Acting Class Is In Session

On an old episode of Rap City, master thespian Heavy D talked about how he had to "unlearn" what he learned in acting school before he could really grow as an actor. The people in this movie could definitely use some unlearning. On a related note, I wouldn't be mad if the blonde girl decided to do some tasteful nudes.

JIGGA WHAT? JIGGA WHO?

WHERE MY DOGGS AT??

Seriously doggs... Where you at?

DOG WITH CORNROWS

BEHOLD! The power of Google image search!  At times like this, I'm proud to be an American.  One moment I'm driving home from dinner wondering if anyone has ever given their dog cornrows (Although intuitively knowing someone has definitely given their dog cornrows), and a few moments later I'm all up in Google looking at a dog with not only cornrows, but dookie braids adorned with beads!  Technology is so fucking dope!

BRAD CHILDRESS FIRED; VIKINGS' EMBROIDERER IS THE NEXT HEAD TO ROLL

It's time to clean house in Minnesota.  Chili was a good start (told you so), but lets get back to fundamentals and find an embroiderer who has access to spellcheck, or a team roster thats maybe written down on paper:

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) -Minnesota Vikings defensive tackle Kevin Williams is a five-time Pro Bowler and one of the best defensive players in the league.  Maybe the team's jersey maker should get to know him a little better.

Williams played the game against the Green Bay Packers on Sunday with his last name spelled incorrectly on the back of his purple jersey. His jersey had the 'i' and the 'a' transposed, making it read W-I-L-L-A-I-M-S.

The Vikings have two other players with the last name Williams. But Reebok had the jerseys for defensive tackle Pat Williams and safety Madieu Williams spelled correctly.

LOA DANCE PARTY

FUCK TO THIS

Alicia Keys is a real boner-starter...

GREAT GAME THIS WEEKEND FAVRE...

 I wonder if he'll come back for another 17-interception season when Ziggy Wilf moves the team to Los Angeles?  Hopefully they'll still be in the NFC North... -The Packers can use those 2 'W's every season.

LOA ANIMAL SPOTLIGHT; GIGANTIC INDONESIAN RAT

"The giant rat is about five times the size of a typical city rat," said Kristofer Helgen, a scientist with the Smithsonian Institution in Washington. The rats have no fear of humans and will devour the still-beating hearts of all non-Christians. let this be a warning to you and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior.

ALIEN VAGINA

Someone was really on the ball when they capitalized on making these Avatar-model fleshlights. Way before I saw this, I'd ALWAYS think about 'what if the world was really like that late 80's TV show Alien Nation?'  I mean, not those specific aliens per se; but some type of generic 2-arms, 2 legs, head-type humanoid aliens.  I guarantee you there's gonna be X% of the population thats totally gonna have a bizarre alien fetish.  Who knows, maybe the alien chicks would be way hotter than human chicks? I dunno... Wether they were hot, or super spooky looking, there'd always be some amount of people that's just down for some freaky-ass alien sex no matter what they looked like. I wonder if over time people would get so accustomed to the idea that it'd just be a completely normal thing to do.  Anyways, here's what these sick fucks imagined an Avatar pussy would look like:

Notice the triangular architecture of this sleek Avatar-style Vajay-jay; -as well as the ultra-modern dual tri-clitoris features.  I don't know about you guys, but I was just beginning to master my human-style fleshlight, and now they're gonna go and re-invent the wheel on me?  Fuck... Back to the old drawing board I guess... 

Quit Your Day Job

I had an introspective moment earlier today, reminiscing on the insane amount of time in my career that I've spent shuffling truly meaningless paperwork. Calculating all of that wasted time was not a feel-good moment. Right before I jumped out the window (Ron Browz I see you), my mental health counselor sent me this video. Something tells me that my inner artist would be focused on Photoshopping new colorways of Air Jordans or making bad mixtapes. I would hope that these guys would tell me to continue.

LOA DANCE PARTY

This is spectacular... Thank god 'dancing' means jiggling your ass in my face nowadays.  This is just precious.

REDNECK FORCED TO EAT HIS OWN BEARD

There needs to be an award show for stuff like this... I wonder if this guy is a Republican?
They should have made him eat his own pubes and back hair for dessert.

CINDY McCAIN: WHAT A FUCKING FRAUD

So watch this video and look for when Crypt Keeper/ wife of AZ senator John McCain, Cindy McCain, says this: “Our political and religious leaders tell LGBT youth that they have no future… … They can’t serve our country openly … Our government treats the LGBT community like second-class citizens”.  Uhhhh yeah??... -One person in particular who comes to mind is your fucking husband.  But props Cindy... -that's some unexpected real talk from the wife of one of this country's most disngenouos fucktard Republicans.  So far so good right?? -Here's when Cindy McCain's message lurches off the rails into crazyland (along with her credibility, and any shred of respect you could possibly have for her). 

SNITCHES GET STITCHES

Vandalism is not a crime.

JUST A REMINDER...

In case any of you haven't already seen 'A Serbian Film', please make sure you keep it that way...  I'm dead serious about that.  Don't watch it.  Here's what will happen; me making such a big deal out of telling you not to watch it will reflexively make you want to watch it merely on a human nature/ reverse psychology level.  Assuming you are able to stomach it until the bitter (really bitter) end, you will 100% want to un-watch it immediately.  Unfortunately, no one has invented a time machine or a memory-erasing device, so you will just have to live the rest of your life with fragments if 'A Serbian Film' rattling around in your brain.  I guarantee you you do not want that.  With that being said, this film is FUCKING AMAZING.  Not positive amazing, but like the worst thing you could ever imagine seeing , and have deep, permanent, soul-crushing psychological damage amazing.

Fuck this movie.

Quintin Dailey RIP

Former Chicago Bull Quintin Dailey died last week at age 49. He was a talented player but a personal disaster, missing a bunch of games for drug violations and getting into other criminal trouble. The Bulls tolerated his issues until he started complaining about the attention Michael Jordan received, essentially ending his time in Chicago.

Quintin Dailey's defining moment in a Bulls uniform occurred in a 1985 game against the Spurs. During the game, he borrowed money from a reporter and sent a ballboy to the concession stand to get a slice of pizza. Dailey ate the pizza at the end of the bench and coach Kevin Loughery went nuts. The Bulls lost 106-98.

REAL TALKER; CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS

You can't knock his hustle...-Any of them.

SERBIAN FILM: "SICKEST FILM EVER MADE"

My buddy Tyke was telling me about this movie he just saw. Here's some of the things he said to describe it:
"It's the sickest horror/ suspense film...Totally disturbing" "So fucked up, I wish I never saw it" "Don't watch it unless you're ready to scar your mind" "Depressingly fucked" "Sickest film ever made" "Way worse than you can imagine"


I'm totally seeing this!

Across The Pond

The student protests in London were totally peaceful until The New Boyz showed up. Are these guys protesting tuition increases or trying out for So You Think You Can Dance? It's good to see that Scoob and Scrap Lover are still doing big things. In all seriousness, when guys in 80s haircuts and skinny jeans are taking over your buildings, it's time to re-examine your commitment to gun control.

In other U.K. news, anti-knife campaigner / rapper DJ Ironik was stabbed in the butt with a knife by a robber. Time to change your name, bro.

LOA PICTURE OF THE DAY

HAUNTED FEAR

HAUNTED FEAR

WORD THE FUCK UP!

WE DONT HAVE THE TIME FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL ROMANCE

LOA SCREENSAVERS ARE BACK!!

Thank you Anonymous for reminding me what made LOA the intenet's #1 Christian blog for 2010!

BARACKA FLACKA FLAMES.

This was bound to happen sooner or later... I'm actually surprised it's taken this long to become a reality.  Well done on the Obama-esque flow.
On a related/ unrelated note; it'd be really great if the actual Obama would stop being such a mutherfucking creapuff.  Earth to the Democrats:  You suck and you lose because you never fight back or fight for the issues that got you elected in the first place.  Stop cowering to the Republicans like little bitches and grow a pair... -Or, don't; -and get purged from office every election.

FUCK THE POLICE

Russians and Bad Design are Ruining America

BLANK DOGS "SETTING FIRE TO YOUR HOUSE"

I have no idea who this band is, but this totally seems like some underground shit that only Josh Lazcano and like 4 other people knows about.  Actually, he probably knew about it back before it got popular -when 9 other people found out about it, but by then he thought it was played, and had moved on to rebuilding vintage snow mobiles or something... Anyways; It's a pretty dope video. Peep game:

JESSICA LANGE'S FACE IS A FUCKING MESS

I just watched the last half of the 1976 version of King Kong and I was pretty shocked at what a hot-ass piece of ass Jessica Lange was back in the day. So I decided to do what any self respecting god-fearing Christian would do; -go on Google and see if there were any nude pics of her... Well, I didnt really find anything noteworthy, but I did find a picture of this hideous creature who claims to be Jessica Lange.  -Fucking Yuck...

JOHN MAUS; BRINGING IT TO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING CHEST

This is what music needs to be about these days. Fucking maniacs...

WISCONSIN IS STUPID.

Way to run the best senator in the the country out of office. Russ Feingold is the essence of Real Talk and one of the only senators who had the balls to stand up for sanity and common sense, regardless of which party's puppet is in the White House. You deserve Ron Johnson or whichever dipshit Tea-Bagging retard you elected.

RUMBLE IN THE BRONX!

Buying bread from a man in Brussels. He was six foot four and full of muscles. I said, "Do you speak-a my language?" He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich.

SNICKERDOODLES' AMAZING PROPHECIES!

It struck me like a bolt of lightning this morning:  -I had a vision -A REVELATION... I see a man... -with something like a  headset, or some kind of communication device.  -He's wearing a purple sweatshirt.  He's bald man with a cop's moustache... and I sense that he is in a position of authority-  a leader of some sort... -But he seems to have miserable leadership and decision making skills, -... I sense that he is in very far over his head and his employment situation is spiraling out of control. I see this person in a long line...  I believe it's an unemployment line. Wait... It's all coming into focus now:  -The Green Bay Packers will win the NFC North. 


-Swami Snickerdoodles has spoken!

FAVRE COCK HUMOR

(Good looking out Khaki Bikini)

NEW IRONLAK LIMITED EDITION CANS OUT NOW!

Vandalism has never smelled so good. Ironlak

MAGGOTS INSIDE MY HEAD

MAGGOT MAN

People have officially run out of things to do.

SPECTACULAR RAP MONDAY

Best thing I've seen/ heard in weeks... (Stolen from Jersey's Blog)

Herb of the Century

The last time I saw this loser, he was supersizing my Dr. Pepper, so you could imagine my surprise when I read that he was still trying to rap. If I was best known for getting beat up at Scribble Jam and again in a Motel 6 parking lot, I might try to ride the coattails of better known artists with disingenuous tribute songs, too. Actually, I would probably just quit rapping. How's that Rocafella contract working out for you, homeboy?