Cameron Diaz is the Opposite of Cute

I'm not sure what I'm more embarrassed to admit: that I spent the night on the couch eating banana pudding, or that I watched the MTV Movie Awards while doing it? Someone in MTV's legal department must have given the green light to use the words "dick," "balls" and "jizz" because seemingly every skit and MTV promo used them (edgy!). The Borat guy put his nuts in Eminem's face, Zac Efron tried to act like he wasn't gay and some other boring shit happened. I was about to put my spoon away and doze off, but when Cameron Diaz handed out an award, I momentarily thought I was looking death in the face. She is allegedly 36, but if you told me she was 56 I would believe you. The Manuel Noriega skin tone is the least of her problems. Can we please stop with the hoax that she is good looking?

WALLY SZCZERBIAK IS TERRIBLE AT BASKETBALL

Dude, seriously?... 2 wide open jumpshots resulting in 2 spectacular airballs. -In a closeout division finals playoff game no less... How about Lebron just have a random dude from the audience, who got picked to shoot the halfcourt shot during halftime, suit up in your stead... Odds are, he could at least hit the rim; and it'd be a vast improvement on the defensive end as well...

(LIL) KING SHIT

See Soulja Boy, now look what you did! Somebody please give this kid an Eric B & Rakim tape....

WHO IS BOZO TEXINO?

(Thanks Playboy Midzt)

THESE PEOPLE MAKE TERRIBLE MUSIC:

1. Beyonce: -She's never ever made a good song. -Ever. They're all terrible.
2. T-Pain: -No-talent, top-hatted wierdo. Stop Biting Roger Troutman (poorly)
3. Toby Keith: Republicanism set to 'music'.
4: Common: Once the best MC out, Now does commercials for The Gap and energy drinks... And your music is featured at Starbucks in the 'now playing' box up at the counter.
5: Rihanna: All your songs suck, but you have a bangin' body
6: Cassie: You are a really bad singer. Please make a lesbian video with Lauren London. -PLEASE!

HORRIBLE RAP THRUSDAY: GUCCI MANE 'FREESTYLE'

I'm going to go ahead and give Gucci Mane the benefit of the doubt that he is indeed attempting to rap, as opposed to talking about random things while high, that sporadically accidentally happen to rhyme sometimes...(-sort of). Oh well, at least he's got a lot of 'swag'. After all, that's what's most important in rap nowadays...(Good looking out Nickolo Vecki!)

Fuck Cleveland and Fuck Lebron James

Despite the best efforts of David Stern and his rigged officiating, the Magic have taken a 3-1 lead on the Cavs. Lebron and the city of Cleveland can both suck it. Go Magic!

HORRIBLE RAP WEDNESDAY: "I GOT SWAG"

GODDAMN... Lil' King's got major swag on this record... So much swag, you could rightfully say he's 'Swaggerballin'©. And yes, in case you were wondering, I just madeup the term "Swaggerballin©'.

FUNNY GAMES

See this movie!

HORRIBLE RAP THURSDAY: "IT'S SO COLD IN THE 'D'"

Check out this T-Baby video for a truly uninspired rap performance. Nothing about this makes me wanna visit "the D"(Good looking out Nick)

FAGS

I've made it a point to try not to say the word 'fag' in this way lately, because gay people get way more than their share of harrassment and descrimination. So in no way do I mean to offend any of our gay brothers and sisters out there... But I gotta do it here. These guys are total fags...Fuck Kobe.

JESSE VENTURA ON HANNITY

How much worse is the suck-up dick-riding Hannity that the standard belligerent lying scumbag Hannity? Just when you thought he couldn't get any worse... Jesse, on point as always.

SCHIZOPHRENIC REPUBLICAN SENATOR, LINDSEY GRAHAM DEBATES HIMSELF ON DETAINEE TORTURE.

DUDE... Seriously??

Cave Canem

At the risk of placing the final nail in the coffin of Keyboard Cat Mania, I would be remiss if I did not share this clip. Big shout out to the parent who thought it was a good idea to show his spaz kid getting raped by a dog on Youtube.

KEYBOARD CAT BACK UP IN THE HEEZY BAY-BAY!!

MONTAUK MONSTER II

OBAMA GOING OUT LIKE A BITCH

Let me just start this off by saying, I voted for Obama, I supported his campaign to get elected and I think he's doing a decent job so far. But his decision to try to block the release of hundreds of photos showing U.S. personnel abusing prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan, is fucking WEAK. It's a total bitch move -straight up. Obama's Press Secretary Robert Gibbs explained, during Wednesday's briefing, that the administration had not sufficiently explored the extent to which the publishing of these images could do damage "to our troops and our national security." -Fuck that.

-First of all, the argument that releasing the photos of our "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" will somehow endanger our troops and national security is completely ass-backwards! The fact that we DID these "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques" (I.E. Dick Cheney's illegal torture program) has already endangered our troops and national security. Exposing the evidence of these things taking place (I.E. the photos) is the only way to redeem any semblance of honesty and decency, and more importantly, -legality -by bring the people responsible for them, to justice. I could entertain the argument that releasing the photos might add extra incentive for people to want to harm our troops; however this should just serve as further reason for us to get our troops the-fuck out of these costly dead-end/ misguided wars. Obama's attempting to block these photos is a major mistake both politically and most importantly -morally. The only legitimate purpose this serves is to further let the crooks from the Bush administration off the hook for their blatant war crimes. Man the fuck up Obama. No more kid gloves for these assholes. Let them lie in the beds they've made for themselves.

como se llama la cancion????

this Yo-Yo clip is good and all, but sometimes i find the comments people leave are even better, such as...
"PRAYER "
"this guy has a huge nose"
"Looks like spider man on crack "

BEST COMMERCIAL EVER!

But still... Fuck Kobe.

MISS CALIFORNIA, PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP...

Carrie Prejean, your insights into why "gay marriage is immoral" are idiotic. You are an idiot. A stupid worthless bimbo idiot. Save your political opinions for your small-minded republican prayer group, and focus on doing your hair, your makeup, your breast augmentation, and trying to explain why you should be considered a role model to anyone. You fucking suck. (And you're not hot)

RUSS FEINGOLD IS ALWAYS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING

Russ Feingold is the one guy in American politics who doesn't fuck around. On every issue, he's 100% right every time. Know the ledge...

FUCK THE POLICE VOL. 927

I AINT GOT TIME TO BLEED...

Jedi Master, Real Talker, Jesse 'The Body' Ventura dropping knowledge. Minnesota Represent!!

REAL TALK: WANDA SYKES

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

From Tupac, to me, to you...

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

From Danzig, to me, to you...

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

From Three 6 Mafia, to me, to you...(eat a dick)

I FEAR THAT LOA IS SLOWLY BECOMING THE KEYBOARD CAT BLOG...

(Good looking out Motown Murder Dog!)

"You're an athiest!? Gimme a fucking break Michael!!" (Feat. Keyboard Cat)

(Good looking out Mexican John)
The best part about it is that the crazy mom thought the threat of no Christmas presents would magically restore his faith in the lord... -That and of course Keyboard Cat.

LOA SPORTS: BATTLE OF THE SEXES

The Game from defEYE films on Vimeo.

DANNY MacASKILL IS FUCKING ILL!!

(Good looking out Barlow)

LOA Sports Corner: Tennis

Tennis is a sport played between two players (singles) or between two teams of two players each (doubles). Each player uses a strung racket to strike a hollow rubber ball covered with felt (most of the time Optic Yellow,but can be any color or even two-tone) over a net into the opponent's court.

The modern game of tennis originated in the United Kingdom in the late 19th century as "lawn tennis" and had heavy connections to the ancient game of real tennis. After its creation, tennis spread throughout the upper-class English-speaking population before spreading around the world. Tennis is an Olympic sport and is played at all levels of society at all ages. The sport can be played by anyone who can hold a racket (as seen in the attached photos of female Tennis star Simona Halep), including people in wheelchairs. In the United States, there is a collegiate circuit organized by the National Collegiate Athletics Association.

Except for the adoption of the tiebreaker in the 1970s, the rules of tennis have changed very little since the 1890s. A recent addition to professional tennis has been the adoption of "instant replay" technology coupled with a point challenge system, which allows a player to challenge the official call of a point.

Along with its millions of players, millions of people worldwide follow tennis as a spectator sport, especially the four Grand Slam tournaments (sometimes referred to as the "majors"): the Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon, and the US Open.

THE NATION'S FIRST FACE TRANSPLANT

CLEVELAND - When Connie Culp heard a little kid call her a monster because of the shotgun blast that left her face horribly disfigured, she pulled out her driver's license to show the child what she used to look like. Years later, as the nation's first face transplant recipient, she's stepped forward to show the rest of the world what she looks like now. Her expressions are still a bit wooden, but she can talk, smile, smell and taste her food again. Her speech is at times a little tough to understand. Her face is bloated and squarish. Her skin droops in big folds that doctors plan to pare away as her circulation improves and her nerves grow, animating her new muscles.But Culp had nothing but praise for those who made her new face possible. "I guess I'm the one you came to see today," the 46-year-old Ohio woman said at a news conference at the Cleveland Clinic, where the groundbreaking operation was performed. But "I think it's more important that you focus on the donor family that made it so I could have this person's face." Until Tuesday, Culp's identity and how she came to be disfigured were a secret. Culp's husband, Thomas, shot her in 2004, then turned the gun on himself. He went to prison for seven years. His wife was left clinging to life. The blast shattered her nose, cheeks, the roof of her mouth and an eye. Hundreds of fragments of shotgun pellet and bone splinters were embedded in her face. She needed a tube into her windpipe to breathe. Only her upper eyelids, forehead, lower lip and chin were left. A plastic surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic, Dr. Risal Djohan, got a look at her injuries two months later. "He told me he didn't think, he wasn't sure, if he could fix me, but he'd try," Culp recalled.She endured 30 operations to try to fix her face. Doctors took parts of her ribs to make cheekbones and fashioned an upper jaw from one of her leg bones. She had countless skin grafts from her thighs. Still, she was left unable to eat solid food, breathe on her own, or smell.Then, on Dec. 10, in a 22-hour operation, Dr. Maria Siemionow led a team of doctors who replaced 80 percent of Culp's face with bone, muscles, nerves, skin and blood vessels from another woman who had just died. It was the fourth face transplant in the world, though the others were not as extensive."Here I am, five years later. He did what he said — I got me my nose," Culp said of Djohan, laughing. In January, she was able to eat pizza, chicken and hamburgers for the first time in years. She loves to have cookies with a cup of coffee, Siemionow said.On NBC's "Today" program Wednesday morning, Siemionow described the operation as a last resort. "There was really an entire mid-face missing and there was no way to reconstruct with conventional means," the lead surgeon said. No information has been released about the donor or how she died, but her family members were moved when they saw before-and-after pictures of Culp, Siemionow said. Culp said she wants to help foster acceptance of those who have suffered burns and other disfiguring injuries. "When somebody has a disfigurement and don't look as pretty as you do, don't judge them, because you never know what happened to them," she said. "Don't judge people who don't look the same as you do. Because you never know. One day it might be all taken away." It's a role she has already practiced, said clinic psychiatrist Dr. Kathy Coffman. Once while shopping, she heard a little kid say, 'You said there were no real monsters, Mommy, and there's one right there,'" Coffman said. Culp stopped and said, "I'm not a monster. I'm a person who was shot," and pulled out her driver's license to show the child what she used to look like, the psychiatrist said. Culp, who is from the small town of Unionport, near the Pennsylvania line, told her doctors she just wants to blend back into society. She has a son and a daughter who live near her, and two preschooler grandsons. Before she was shot, she and her husband ran a painting and contracting business, and she did everything from hanging drywall to a little plumbing, Coffman said. Culp left the hospital Feb. 5 and has returned for periodic follow-up care. She has suffered only one mild rejection episode that was controlled with a single dose of steroid medicines, her doctors said. She must take immune-suppressing drugs for the rest of her life, but her dosage has been greatly reduced and she needs only a few pills a day.
The clinic expects to absorb the cost of the transplant because it was experimental, doctors said. Siemionow estimated it at $250,000 to $300,000. That is less than the $1 million that other surgeons estimate it costs them to treat other severely disfigured people through dozens of separate operations, she said. Also at the Cleveland Clinic is Charla Nash of Stamford, Conn., who was attacked by a friend's chimpanzee in February. She lost her hands, nose, lips and eyelids, and will be blind, doctors said. Clinic officials said it is premature to discuss the possibility of a face transplant for her. In April, doctors at Harvard-affiliated Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston performed the nation's second face transplant, on a man disfigured in a freak accident. It was the world's seventh such operation. The first, in 2005, was performed in France on Isabelle Dinoire, a woman who had been mauled by her dog.

RIDIN DIRTY ON 85

Why can't all rap songs/ videos be this good/ why can't everybody talk like they're from Atlanta? (Sidenote: Check out T.I. circa 2000-ish in the passenger seat at the beginning and end of the video.)

CREEPIEST PERSON ON THE INTERNET REVEALED!

(Good looking out Playboy Kenny)

ATTENTION talk show hosts...

take notes, this is how its done.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

YOU ARE A BAD PERSON

JOE THE MAKE-BELIEVE PLUMBER DROPPING KNOWLEDGE: "I Would Never Let "Queers" Near My Children"

Joe the Plumber, aka Samuel Wurzelbacher, sat down for an lengthy interview with Christianity Today to discuss his views on the future of the Republican party. Wurzelbacher took the opportunity to speak out against gay marriage, which he says is wrong. The unlikely conservative spokesman went so far as to say he doesn't allow openly gay people "anywhere near" his children. The word "queer," Wurzelbacher noted, "means strange and unusual."
Christianity Today: In the last month, same-sex marriage has become legal in Iowa and Vermont. What do you think about same-sex marriage at a state level?
Wurzelbacher: At a state level, it's up to them. I don't want it to be a federal thing. I personally still think it's wrong. People don't understand the dictionary--it's called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It's not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we're supposed to do--what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we're supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I've had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn't have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they're people, and they're going to do their thing.

In the vein of George W. Bush and Michael Steele, Joe the Plumber also indicated that he wouldn't run for public office until the Lord had given him a cue. "God hasn't said, 'Joe, I want you to run.' I feel more important to just encourage people to get involved, one way or another. If I can inspire some leaders, that would be great." Joe added: "I don't know if I want to be a leader."

RACIST-ASS RACIST REPUBLICAN FRIDAY

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I saw this one from a mile away. I knew -KNEW! that the second they started talking about the swine flu 'epidemic' in Mexico, that the (remaining) Republicans (or Libertarians, or whatever disgraced Republicans call themselves now) would be on this like flies on shit. To Republicans, swine flu is like a gift from god that allows them to hate on Mexicans with impunity. I heard that Lou Dobbs washed down half a dozen Viagras with a 2-liter of Extenze© and had a one-man bukkake session all over himself thinking about the swine flu epidemic.