU PLAYED YOURSELF.

Hot Asian Girl Du Jour: Asaki Yoshida

To quote Marvin Gaye- "You make me wanna holler, and throw up both my hands" Jeezuz Christ...give me a fucking break on how hot you are.... I'm about take my boner, snap it in half across my knee-like a piece of kindling, and throw it in the fucking garbage, -like a fucking piece of garbage.

A very special BROTHA LYNCH'S CORNER

This extra-special midweek installment of Brotha Lynch's corner features a guest appearance by the one and only Snoop D-O-Double-G. Considering how undeservedly off the radar Brotha Lynch is to most rap enthusiasts, I thought it was rather odd that someone of Snoop's pop icon status would be on a track with him; but if you've ever heard any of Lynch's songs you can only imagine how incredibly dope this pairing would be / is. Check it out, and while you're at it, familiarize yourself with his entire catalog. Before you know it you'll be murdering bitches and eating their babies your damn self.



(lynch)
And we remain bombed out -no doubt/
Eat niggas up with sour crout , -hollow 'em out/
'bout to open my own business, -siccmade meats/
Where you gonna get your product from nigga? -Sacramento streets /
gotta be 'cause these niggas be trippin/
I'm dippin in and out the city with the Frank Nitty whip- With no pity/
dingy, dirty, grimey and gritty, get at me...

(snoop)
I had a bundle of bitchest before i had a bundle a dollas/
A fist full a problems while i'm poppin my collar (ay, ay, ay)/
Sockin bustas, frontin hustlers with they work on the streets/
from the streets, to the suites (to the what), to the slugs, to the east (man)/
Please believe, let me holler at you nephew/
What you do and what i do, i'll make you wan' act a fool...

TUCKER GERRICK PENCIL DRAWING OF TERI HATCHER

Tucker has been putting in work for many years while at the same time keeping shit mad real. He works at Familia skate shop in Saint Paul Minnesota.- holler at him if you're in the neighborhood.

STEVE NASH BACK TO BACK NBA MVP

Damn, Nasty Nash can fucking hoop. Not only that, but props for looking like you'd be in a band that probably I'd hate, and yet still be able to break peoples' ankles off the dribble. I'm especially glad they didnt give the MVP to egomaniac crybaby bitch Kobe Bryant. Try not swingin your elbows at peoples' faces for a minute. -And while you're at it, hows about not making some overexaggerated "I cant believe it "- face when you do it and the refs blow the whistle. Dont pump your fist, don't do funny shit with your mouth all the time, and dont get any more tats. I fucking hate you. Everyone who lives outside of Los Angeles hates you... But yeah; getting back to Steve Nash, he's dope.

REFUSE 2 LOSE

My main nigga holding it down for the 949. One Love.

BROTHA LYNCH'S CORNER

This is a relatively new section on the blog showcasing the poignant, poetic lyrics of Brotha Lynch Hung; one of rap's most talented rap singers: This Month's selection is from the song 'Return Of Da Baby Killa' off of his 1994 'Season of da Siccness' album:

"As I creep, picture every human that I seek / Slabs of human meat
Cause my kids gotta eat / I lives kinda deep, dark, up in tha cut
Where niggas load they nines, and barrel-fuck a slut /
Nigga, what? You ain't even seen me in my prime /
Eatin' baby brains, baby veins, baby spines /
I know they be cryin' when I'm cuttin' off the neck /
I'm peelin' off the skin for some bacon-fried croquettes /
Baby villain spine, that baby-killin' mind /
A fifth-pound of gin cause I know I'm doin' time /
So catch me now before I do my next crime /
My kids' gotta eat, somebody's baby's on the line, -nigga /
Guess what daddy's bringin' home for supper /
Nigga nuts and guts and slabs of human meat, motherfucker /
Now eat! Cause daddy's workin' hard for you, real, huh? /
Killas run around everyday that's why I'm hard for you, nigga! / -Now eat!"