LOA JAMZ!

If you're into pasty topless dudes and synth-pop... You're in for a treat!(Good looking out 'Anonymous')

Next Big Thing

A buddy of mine in the music biz put me up on this hot new band. They're doing a showcase at SXSW, so be sure to check them out in Austin next month. I'm sure the club will be packed with label people. A&R's can holler at DMD if they want to get a jump on the bidding war.

WALMART SALUTES BLACK HISTORY MONTH (-AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THE IRONY IN THIS?)

Hooray!! WalMart, -the world's biggest benefactor of slave labor, is celebrating 'Black History Month'! -A patronizing celebration of the people who's (American) history began with slavery. This is like the pot calling/ celebrating the kettle's black (-history... month.. -Sorry, I tried...) Anyways, my point is, WalMart would be well advised to not align themselves with anything remotely acknowledging human dignity on any level.

And on that note, from now on, Lords of Apathy along with WalMart has declared March 'Sweatshop Labor/ Exploited Minimum Wage Employee Month"! -And we're gonna party like it's 1862 (pre-Emancipation Proclaimation of course.) -HOLLA!!

Own a piece of MJ

A whole bunch of Michael Jackson's weird ass shit is going up for auction this April.






Yes that is a golf cart featuring a painting of Michael Jackson as Peter Pan.



Wait for it.




I guess when you get that Thriller money, you can fuck around and buy the weirdest shit ever.

See the rest of it HERE.

POSTER BOY

The world needs more of this... People fucking with advertisements.

LOA YOGA CORNER

Yo! What do y'all muthafuckaz know about back bends? Our lady Tara Stiles is about to run the knowledge on how to make that back mad bendy son. Real Talk.

How To Accept An Award

 

Like Cary Grant or Gregory Peck, Mickey Rourke brings a level of class and sophistication that's really been lacking at recent award ceremonies. A gentleman and a poet, Rourke delivers a speech that will be remembered for years to come.

Faking the Funk

Look at my man from the French band Justice going buck wild on the beat box. It being unplugged is only a minor detail, as I'm sure their prerecorded blend of an unnecessary Chromeo remix into the Human League was EPIC. These guys probably clear 25 G's a night, so it's only right that you get some Marcel Marceau showmanship along with their fugazi knob twisting.

VOHNBEATS; 11 YEAR-OLD PRODUCER

Seriously; what the fuck is up with kids these days? When I was 11, I was lighting shit on fire and drinking Hershey's chocolate syrup straight out of the bottle. How is this dude just fully making dope rap beats on his computer at age 11?

UNBEWEAVABLE!

Who knew they were making weaves out of teflon these days? I always thought that shit was horse hair.(Good looking out Playboy Kenny)

BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB

FUCK, these dudes are so damn ill!!

PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG (MONSTER)

Check out the genius street art of Joshua Allen Harris. -Fucking dope!

LAND OF CONFUSION.

I was just thinking the other day about how all the celebrities with fucked-up face plastic surgery reminded me of this video. These dudes should do an updated version of this with Kenny Rogers, Joan Rivers, Lil' Kim, Stallone, Mickey Roarke, Lisa Rinna, and that crazy cat-face lady.

THREE WORDS: SEMEN TANKS .COM

Dude; I can't tell you how many times I've needed to overnight a gallon of my semen somewhere and have had to come up with some kind of fucked up makeshift container to ship it in. Most of the time I just end up rinsing out a few 2-liter bottles of RC cola and work with that; but I gotta say, it always seemed a little bit ghetto. That's like Lauren London rolling up to a fancy hollywood movie premier in a turquoise '95 Chevy Cavalier. My point being, wether you're transporting Lauren London, or a gallon of semen, you need to deliver it in style. Like that saying from the deodorant commercial goes: 'You never get a second chance to make a first impression (with your semen)'. That's where Sementanks.com comes into the picture. Peep these state-of-the-art sperm containers son! -Motherfuckin' MVE liquid nitrogen tanks and vapor shippers kid! You mean they got a container that can freeze my shit and then turn it into a vapor!?? -Oh HAIL naw!! I might even try to get one of those shit's coustomized with an ill pump-dispenser thingy on it, that way, if she just needed a lil' squirt, she wouldn't have to deal with trying to pour that shit into a bowl or something... It's on and poppin shawty!!

NYC ANTI-ADVERTISING STREET TEAM

P

DOMINO MOTHERFUCKER!

In the spirit of making the most of this awesome economy the Republicans have left us with; may I suggest to the millions of unemployed or soon to be jobless Americans out there, why dont you all start making these elaborate kinetic domino sculptures? I mean, if you dont have a job to worry about anymore, I'm sure you've got ton's of time on your hands now...-why not contribute a lil sum'-sum to the ole' YouTube. Granted, it's not gonna put any food in your refrigerator, or pay your electric bill, but it'll make the nightmare of existance slightly more entertaining. Salame!

YOUNG SOLVEIG

LOA gangsta,"The Captain's" 10-year old daughter Solveig, was featured in the Sun Times recently for her awesome talent as a young graffiti writer. All of her pieces are done entirely by herself, and she has started up a bunch of other young female writers, forming the AGC “All-Girls-Crew”. YOU GO GUUUURL!!
A girl of ten has been dubbed the new Banksy after creating incredible graffiti paintings. The youngster, who goes by her tag name Solveig, sprays pictures legally on wasteland near her home. Solveig, which is her real first name, has created 20 large-works on special graffiti sites in Brighton. They feature fry-ups, cartoon characters and sharks. She said: “I started watching people doing paintings and asked them if I could have a go.”
(Check out more of Solveig's photos here on Flickr)

GORRILLA PIMPIN/ FACE OFF/ MURDER WAS THE CASE THAT THEY GAVE (TRAVIS)

I discussed this story with some colleagues of mine and we concluded that it is definitely a bad idea to try to domesticate a chimpanzee. Those things have superhuman ninja strength. However, what would be far worse than that, would be trying to domesticate a retarded chimpanzee that's strung out on PCP. I'm totally serious about that. That motherfucker could probably bench press like a million pounds.

In honor of Dre Day (February 18th) I thought that this lyric from "The Watcher" (Chronic 2001) was especially timely/ apropos/ prophetic:
(They) keep us trapped in the same place we're raised in.
Then they wonder why we act so outrageous,
Run around stressed out and pull out gauges.
Cause everytime you let the animal out cages,
It's dangerous to people who look like strangers.

DRE DAY NYC

Our boy Project Matt, is hosted the world's most Joyous holiday of the year, DRE DAY, yesterday evening in NYC. Apparently it went off... Word on the street was that LOA's own RASTROY was in attendance along with OG Minneapolis homie the INTELion Stallion! Click this LINK for more photos of people drinking Colt 45 and acting a fool at the party. (Click Image to Enlarge)

Cause when you dis Dre, you dis YOURSELF.

Today is DRE DAY. We celebrated early in Minneapolis this past weekend and it went off. Here are a few highlights.


screenprinted 40 bags.


Our $20 Sack Pyramid grand champions Hayley and Medium Zach


The party was 18+


Trama performing in a chronic haze with the pyramid in the background.


Malt liquor was too real for her.


Burlesque screenprinter and resident chronic-know-it-all Bennie.


Espada, our A+ host for the night.


$20 Sack Pyramid in full effect.



Our bangin' promo video:

Is Blackface Illusionist Japanese Obama Racist? You Make the Call

The Detroit Murder Dog Corp. offices were abuzz with controversy this week as everyone was debating whether or not a Japanese guy in Obama blackface doing magic tricks was offensive. Remember that in Japan things like tentacle rape cartoons, used womens' underpants sold in vending machines, and french maid cafes are all OK. What do you think LOA? The phone lines are open.

UPDATE: LOA readers have spoken. Verdict is "not racist."

THAT JUS MY BABY-DADDY (LITERALLY)

BOY dad Alfie Patten yesterday admitted he does not know how much nappies cost — but said: “I think it’s a lot.” Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne. He told how he and Chantelle, 15, decided against an abortion after discovering she was pregnant. The shy lad, whose voice has not yet broken, said: “I thought it would be good to have a baby. “I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10. A little word of advice to young Alfie. Seriously dog, you need to get yourself a lawyer and have a statutory rape case waiting in the wings as a sort of insurance policy for when things get ugly. Sooner or later that bitch is gonna go crazy and want to dip with your seed and try jack you for like half of your allowance savings and paper route money. Real talk,-Take it from your boy Snickerdoodles; these young bitches are fucking nuts. Believe that...

MADE IN AMERICA

If you haven't seen it already, do yourself a favor and check out Stacy Peralta's documentary film on the Bloods and Crips in Los Angeles. It's one of the better movies I've seen in recent memory.

infectious?

Golden Glove(s)

Most people look at Chris Brown and get a toothache. Rihanna looks at him and flinches. Congratulations Chris, as you are now mentioned in the same breath as Ike Turner, Dave Justice and Jason Kidd. Rihanna had to cancel her appearance at tonight's Grammy Awards. I guess opening your set with "What's up Grammys? I got this black eye from Chris Brown" would have set the wrong tone. I hope Young Kid Dynamite isn't expecting any more Wrigley checks. Maybe he can get an endorsement deal with Everlast.

This was originally going to be a post about the irrelevancy of the Grammys and the general decline of the music industry until I heard about Chris "Bobby" Brown. Stevie Wonder performing with the Jonas Brothers? A Blink 182 reunion announcement? Katy Perry being nominated for and then lip-synching a novelty song? Are you fucking kidding me? Robert Plant winning album of the year? Was Eddie Money unavailable? When I saw the commercial for a "special episode" of CSI: Miami featuring Puffy Combs, I decided that this night was an elaborate prank and that the real awards show will take place some other time.

Public speaking 101

Triple Up

Anyone remember the woman from "Total Recall" with three breasts? This is like that except a zillion times worse.

im so high...

i would guess this is what its like to kick it with the three 6 mafia... i mean, if they were 5 year old white kids, which they are not, or are they? i don't know too much about rap music really.

i pitty the fool who... blah blah blah, some Reagan quote, zzzzz...

more shit like this needs to be happening these days. the Santa Mr. T on its own is pretty amazing, but this combo is unprecedented...

You go girl!

Ian Boynton pulls out 13 of his own teeth with pliers...

Ian said: 'I started having pain in a front tooth, which protruded slightly more than the others. I was constantly fiddling with it and wiggling it because it hurt so much. In the end I knew it had to come out and had to use the pliers to pull it. Amazingly, it did not hurt as much as you might think. I think I'd been prising it that much in the meantime that I'd been killing the nerve.'

In the last two years Mr Boynton has pulled out 13 top teeth including molars, incisors and canines. He now only has two teeth left in the roof of his mouth.

OH NO SHE DI'INT...

So... How's the career going Vivica?.. She may as well have just pulled out a deck of cards and started playing solitaire. (I.E. She's playing herself)

CHRISTIAN BALE; AMERICAN PSYCHO

Once every 6 months or so, somebody will throw an epic public temper tantrum worthy of our attention. It's an especially rare treat when the gods bless us with a grade 'A' major league celebrity meltdown. So to start the year off right, Christian Bale decided that he was gonna peel our wigs back with this scalding, nearly 4-minute harangue on the set of the upcoming 'Terminator Salvation' movie.

Here's a few other noteworthy celebrity meltdowns from the past:
Denny Green
O Reilly
Chris Berman

A CONVERSATION BETWEEN ALLEN IVERSON AND JIM MORA

HOT ASIAN GIRL DuJOUR: JENNIFER KUROSAWA

Some people think that if you have a thing for Asian girls, you're some kind of sick fetish wierdo pervert or something. I like to think of it as a sign that you have good taste. Holla.(click image to perv out in higher resolution)

RIME, PIMP MY TRAILER!

At long last LOA blogger, Jersey Joe's, 'Pimp my Trailer' video is finally out!! This may be the most surreal thing you'll see all year.
(In case you were wondering, this film was not directed by David Lynch).

SKATER BOY/ HOW LOW CAN A PUNK GET

I could totally break this kid's record, but I don't want to risk skinning my scrotum.

POSE x EWOK x IRONLAK x SUPERVISION x CREAM CITY

Super Bowl Super DJ

My cousin Tampa Murder Dog hit me on the 2-way last night, saying that he was going to a Super Bowl party where the two Good Charlotte dudes were DJing. If my private plane was not recently repossessed, I would have been there in a heartbeat. As you can see in this video, Joel Madden can get busy on the ones and twos. Song selection, blends, cuts... this guy is so on point. Kid Capri and Ron G should be embarrassed. I'm waiting for a full review on last night's party, but I'm sure he ripped it.